My wife, her aunt and me

[DarkLover]

Okay, in RL my wife has an aunt who we both agree is very sexy. This aunt is only 9 years older than my wife and has always been like a sister to her. This aunt is a big, blonde BBW too. One time when my wife and I had a few drinks and were talking about our fantasies, we both agreed it would be hot if one or both of us could be dominated by this aunt.

My wife and I have experimented with bdsm. She likes to be a sub and I'm more of a switch. She's not comfortable in the Domme role, so this means I never really get to play the sub. So I was thinking about writing a story in which my wife takes me out on a date and then back to a hotel for a big surprise. Her aunt is waiting there in a Domme outfit and she proceeds to force me to submit to my wife. There's no sexual play between me and the aunt; she just spanks, flogs and verbally humiliates me while she forces me to serve my wife.

Would this story sound better if told in the first person (me) or third?

 

[JRaven]

Would this story sound better if told in the first person (me) or third?

In my experience, it's almost always better to write in third person. My first story was told in first person, mom/son incest. You'd be surprised how many people sent feedback with comments about me fucking my son! Some were disgusted, some thought it was cool. Even a few came back with, "you too?!?"

Also, I think third person makes a story more readable. (Just my opinion, mind you) But it can also make it more writable. If you do first person from the male's perspective, you can't really reveal what either of the women are thinking. Granted, there are exceptions: Later, my wife told me that she thought I was going to smack her aunt back after the flogging. It works, but if you do it too much, readability sinks in the mud.

Again, these are only my humble opinions. But hey, you asked!

Back to the story...
I like the overall idea. Your wife isn't dominant, so the aunt steps in, forcing you to submit to your wife. She slowly realizes the power of the domme and tells her aunt that she really wishes you would ____ . Of course, the aunt makes sure you obey.

I tend to over write my stories, but maybe in the final scene, the wife asks to borrow the flog. She immediately smacks her aunt on the ass and orders her down. As a gift to you both, she orders you and the aunt to put on a good show for her and fuck.

Jenny

 

[Carnevil9]

First person vs. third person is a common discussion point around here, and it's always fun to debate. Many people feel that first person is harder to write, and they are probably correct.

I generally choose third person perspective if I want the reader to "watch" the story, like a television show. But I use first person if I want them to identify with a particular character, or feel it from that character's viewpoint. The story is the same, either way, but the emotional experience is different. Just MHO, of course!.......Carney

 

[DarkLover]

In my experience, it's almost always better to write in third person. My first story was told in first person, mom/son incest. You'd be surprised how many people sent feedback with comments about me fucking my son! Some were disgusted, some thought it was cool. Even a few came back with, "you too?!?"

Also, I think third person makes a story more readable. (Just my opinion, mind you) But it can also make it more writable. If you do first person from the male's perspective, you can't really reveal what either of the women are thinking. Granted, there are exceptions: Later, my wife told me that she thought I was going to smack her aunt back after the flogging. It works, but if you do it too much, readability sinks in the mud.

Again, these are only my humble opinions. But hey, you asked!

Back to the story...
I like the overall idea. Your wife isn't dominant, so the aunt steps in, forcing you to submit to your wife. She slowly realizes the power of the domme and tells her aunt that she really wishes you would ____ . Of course, the aunt makes sure you obey.

I tend to over write my stories, but maybe in the final scene, the wife asks to borrow the flog. She immediately smacks her aunt on the ass and orders her down. As a gift to you both, she orders you and the aunt to put on a good show for her and fuck.

Jenny

Excellent points, Jenny.

As for your idea for the final scene, that's a good one, but I don't think I'll go there. Sure, in a world where anything was possible, that would be very hot. But in RL my wife would never let me fuck her aunt (as far as I know...but I could be wrong). So I wouldn't want to have the story end in a way that will offend my wife. Very creative of you though.

Thanks!

 

[DarkBee]

I've used both perspectives, for instance: when writing an incest themed diary-like story, it's impossible to use the 3rd person and get away with it (and then I got an e-mail with a request for pics of my mom and my sis... some people don't seem to understand this is a story-site, most of the stories here are fiction).

 

[DarkLover]

I guess I see advantages to both points of view. At this point I'm leaning toward 1st person because it will maintain the element of surprise and you avoid artificially having to change viewpoints from one character to another.

 

[emap]

Third person doesn't change viewpoints, it shows everything. The best description I ever heard of it was third person is for people with a god's complex, you see everything and can hear what everyone is thinking.

First person is more along the lines of being there yourself, so it is especially good for erotic stories, and to drive home the underlying point of the idea behind the story. In erotic terms that means get the reader off, though is also really useful for most anything else.

Not to say third person isn't just as useful, personally I look at it as being great for showing what everyone thinks, and first just being better for everything else. My own personal take on it, opinions will of course vary.

 

[DarkLover]

Third person doesn't change viewpoints, it shows everything. The best description I ever heard of it was third person is for people with a god's complex, you see everything and can hear what everyone is thinking.

I should have been clearer.

There are actually two different kinds of 3rd person writing (at least).

You are referring to what has sometimes been called the 3rd person omniscient view. This does exactly what you say--allow the reader to experience everything that every character is experiencing.

Then there's the 3rd person limited view. This uses 3rd person grammar but tells the story mainly through the eyes of a single character. Therefore you don't know what everyone else is thinking unless that character has a way of knowing. It's awkward to switch viewpoints in this style, and this is what I meant.

 

[emap]

Probably shouldn't get into this sort of a discussion in story idea, but ah what the heck.

OK to me, a third person limited is some dimwits idea of writing a first person story but not really, if you rewrite a third person limited to have I, my so on so forth you have a working first person tale. The only difference is how the character the story follows is referred to.

Which is more or less, someone trying to make the story seem more grandiose than it is. Generally there is no mention of something taking place the main character is not present for, generally because the writer wrote a first person and changed the identifiers.

Now to look at a 3rd person that follows one person and is still actually third person, read Stephen King, his Dark Tower series is a good example of that, he jumps around, but never with anyone but the gunslinger for very long. He writes mostly in a 3rd person semiomniscient. It works for him, though most I doubt can do the same style well.