innocentscribbles
Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2010
- Posts
- 63
Hello. I have read a fair amount of the submissions on Literotica, and enjoyed most so much that I finally decided to try my hand at posting something myself. This will be my first piece of writing shared with the general public, and let's just say I think I've gone overboard with self-editing and could really use another set of eyes.
I am about 85% finished with the eighth revision. I've read my own words to the point that my eyes are crossing, and am now second-guessing my chosen direction...again. Before I throw in the proverbial towel and go for revision #9, I would like to salvage this one. I like the chemistry of the characters in this version, but:
a) am not certain I'm translating that chemistry to paper as successfully as I'd like, and
b) have two sections that need a reality check.
I won't post the entire thing (that 85% is currently at 13,346 words) but I'm copying page 1 below for a general idea.
Sooo... I'm looking for a volunteer to suffer through an unfinished piece.
It would fall in the Erotic Couplings section, but if I do stick it out with this revision, I have a few ideas for a follow-up chapter (or chapters) that could angle towards the Romance department.
Page 1:
I rolled into my unofficial parking space and brought the car to a halt, gritting my teeth as I tried not to listen to the irritating squeak of the breaks that desperately needed maintenance. Yet another thing that I needed to take care of, and for the third week in a row, I promised myself that I'd make an appointment on Monday.
Shifting into park, I switched off the air conditioner and turned the key. As the engine died, I let my head fall back against the headrest, and closed my eyes with a long, luxurious sigh.
Friday. Finally. Almost done.
My blissful moment of reverie was interrupted, however, by a high-pitched girlie squeal of glee blasting from the third floor balcony of the building directly ahead. You know that sound. It's a little nasal, and a lot annoying. I suppose some find it appealing or adorable, but me? It meant the girlfriend of my good friend and downstairs neighbor was in town. Normally all that meant was that I would need to find something to do outside of my apartment while she was around, or else he would want to hang out and be social, and that shrill giggle would be grating on my nerves all weekend long.
This time, it meant the plans for the weekend were in jeopardy. For the past week, Tony, Mark, Charlie, and I had been planning a trip to a hunting cabin Tony had just bought in the middle of nowhere for a day and half of hiking and mountain air.
Tony was the aforementioned downstairs neighbor that was like my long-lost brother. Mark and Charlie were his friends from his time in the Marines, and I'd adopted them as extended cousins almost from the very day we met two years ago. They did this sort of thing all the time and always extended an invitation, but I accepted sparingly. I loved some time out in the sun, but I liked my time alone as well, and I figured the boys needed their time to do little boy things without witnesses.
Despite my sudden aggravation that my weekend plans were now at risk, I began the usual avoidance routine whenever I knew she was around. I didn't know if she'd seen me yet; she was probably twittering over something Tony had said or done. I collected my purse from the passenger seat and slid out of the car as quietly as possible, shutting the door softly, and then forced it closed the rest of the way with a muffled bump of my hip. If I could get inside without being spotted-...
“Annie! Oh hey, Annie, up here!”
“Dammit,” I whispered under my breath as I stepped up onto the curb. So much for stealth.
“Hi, Vicki,” I said just loud enough to carry and glanced up to see Tony's blond plaything leaning far over the rail, waving down at me like she was flagging an airplane coming in for a landing.
The building was newly renovated, converting an old four-story warehouse into four open loft-style condos. I loved my loft and the building, but at that particular moment, I wished the construction wasn't quite as sturdy as I knew it was. My imagination briefly ran free, and I envisioned cheerful, bubbly, animated Vicki plummeting twenty-five feet to the concrete below.
With that bright thought tucked away, I smiled up at her with only the tiniest pang of guilt. Tony was a friend, and despite all good sense and reason, he must like her, right? Well she was cute, I suppose. Be nice, I reminded myself.
“Annie, you should come up for dinner,” she gushed, gesturing towards the interior of the third-floor apartment. “Tony's throwing some steaks on the grill, and then we've got a favor to ask.”
A favor? From her, it sounded ominous. “I'd love to, Vicki, but I've got a work thing to go to for dinner before my weekend is my own. Maybe later.” Maybe hell would freeze over, too. You never know.
I am about 85% finished with the eighth revision. I've read my own words to the point that my eyes are crossing, and am now second-guessing my chosen direction...again. Before I throw in the proverbial towel and go for revision #9, I would like to salvage this one. I like the chemistry of the characters in this version, but:
a) am not certain I'm translating that chemistry to paper as successfully as I'd like, and
b) have two sections that need a reality check.
I won't post the entire thing (that 85% is currently at 13,346 words) but I'm copying page 1 below for a general idea.
Sooo... I'm looking for a volunteer to suffer through an unfinished piece.
It would fall in the Erotic Couplings section, but if I do stick it out with this revision, I have a few ideas for a follow-up chapter (or chapters) that could angle towards the Romance department.
Page 1:
I rolled into my unofficial parking space and brought the car to a halt, gritting my teeth as I tried not to listen to the irritating squeak of the breaks that desperately needed maintenance. Yet another thing that I needed to take care of, and for the third week in a row, I promised myself that I'd make an appointment on Monday.
Shifting into park, I switched off the air conditioner and turned the key. As the engine died, I let my head fall back against the headrest, and closed my eyes with a long, luxurious sigh.
Friday. Finally. Almost done.
My blissful moment of reverie was interrupted, however, by a high-pitched girlie squeal of glee blasting from the third floor balcony of the building directly ahead. You know that sound. It's a little nasal, and a lot annoying. I suppose some find it appealing or adorable, but me? It meant the girlfriend of my good friend and downstairs neighbor was in town. Normally all that meant was that I would need to find something to do outside of my apartment while she was around, or else he would want to hang out and be social, and that shrill giggle would be grating on my nerves all weekend long.
This time, it meant the plans for the weekend were in jeopardy. For the past week, Tony, Mark, Charlie, and I had been planning a trip to a hunting cabin Tony had just bought in the middle of nowhere for a day and half of hiking and mountain air.
Tony was the aforementioned downstairs neighbor that was like my long-lost brother. Mark and Charlie were his friends from his time in the Marines, and I'd adopted them as extended cousins almost from the very day we met two years ago. They did this sort of thing all the time and always extended an invitation, but I accepted sparingly. I loved some time out in the sun, but I liked my time alone as well, and I figured the boys needed their time to do little boy things without witnesses.
Despite my sudden aggravation that my weekend plans were now at risk, I began the usual avoidance routine whenever I knew she was around. I didn't know if she'd seen me yet; she was probably twittering over something Tony had said or done. I collected my purse from the passenger seat and slid out of the car as quietly as possible, shutting the door softly, and then forced it closed the rest of the way with a muffled bump of my hip. If I could get inside without being spotted-...
“Annie! Oh hey, Annie, up here!”
“Dammit,” I whispered under my breath as I stepped up onto the curb. So much for stealth.
“Hi, Vicki,” I said just loud enough to carry and glanced up to see Tony's blond plaything leaning far over the rail, waving down at me like she was flagging an airplane coming in for a landing.
The building was newly renovated, converting an old four-story warehouse into four open loft-style condos. I loved my loft and the building, but at that particular moment, I wished the construction wasn't quite as sturdy as I knew it was. My imagination briefly ran free, and I envisioned cheerful, bubbly, animated Vicki plummeting twenty-five feet to the concrete below.
With that bright thought tucked away, I smiled up at her with only the tiniest pang of guilt. Tony was a friend, and despite all good sense and reason, he must like her, right? Well she was cute, I suppose. Be nice, I reminded myself.
“Annie, you should come up for dinner,” she gushed, gesturing towards the interior of the third-floor apartment. “Tony's throwing some steaks on the grill, and then we've got a favor to ask.”
A favor? From her, it sounded ominous. “I'd love to, Vicki, but I've got a work thing to go to for dinner before my weekend is my own. Maybe later.” Maybe hell would freeze over, too. You never know.
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