G
Guest
Guest
Well musketeer had her say non-biased, so here's mine:
I met my ex-girlfriend at a friend's party 6 years ago. My brother knew her for the past thirteen years, as he and her went to high school together. They were just friends, not close, but not distant. Anyways, I did not know at the time I met my ex, that she knew my brother and he her, until we actually got together which was weeks later. (I did not express my interest in her as I was in the midst of going on a holiday, and upon return, I went for a job interview. When I returned from the interview, only then did I tell my best friend's wife (who is her friend) that I had an interest in her. THEN...we started to see each other, although at this time my brother rarely hung out with us then.
I knew my ex-girlfriend had just left her previous boyfriend of 8 years at that time, but I knew very little of this man. In two weeks of seeing her she told me she loved me, and was upset I could not tell her the same. I told her it was too soon and my feelings would have to grow naturally in time for her. This upset her and for the next while she kept on me about when I would feel that way. Not to mention in the meantime her personal problems began to show through and she and I began to fight and argue constantly. I found out she had a head injury and severe anxiety disorder, not to mention she had been abused by her ex-boyfriend of 8 years, as well as other men (stepfather,etc) since she was 9 years old. I basically became part of her life and her problems for the next nearly 2 years. On a good note she is (and can be) a very kind and understanding woman, generous etc which in the context of those qualities I did eventually fall in love with her, but bore the brunt of her abuse symptoms from her past. After breaking up and getting back together umpteen times (I was the one who always initiated the breakups, as she did not, possibly set in her own mind that I was being cruel when in reality was trying to relieve the both of us of a weird catch22 of love and hate). At the time her mother and I hated each other, and she was in constant control of her daughter's life emotionally and mentally manipulating her, which of course angered me and caused the tension between the three of us. The fact I was a college student and poor didn't help matters much, and I was constantly badgered about finances and marriage. When I did break up with her for good, she was residing in the psychiatric ward of the hospital with her ex-boyfriend of 8 years and her mother trying to convince her to completely eliminate me, and take up with him again (as he had money, a house, a car, bank account etc). So for the next 4 years she fell prey to this ploy, not truly loving this man (as she still deeply loved me), and eventually moving in with him (to escape her mother). She returned to him to be abused again, and through his coaxings of wanting a child and her mother's coaxings of wanting grandchildren, she got pregnant with his son. After the child was born, he kicked her out of the house in the pouring rain with a 4 week old baby in her arms, because he had changed his mind about kids as it spoiled his financial prospects of buying a bassboat (sic).
She (my ex-girlfriend) finally went to a women's shelter and they helped her find a place to live (only a mile and a half away from her ex of 8 years, but it was a place to call home). So for a year she resided there in isolation and fear of her ex and others and did the best she could to raise her son, all the while where her ex of 8 years harrassed and badgered her on the phone and on visiting days when he came to see his son (as the court ruling of stopping visitation got buggered up with red tape and became useless as a means of preventing further abuse to her and the boy).
So here's where I came back in again. During those 4 years of her and I being completely apart and gone, I pained for her dearly as I always wondered how it might have been if her mother and ex were'nt involved and it was just us two. Apparently she felt the same way, and on New Years Day of this year she sent me a letter telling me how she still loved me and how she had a 1 1/2 year old son. Initially I was going to write her back and wish her the best (move on) but in all truth I still loved her dearly regardless of her past (maybe I'm crazy?). So we slowly got back together and grew once again in our love, and her son and I became very close.
About three months later, after minor arguements, her son became very violent and troubled (hitting,biting, throwing, screaming, viscious temper etc) on a constant and daily basis. We couldn't figure it out, as her and I never hurt or mistreated the child. Her mother and I had patched up our differences and were getting along too. Whenever her son came home from her mother's house he was content and happy. But whenever he returned from a visit with his dad, he came back distant and cranky hitting and biting himself, with his legs and arms covered in round bruises. My ex and I took her son to many many people , agencies and hospitals only for the bruises and concerns to be dismissed as "normal" for a child his age. (question is: why were all the bruises round and the size of a man's index finger imprint). My ex and I began to argue like we used to all over again, with her and I getting into some really nasty confrontations (away from the child). It became old hat again as I got sick and tired of the pressures and abuses from her, her ex of 8 years and now her son's unexplained irradic behavior. (this young boy has hit me and bit me many many times, and is completely unruly after visiting his dad, taking days for him to come back to his normal state of behavior : happy and carefree). So we wound up doing the break up/make up thing again like before. So the day finally came 9 months later where I said no more, as I was sick of the crap circumstances involved with her and was sick of being labelled the "bad guy" on account of always being the one who broke us up. Now my brother get's involved!
My brother had hung out with my ex and I over the nine month period, and being it's your brother I naiively believed in trusting him. Bad move! After a week or so of breaking off, she apparently saw my brother looking at her differently, and so she asked him if he had feelings for her, which he did. I was kept in the dark by him and it was my ex who told me 2 weeks later about his feelings for her. Then when my brother knew she told me, he immediately asked me "are you ok with that?" problem was I was so fuckin stunned I didn't know what to say except "yeah". I was in a state of shock for the next 2 weeks trying to figure it out, as in the meantime my ex and him grew closer and had basically taken on a new relationship of their own. She still loved me, I still had love for her regardless of breaking up because we went back a long way in our intamicy and love (believe me it was more than just sex here, this girl and I jelled when it came to our similarities, apart from the fact we couldn't deal with each other's circumstances). So basically last night it all came to a head. My brother and her were talking and they asked me to join in to resolve the feelings, problem was my brother kept indirectly and subtly trying to tell me to basically"get over it" so he could move on in to what he wanted with her. Both my ex and I tried to tell him it would take time to get our feelings in perspective, but he kept insisting angrily that we (especially me) get over our feelings soon, as he had his mind made up to BE WITH my ex for the rest of his life if they worked out. So short of kicking his pompous ass across my fuckin room, I basically ended everything then and there. I told him that I'm not God, and he can do whatever he likes and she can too, but I'll never be his best man. I'll never trust him again, and I want nothing to do with him or my ex or any similar involving situation again ever. So today he decides to move out on his own, and doesn't give a rats ass as he continues to pursue his selfish endeavors, regardless of me telling him I'd never have done that to you and your ex, because I respect you. Lesson learned here is blood is not always thicker than water. Lovers cheat and lie. And self looks out for self. And you know, looking out for number 1 seems to be the way of the day, so thats who I'll be looking out for from this day on.
I met my ex-girlfriend at a friend's party 6 years ago. My brother knew her for the past thirteen years, as he and her went to high school together. They were just friends, not close, but not distant. Anyways, I did not know at the time I met my ex, that she knew my brother and he her, until we actually got together which was weeks later. (I did not express my interest in her as I was in the midst of going on a holiday, and upon return, I went for a job interview. When I returned from the interview, only then did I tell my best friend's wife (who is her friend) that I had an interest in her. THEN...we started to see each other, although at this time my brother rarely hung out with us then.
I knew my ex-girlfriend had just left her previous boyfriend of 8 years at that time, but I knew very little of this man. In two weeks of seeing her she told me she loved me, and was upset I could not tell her the same. I told her it was too soon and my feelings would have to grow naturally in time for her. This upset her and for the next while she kept on me about when I would feel that way. Not to mention in the meantime her personal problems began to show through and she and I began to fight and argue constantly. I found out she had a head injury and severe anxiety disorder, not to mention she had been abused by her ex-boyfriend of 8 years, as well as other men (stepfather,etc) since she was 9 years old. I basically became part of her life and her problems for the next nearly 2 years. On a good note she is (and can be) a very kind and understanding woman, generous etc which in the context of those qualities I did eventually fall in love with her, but bore the brunt of her abuse symptoms from her past. After breaking up and getting back together umpteen times (I was the one who always initiated the breakups, as she did not, possibly set in her own mind that I was being cruel when in reality was trying to relieve the both of us of a weird catch22 of love and hate). At the time her mother and I hated each other, and she was in constant control of her daughter's life emotionally and mentally manipulating her, which of course angered me and caused the tension between the three of us. The fact I was a college student and poor didn't help matters much, and I was constantly badgered about finances and marriage. When I did break up with her for good, she was residing in the psychiatric ward of the hospital with her ex-boyfriend of 8 years and her mother trying to convince her to completely eliminate me, and take up with him again (as he had money, a house, a car, bank account etc). So for the next 4 years she fell prey to this ploy, not truly loving this man (as she still deeply loved me), and eventually moving in with him (to escape her mother). She returned to him to be abused again, and through his coaxings of wanting a child and her mother's coaxings of wanting grandchildren, she got pregnant with his son. After the child was born, he kicked her out of the house in the pouring rain with a 4 week old baby in her arms, because he had changed his mind about kids as it spoiled his financial prospects of buying a bassboat (sic).
She (my ex-girlfriend) finally went to a women's shelter and they helped her find a place to live (only a mile and a half away from her ex of 8 years, but it was a place to call home). So for a year she resided there in isolation and fear of her ex and others and did the best she could to raise her son, all the while where her ex of 8 years harrassed and badgered her on the phone and on visiting days when he came to see his son (as the court ruling of stopping visitation got buggered up with red tape and became useless as a means of preventing further abuse to her and the boy).
So here's where I came back in again. During those 4 years of her and I being completely apart and gone, I pained for her dearly as I always wondered how it might have been if her mother and ex were'nt involved and it was just us two. Apparently she felt the same way, and on New Years Day of this year she sent me a letter telling me how she still loved me and how she had a 1 1/2 year old son. Initially I was going to write her back and wish her the best (move on) but in all truth I still loved her dearly regardless of her past (maybe I'm crazy?). So we slowly got back together and grew once again in our love, and her son and I became very close.
About three months later, after minor arguements, her son became very violent and troubled (hitting,biting, throwing, screaming, viscious temper etc) on a constant and daily basis. We couldn't figure it out, as her and I never hurt or mistreated the child. Her mother and I had patched up our differences and were getting along too. Whenever her son came home from her mother's house he was content and happy. But whenever he returned from a visit with his dad, he came back distant and cranky hitting and biting himself, with his legs and arms covered in round bruises. My ex and I took her son to many many people , agencies and hospitals only for the bruises and concerns to be dismissed as "normal" for a child his age. (question is: why were all the bruises round and the size of a man's index finger imprint). My ex and I began to argue like we used to all over again, with her and I getting into some really nasty confrontations (away from the child). It became old hat again as I got sick and tired of the pressures and abuses from her, her ex of 8 years and now her son's unexplained irradic behavior. (this young boy has hit me and bit me many many times, and is completely unruly after visiting his dad, taking days for him to come back to his normal state of behavior : happy and carefree). So we wound up doing the break up/make up thing again like before. So the day finally came 9 months later where I said no more, as I was sick of the crap circumstances involved with her and was sick of being labelled the "bad guy" on account of always being the one who broke us up. Now my brother get's involved!
My brother had hung out with my ex and I over the nine month period, and being it's your brother I naiively believed in trusting him. Bad move! After a week or so of breaking off, she apparently saw my brother looking at her differently, and so she asked him if he had feelings for her, which he did. I was kept in the dark by him and it was my ex who told me 2 weeks later about his feelings for her. Then when my brother knew she told me, he immediately asked me "are you ok with that?" problem was I was so fuckin stunned I didn't know what to say except "yeah". I was in a state of shock for the next 2 weeks trying to figure it out, as in the meantime my ex and him grew closer and had basically taken on a new relationship of their own. She still loved me, I still had love for her regardless of breaking up because we went back a long way in our intamicy and love (believe me it was more than just sex here, this girl and I jelled when it came to our similarities, apart from the fact we couldn't deal with each other's circumstances). So basically last night it all came to a head. My brother and her were talking and they asked me to join in to resolve the feelings, problem was my brother kept indirectly and subtly trying to tell me to basically"get over it" so he could move on in to what he wanted with her. Both my ex and I tried to tell him it would take time to get our feelings in perspective, but he kept insisting angrily that we (especially me) get over our feelings soon, as he had his mind made up to BE WITH my ex for the rest of his life if they worked out. So short of kicking his pompous ass across my fuckin room, I basically ended everything then and there. I told him that I'm not God, and he can do whatever he likes and she can too, but I'll never be his best man. I'll never trust him again, and I want nothing to do with him or my ex or any similar involving situation again ever. So today he decides to move out on his own, and doesn't give a rats ass as he continues to pursue his selfish endeavors, regardless of me telling him I'd never have done that to you and your ex, because I respect you. Lesson learned here is blood is not always thicker than water. Lovers cheat and lie. And self looks out for self. And you know, looking out for number 1 seems to be the way of the day, so thats who I'll be looking out for from this day on.
