My three stories so far

[roticwizard]

#1 http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=202508
#2 http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=250611
#3 http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=272354

They're all incest/taboo just so you know.

The third story is my newest one, the other two are older.
I would like more feedback on these stories as I'm never sure how many people have bothered to read them. I've had some reviews, no bad ones interestingly; but I'd like to hear more feedback before Ch.4 ever comes out.

The side story that follows the 3rd chapter is in the works; but I'd like to know what everyone really thinks about these tales.

 

[Flashlight7.5]

Needs editing

I skimmed through the first story. "Skimmed" is the key word there. You obviously have a lot of passion for the material, but there's not much here apart from a lot of fucking.

Granted, that's fine if you want to write a stroke story. If you're looking to write a piece of erotica, it needs a lot of work.

"Let me start with something that's important to the story."

Never start a story with this. Let the readers find out what is important to the story by reading the story. Don't tell them, "This is important. Pay attention." It insults the intelligence of the readers.

For all the fucking you put in this story, you leave out a lot of details. You tell, but you do not show. Here are some examples:

"A moment after I started to cum I stopped, and pushed in one last time. I got low and kissed my sister. "That felt good," I said."

Huh? It's a dry sentence, almost "I did A, then B, followed by C."

"She groaned as she hand another small orgasm; then I had an orgasm."

That's it?

The last two paragraphs are also insulting to the reader. All they say is "Look how cool I am."

One last thing, the word "suddenly" should be eliminated from all literature.

You have a lot of passion for what you write, but you need an editor.

 

[Jen24]

I agree with Flashlight 7.5

Although incest isn't really my thing. The first chapter was enthusiastic, but could certainly benefit from a little finesse and restraint. As the old (but true) saw goes: less is more. I understand that you wanted to include it all, be everywhere, touchtastefeelhear everything, but as a reader I found it a little fatiguing. However, I understand that's what a lot of folks want from a story, and if the punters are happy ... Bums on seats, comments on board, number of views and all that.

Incidentally, Flashlight, I'm not sure the word "suddenly" is so heinous that it ought to be expunged from all of literature. I call as my witnesses Antonio (speaking at Act Two, Scene Three of Shakespeare's "Two Gentlemen of Verona"):

"My will is something sorted with his wish.
Muse not that I thus SUDDENLY proceed,
For what I will, I will, and there an end."

and the opening stanza of Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven":

"Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, SUDDENLY there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
" 'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door;
Only this, and nothing more."

I don't think these are marred by the use of the word.

 

[roticwizard]

How true how true.

Most of what I've come to understand about what's popular and what people want is the here, the now, and the good heated descriptions. I guess I may be following what others want; and I've been trying to alter how I write a little bit, trying to get more in there, more storyline; but....it's not easy anymore.

The more I'm trying a get into a relationship, the less likely I am to write a story. When I get smacked down, it picks my pace back up...unfortunately right now I'm very interested in someone...and it makes me less likely to read my stories and finess the lengthy and aggravating parts.

I want more from some of my readers, and I appreciate the feedback.

I also understand that 'suddenly' is overused; but I try my hardest to make sure not to overuse it. But...when I'm really getting into it, really writing and writing, I'll miss it. So....yeah