Need advice from a lesbian

[gystex]

To any and all lesbians out there:

I'm a guy, and I get turned on by lesbian sex, which gives me something in common with about 90% of other guys out there. I also write about it.

The thing is, all my experience with observing lesbian sex comes from porn - and as everyone knows, lesbian porn is made for men (and is usually directed by men). The women are actresses, and they are playing for the cameras. Obviously, this is a severely distorted view of what lesbian sex is actually like.

I want to write more realistically than that. I want my lesbian characters to be more like the real thing. Since my gender makes it impossible for me to get any real-life experience, and I don't know any lesbian women well enough to discuss the matter with them, I have decided to turn here for a woman's perspective.

Obviously, one cannot truly generalize how someone likes their sex, so by asking "Hey lesbians, what turns you on?" I'm not going to get a complete answer. I'm not asking anyone out there to speak for all lesbian women in general, just for themselves.

So, to any women out there who prefer other women:

What is important to you in a sexual situation? What, specifically, turns you on? What positions do you prefer? Do male standards of feminine beauty apply, or do women look for something else in another woman? (i.e., does breast size matter?) Why is it that lesbians often adopt a masculine appearance (close-cropped hair, no makeup, male clothing)? And to those who have had sex with both men and women - what would you say are the primary differences (in the feelings and sensations, not the physical attributes - I'm not that ignorant), and what is it that makes you sometimes want a woman as opposed to a man?

Any advice would be appreciated. I hope I am not being offensive in any way, I admit that I am naive about lesbian culture (if there is such a thing).

And before anyone asks - yes, I probably am going to get turned on by reading women's responses to this. Hopefully, I can return the favor by writing stories to fit those responses.

 

[destinie21]

Boredom has overtaken me so against my better judgement I'm going to respond to this thread. First off the nature of your question is a bit offensive but whatever. Here goes it would depend on a woman's mood and her sexual nature. First and foremost you'd have to develop the character and decide what type of sex they would be into Ie: rough ect.. also decide if the woman would use a phallus or not it all goes to personality. Also the best advice I could give is don't stereo type there isn't always a "man" or more dominant partner sometimes equality is the key. In anycase for full on descriptions go to my stories and read one if you'd like.


pS: you could have asked all woman not just a lesbian
The reason I didn't go into specifics is because all woman are different and NO when I first have a lover I don't know exactly what she wants I just happen to be familiar with the landscape. It's still a learning process to truely "know" what she likes.

 

[gauchecritic]

It's still a learning process to truely "know" what she likes.

At the risk of being 'outed' as a lesbian, I'd guess that in order to write a 'true' lesbian scene you'd have the similar fumbling, dominance, submission, finding what's pleasurable/painful scenario as with a straight couple.

The 'first time' home-made lesbianism on video I've seen (I have no way to tell otherwise) seem to show that they have as little idea of what their partner wants/needs as any inexperienced youth of any orientation.

It's being able to 'write' women that will make it real.

Gauche

 

[The_Fool]

I think you are already on the road to knowledge if as you say you are already interested in the genre and I assume that you read other writers. You might look through the posted works and concentrate on those written by women. In parallel, read what is said on the threads. There are many here that discuss their sexual orientation. In this fashion, you use a little induction to determine what interests other girls about girls.

This is obviously a free country and it is explicitly stated that this web site is all for freedom of speech but you are a braver man than I to put out a general request for information about a topic that is usually considered pretty personal.

Best of luck in your endeavours. Hopefully you will understand that I have a great deal of pessimism in that you will receive the sensitive personal information that you seek. I think that information is way too private for a public forum. But I am often wrong, so....


Fool

 

[gystex]

pS: you could have asked all woman not just a lesbian

Well, if someone asked me what male-to-male sex was all about, I'd be at a loss. I figured the same held true for women.

...when I first have a lover I don't know exactly what she wants I just happen to be familiar with the landscape. It's still a learning process to truely "know" what she likes.

That right there is helpful. I think there's a common assumption among people like me, who don't know better, that homosexual couples instinctively know the territory and therefore have "better sex" (I think there was a Seinfeld episode that suggested as much).

I will read your stories!

 

[gystex]

This is obviously a free country and it is explicitly stated that this web site is all for freedom of speech but you are a braver man than I to put out a general request for information about a topic that is usually considered pretty personal.

Best of luck in your endeavours. Hopefully you will understand that I have a great deal of pessimism in that you will receive the sensitive personal information that you seek. I think that information is way too private for a public forum. But I am often wrong, so....

Well, I'm not asking for names and phone numbers here. As long as it's anonymous, why not be free of inhibition?

 

[Guest]

Hi gystex. I'm not a lesbian but I'm a 'mature' woman who has dyke gal pals. One couple, a great partnership, are especially intelligent, witty and creative women. Both have a Ph.D. and tenure at a major university. Both are particularly attractive and though easily identifiable as dykes they are not stereotypical looking. They both get ticked at the focus on their sex lives by society at large. By being 'other' to heterosexuals, and to gay men, they are often identified primarily by their presumed sexual practice vs. their individual identities.

I mean to say that you need to learn much more about dykes than what they do in bed, or wherever. Which is to say that if you want to do more than write stroke you'll need to 'write' women, as Gauche observes.

regards, Perdita

 

[destinie21]

Well, if someone asked me what male-to-male sex was all about, I'd be at a loss. I figured the same held true for women.




Not so. If I were writing male on male erotica I would ask any guy what they like taking into account that each person is different. I wouldn't ask what you thought of gay anal just what you like during sex.

 

[Pure]

Gystex,
you wrote as below,

While one could question your bona fides, consider some obvious avenues.
1) The 'lesbian' stories at literotica; mostly by lesbians.
2) There is 'smut' written by and for lesbians (and whomever), like the book 'bushfire.'
3) There are some woman-made and lesbian made erotic films, no details missing.
4) The magazine "On our backs" has stories and even fold outs including our own Etoile, I believe.

Other posters have made good points. Let me add one. I don't think you're going to write realistically or literarily about lesbians; nor will you likely develop a lesbian audience. So "actual" lesbian stuff is mostly irrelevant.

Face it; youre a guy, writing mainly for guys (whether you know it or not.). So you can 'construct' the lesbian in whatever way turns you on-- since that would likely turn another guy on, since all guys are pretty similar in sex matters

J.



gystex said:
To any and all lesbians out there:

I'm a guy, and I get turned on by lesbian sex, which gives me something in common with about 90% of other guys out there. I also write about it.

The thing is, all my experience with observing lesbian sex comes from porn - and as everyone knows, lesbian porn is made for men (and is usually directed by men). The women are actresses, and they are playing for the cameras. Obviously, this is a severely distorted view of what lesbian sex is actually like.

I want to write more realistically than that. I want my lesbian characters to be more like the real thing. Since my gender makes it impossible for me to get any real-life experience, and I don't know any lesbian women well enough to discuss the matter with them, I have decided to turn here for a woman's perspective.

Obviously, one cannot truly generalize how someone likes their sex, so by asking "Hey lesbians, what turns you on?" I'm not going to get a complete answer. I'm not asking anyone out there to speak for all lesbian women in general, just for themselves.

So, to any women out there who prefer other women:

What is important to you in a sexual situation? What, specifically, turns you on? What positions do you prefer? Do male standards of feminine beauty apply,

 

[Guest]

I'm not a lesbian . . .

but I AM willing to learn!



Actually, I don't think you can aim a story for that specific target audience. It's too contrived. You'd be spotted a mile away as *gasp* a fraud!

Just write what you enjoy. If it arouses you and you enjoy writing it, others will enjoy the read. And the stroke.

 

[openthighs_sarah]

Like sweetsubsarahh, I too am not technically a lesbian, but I have played one in stories. So take this with a large, sexually adventurous grain of salt.

This is what I would do. I would create a character in my head -- someone interesting, someone I like, who just happens to be either lesbian or bisexual. Then I would take the same questions you asked in your original post, and I would ask the character to answer them. Since I'm not trying to create a generic representation of a "lesbian", but an actual living, breathing character, I'm less concerned with accuracy than with hearing her speak in the first place.

We'd have this conversation:

- What is important to you in a sexual situation?
- You're not actually going to write this down, are you? Put that clipboard away.
- But it's a questionnaire.
- Questionnaires bother me. I'm afraid of paper.
- Okay. I mean, that's fucked up, but okay. What's important to you?
- All of it. It's all important. I really like having my toes sucked, though.
- That's interesting. So do I. Okay, next question. What are your turn-ons?
- Thighs.
- Thighs?
- Did I get it wrong? I can't like thighs?
- No, I just was a little surprised. I figured you'd say "intelligence", or "wit", or "empathy", or something like that.
- Because I'm a lesbian?
- Okay, never mind. You like thighs, that's fine. Um.... why do a lot of lesbians dress like guys, and cut their hair short to look more like men?
- It has to do with an imbalance in the fourteenth chromosone.
- Wow! Really?
- No.
- You don't know, then?
- It would be more accurate to say that I don't care. It's a non-issue. People dress the way they want to dress. Calling it masculine or feminine doesn't make it so. If I were a lesbian with short hair and a dislike for dresses, I would resent the label, or I would just think it's silly.
- Okay, fair enough. You're bisexual, so I wanted to ask--
- I am?
- You are now. How is being with a man different from being with another woman?
- Haven't you ever fantasized about fucking a woman?
- Well, fantasized... sure. And please stop looking at me like that.
- Like what?
- Like I'm going to be your bitch.
- Sorry.
- Is being with a woman more about emotional satisfaction and intimacy than about physical pleasure?
- What do you think?
- I don't know. Yes?
- Wrong. I am who I am, regardless of who I'm fucking. If I want more than physical pleasure, I'll want more whether it's a man or a woman. And as for what I ultimately get out of it -- that's just a function of who my partner is, and how close we are. If you and I fucked, I would expect to give and receive extraordinary amounts of pleasure, of every kind...

---

By this time, I'm starting to figure out who she is, at least a little. And I'm probably crossing my legs quite a bit. I haven't learned a single thing about lesbians, but I do have an idea of what turns her on, what pisses her off, what makes her roll her eyes, what makes her eyes flash, either in anger or in amusement.

Now if I write a story about her, it's going to be true even if I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. The only way I would piss off potential "lesbian readers" is if I create a purely cardboard character and pretend she's everygirl (or everydyke, maybe).

Good luck with your story.