My Work Release Musings

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

One month ago I went to the MD for the first time in 22 years. My MD put me on like 7 medications, and tomorrow I start #8. I wasn't THAT sick but I feel better mentally. Let me add that the old Johnson works like a 1932 Duesenberg and needed no meds.

That said, LIT management asked me to do something, anything, to save this board from its resident harridans, PILOT and BOBBY REAMS. Maybe I can teach them how to write something besides sleep aids.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

JBJ, the only thing that could help Pilot is a full frontal lobotomy;

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

THE DEADLY EDGE by Donald Westlake

This is close to the last of the original Parker books. Twenty-five years later Westlake wrote more. This one sucks. Its reputed to be swell but it sucks.

The Story: Parker and his gang rob a rock concert of its gate. And almost as soon as the gang flees someone starts killing the gang members. Parker goes away with his new girlfriend, Claire, to play house in the woods near New York City until one of the gang calls with a 911 problem. Parker finds the caller dead, and warns Claire to flee to the city. She refuses and the killers invade her home.

Claire is too stupid to breath and fart at the same time, and Parker catches what she has.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

8 MILLION WAYS TO DIE by Lawrence Block

Its another Matt Scudder noir mystery featuring multiple plots.

Scudder is a newly minted clean & sober alcoholic who obsesses about AA meetings and sleeps with some of the AA girls he encounters. Its one of the plots. Another plot is about a hooker named Kim who hires Matt to help her flee the pimp she works for. She fucks Matt and is soon murdered, and the pimp is the obvious suspect. New plot: The pimp hires Matt to prove his innocence. Then another hooker, named Sunny, dies. And a transsexual hooker, named Cookie, is murdered.

The cops think theyre dealing with Jack the Ripper. Matt thinks Kim had a secret lover who killed her. And the pimp's girls think he's a Jonah. It all falls in place at the very end when Matt divines the method in all the madness. Its not quite a revelation from God, but close.

The whole thing reminds me of the poems posted to LIT, and neither story nor poems rhyme.

 

[R. Richard]

JBJ, the only thing that could help Pilot is a full frontal lobotomy;

I think that Pilot is a guy who wants, "A bottle in front of me, instead of a frontal lobotomy."

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I think that Pilot is a guy who wants, "A bottle in front of me, instead of a frontal lobotomy."

YOU DONT ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT! Mick Jagger

My grand daughters wear shirts with the same quote.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I think that Pilot is a guy who wants, "A bottle in front of me, instead of a frontal lobotomy."

PILOT is our bottle scarred veteran.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

My Loving Wives novella reached its target page count, 100 pages. Editing will change it some. Call it 6 LIT pages. 1K to 3K is my habitat NOT 20K so I'm amazed at its length. But the story is simple hard crime noir with no appeal to women. Lets call it FERAL PUSSY.

Do I submit it from my alt account to nip the bull shit in the bud?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Oh my! The word count is now 35K, and I'm inventing snarky bits of dialog a la Raymond Chandler....like this: Fools light the path of the wise. I think theyre called aphorisms. Before Chandler a New York writer named J.A. Macon filled a column with such things:

DE noise o' de wheels don't medjer de load in de
wagon.

BLIND horse know when de trough empty.

I made this one from tv game shows: He's the sort of guy who's quick to trade his fistful of dollars for the shit hid behind door #3.

The process of inventing snarky bits is simple enough. In grad school I took a clinical course I call WTF? Our challenge involved determining what people mean when they say what they say. Ah! I remember! The course was titled INTENTIONALITY.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

putting name-calling aside.

any chance of a read before it goes up?

and i'm being sincere, before you go off on one!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

putting name-calling aside.

any chance of a read before it goes up?

and i'm being sincere, before you go off on one!

Sure, but it wont be soon. I wanna edit the crap out of it. I'll send you a heads up PM.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Sure, but it wont be soon. I wanna edit the crap out of it. I'll send you a heads up PM.

sweet. is an email acceptable - once it's to your spec?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

sweet. is an email acceptable - once it's to your spec?

I'll send it via a word file but will alert you first.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

IF THE DEAD RISE NOT by Philip Kerr

This is the last of the Bernie Gunther books for me, I read them all, and this is the runt of the litter. Its implausible and scatter logical.

In 1934 Bernie Gunther is a hotel dick who kills a Gestapo officer who stops Bernie on the street to harass him for being 1/4th Jew. The Gestapo comes after Bernie forcing him to change his official genealogy everywhere records are kept. No problem, consider it done, no charge. Then he finds a stolen Chinese vase stolen from the hotel but the vase owner isn't happy about the recovery, because he's a gangster trying to fuck the hotel and insurance. Then he connects with a wealthy Jewish doll, helps her solve a murder mystery. They fuck, and she gives him a fat check to start his own agency. She says she loves him and Hitler tosses her outta Germany. They meet 20 years later in Cuba, and he meets his 19 year old daughter. Who knew!

It stumbles around from one thing to another and little happens.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

I'll send it via a word file but will alert you first.

thankees.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I changed the title of my book to KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS and the word count is now 50K. Its the story of a guy who kills niggers, queers, nuts, and assholes for the police. He makes a ton of money after he shoots Reverend Hal, the boil on law enforcements balls, and uses the money to create a first rate bordello.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I chopped 100 pages from the book but kept the story I stole from Glynndah. Its greatly improved with the edit.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

NEW HOPE FOR THE DEAD by Charles Willeford

The ending saved it tho much of whats between the covers is boring. That is, Hoke Moseley's Cuban partner is knocked up and unmarried, and his ex unloads two teen daughters on him. The bulk of the book is about Hoke's challenge to find a cheap apartment inside Miami.

The end saves the book because it solves everyone's problems in a sleazy sort of way. Hoke fakes a limp dick to catch a killer. Most LIT readers can do the same but its creative.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Almost done with a new trailer trash story I call HOG HEAVEN. A young soldier comes home for his step-fathers funeral and learns Ma and Howard were never married, now Ma gets no bennies or shit from anyone, and Howards pay is kaput. Then his aunts honey is sent to prison. And then our young man wins the LOTTO but conceals it from Ma and Auntie. ITs not a huge payday but he keeps 4 million of it.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Almost done with a new trailer trash story I call HOG HEAVEN. A young soldier comes home for his step-fathers funeral and learns Ma and Howard were never married, now Ma gets no bennies or shit from anyone, and Howards pay is kaput. Then his aunts honey is sent to prison. And then our young man wins the LOTTO but conceals it from Ma and Auntie. ITs not a huge payday but he keeps 4 million of it.

send it over. i've got a shitload of flights coming up and need some reads.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

send it over. i've got a shitload of flights coming up and need some reads.

I submitted it this morning.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I think I wanna make more chapters of the Hog Heaven story. Its about twin sisters from Ohio who make babies with one sisters adult son and live together in a trailer park. The sisters are cafeteria workers at a local school. The 'aunt' has two twin daughters, both 18. Junior has more pussy than he can handle.

I wanna make the new chapters mini-dramas, like when the lady from child protective services gets involved with the moms, or when the moms bring home co-workers in need of temporary shelter, or the old lez trying to drag one of the cousins home.

I think I'll add some race, too. A black social worker, a Cuban cop, a Cherokee lesbian, etc.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

By accident I came across a nude photo gallery posted by a LIT lady many know from these boards. Her name is odd, and she posts partials of her face, so I recognized her. She's heavier and older in the nudes, but attractive! Early 50s NOT early 40s.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

I submitted it this morning.

under an alt or as jimbo?

i could do with it email so i can convert it to something more travel manageable.

...please.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

under an alt or as jimbo?

i could do with it email so i can convert it to something more travel manageable.

...please.

Its up today. JAMESBJOHNSON account