My time

[Debbie]

It is so late here
2:30 am and finally i am worn down
I often make impersonal silly threads to wear down the time but tonight I find myself melancholy
Writing instead to fill my "gaps"
Should a troll wander along and "add" to my misery he/she will be extinguished by my anguish
I have a 7 yr old little boy who is such a nice kid (genuine not "mommy" biased)
he is intellijent, funny and does well at school
He loves to amke people happy and would tryuly give you the shirt off his back
He has been sick for two years now and has been diagnosed with chronic fatigue cyndrome
To partially understand what he suffers try this link

http://www.cfids.org/youth/default.htm

I am writing still
Tonight I wrote six poems
None of whom meant anything to me except the last

I share iot with you knowing that it may mean nothing to others but a lot to me


Fatigue drives me

By Debbiexxx


I cannot sleep, and so instead I write
Things go wrong and I cannot fix quickly
I constantly weep, but no quick solution

But I am attacked by things I cannot bite
Germs with no respect for my great ability
I cannot forgive the bugs for their intrusion

I want to tell them get out right of my sight
Leave me alone and watch their futility
But on this sad, dire extreme occasion

There is nothing to be done, it’s all a fright
Out of my hands, control, completely
Instead I watch, naked against the invasion

Watching as my son’s body isn’t right
Knowing I am weak, I stand helplessly
Seeing him weaken in my eye’s vision

My son, I try again and with all my might
To fix your health, your strength, vitality
Making you better my life’s mission

Late, very late, well into the night
I find myself thinking, questioningly
Needing to find insight, intuition

Instead I find, constant nothing, despite
My best efforts, again I sleep shortly
Knowing your unstable condition

And yet each night, I think of your plight
Trying to achieve a new approach you see
I love you son, I wish I was a magician

 

[Debbie]

I will continue to try and be positive

Belief or not to Belief?


By Debbiexxx

If we peacefully die tonight
Will we go towards the light?

Or since we have so much sin
Will we awake in a fiery herein?

Does the soul freely pass
From our weary lifeless mass?

Truly do we really know
From whence to where we go?

When our life is said and done
Is it finished or just begun?

Some believe in reincarnation
Do you trust in creation?

So many questions there are
But not enough answers by far?

Do we trust in religious belief
Or cover up with a fig leaf?

Belief in what we have is ok
But must we accept and obey?

We cannot conform but rebel
Belief, faith, a soothing spell?

 

[cymbidia]

I'm sorry, Debbie, for your worry and pain with regard to your son. No one can help the lost moments you've endured worrying about this, the agony you've given to worrying about him, or the tears you've spilled knowing there's nothing you can do to "kiss it and make it all better" the way we do for skinned knees and bumps and bruises of normal childhood.

But i understand your hurt. I had a very seriously ill child for a couple years. She was hospitalized at one point and the doctors said it was probable that she was only a few days from death. Now, however, 18 months past that time, all is well and she's a happy, normal, totally healthy almost-13 year old.

So i understand the demons that chase you around at 2:30 in the morning. I understand your helplessness and your agony. If that helps at all.