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Only in Canada ~ pity!
From the Toronto Globe and Mail Monday 12 May 2003 ~ by David MacFarlane
It says here (and I’m not making this up), that this is National Masturbation Month – the observance of which is not entirely clear to me.
For one thing, a month seems a little excessive; I would have thought 10 minutes would have done the trick. For another, it’s difficult to imagine that masturbation, as a cause, is under prescribed.
But, when you stop to think about it, how do you know? Maybe you’re the only one. So let’s not jump to any conclusions. Maybe we really should be rallying round. One doesn’t want to let the side down.
And anyway, just because a subject comes with more than one cheap double entendres than you can shake a stick at, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be given every opening. I’m willing to pull my weight, I suppose. It’s just that for those of us who aren’t 18 anymore, it could be a long month.
The problem is that beyond the obvious, it is not at all apparent to me what to do as part of these festivities. Does a maypole come into it, I wonder? Are batteries supplied? It is difficult, you must admit, to picture the parade.
As a general rule, I’m all in favour of national months, or weeks, or days for this cause or that. It’s always good to bring a little consciousness-raising to what I sometimes fear is a depressingly blank national calendar. If it weren’t for Canada Book Week, or National Pet Month, or International Earth Day, far too many of us might be left with our own private little “Take out the garbage before the truck comes” Morning, or Canada “Will spring never get here?” Month, or the National “Hockey Playoffs” Eon.
Other constituencies are not quite so patient in their observances. In fact, as attention spans continue to decline, it’s possible we’ll soon have specially designated hours with which to contend,
This may not be a bad thing. I wonder if we could finally dump the monarchy, but keep the Monarchist League, but keep the Molotov cocktails by holding an annual “Welsh Corgi and Wellington Boot Appreciation Afternoon”. If anyone cares to begin lobbying for a reduction of Christmas to a yearly half hour, you can sign me up. A national; “We love Toronto” minute or two might have actually got off the ground back in this city’s hour of need.
Still, it comes as a bit of a shock to think that masturbation might need a publicity campaign. With the possible exception of Elsie Wayne, has anyone not heard about it? I’m only guessing, of course, but I have the impression that it continues to thrive, and that it may not need the boost that the organizers of National Masturbation Month feel it requires
From the Toronto Globe and Mail Monday 12 May 2003 ~ by David MacFarlane
It says here (and I’m not making this up), that this is National Masturbation Month – the observance of which is not entirely clear to me.
For one thing, a month seems a little excessive; I would have thought 10 minutes would have done the trick. For another, it’s difficult to imagine that masturbation, as a cause, is under prescribed.
But, when you stop to think about it, how do you know? Maybe you’re the only one. So let’s not jump to any conclusions. Maybe we really should be rallying round. One doesn’t want to let the side down.
And anyway, just because a subject comes with more than one cheap double entendres than you can shake a stick at, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be given every opening. I’m willing to pull my weight, I suppose. It’s just that for those of us who aren’t 18 anymore, it could be a long month.
The problem is that beyond the obvious, it is not at all apparent to me what to do as part of these festivities. Does a maypole come into it, I wonder? Are batteries supplied? It is difficult, you must admit, to picture the parade.
As a general rule, I’m all in favour of national months, or weeks, or days for this cause or that. It’s always good to bring a little consciousness-raising to what I sometimes fear is a depressingly blank national calendar. If it weren’t for Canada Book Week, or National Pet Month, or International Earth Day, far too many of us might be left with our own private little “Take out the garbage before the truck comes” Morning, or Canada “Will spring never get here?” Month, or the National “Hockey Playoffs” Eon.
Other constituencies are not quite so patient in their observances. In fact, as attention spans continue to decline, it’s possible we’ll soon have specially designated hours with which to contend,
This may not be a bad thing. I wonder if we could finally dump the monarchy, but keep the Monarchist League, but keep the Molotov cocktails by holding an annual “Welsh Corgi and Wellington Boot Appreciation Afternoon”. If anyone cares to begin lobbying for a reduction of Christmas to a yearly half hour, you can sign me up. A national; “We love Toronto” minute or two might have actually got off the ground back in this city’s hour of need.
Still, it comes as a bit of a shock to think that masturbation might need a publicity campaign. With the possible exception of Elsie Wayne, has anyone not heard about it? I’m only guessing, of course, but I have the impression that it continues to thrive, and that it may not need the boost that the organizers of National Masturbation Month feel it requires
