My story
- Thread starter Tiffany8
- Start date
emap
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2004
- Posts
- 6,379
For those to lazy to search. http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=475900 
It was short, you really should have described what you did when you played with yourself. It is a porn story site after all.
It was short, you really should have described what you did when you played with yourself. It is a porn story site after all.
Trudy_Antone
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2009
- Posts
- 278
I have to echo emap re: the masturbation. Don't tell us about it, or the cunnilingus, SHOW US. There are a few issues with tenses too, past and present, as well as punctuation errors and missing words.
I looked for a cute turtleneck that matched and looked in the mirror and thought, "Damn I am a hot school girl again. I definitely think I'm going to turn a few heads" and giggled to myself a bit. The doorbell rang and I answered it to see my girlfriend in a police outfit saying:
"You're under arrest for indecent exposure" saying pulling up my skirt exposing my shaved pussy and giggling. I pull my skirt back down and invite her inside. You mind if I steal some clothing. I am going to pass walking around in this outfit in the mall." She strips, exposing the fact that she was without undergarments as well. "I'll borrow a thong and bra since I know you won't be using them anyways," she says with a good laugh and a very cute wink. "Good selection the turtleneck with that skirt. That was the skirt from catholic school days right? It was probably longer on you back then," she says laughing again as it does cover little to nothing and she gives my exposed, plump butt a good slap. "But seriously it's a very windy day, love. You sure you're going to be alright? We can do this a different time."
This sentence: So I woke up that morning very horny and decided to masturbate a few times. I would class as passive writing. Everyone decides to do something, that is implicit in the action. So maybe... When I woke up, I was so horny. I needed to masturbate. Or... When I woke the next morning, thoughts of the coming dare brought my hands to my breasts, my fingers teasing my nipples... Not perfect, but hopefully you get what I mean.
There are some fabulous sites on the web where you can read about passive writing versus active writing. Show don't tell. Tenses. Punctuation, etc. Mistress Lynn posted some fabulous links but I can't remember where
I'm just a hack but I'd say, proof read over and over, find a good editor, and never give up. Good luck with your writing!
I looked for a cute turtleneck that matched and looked in the mirror and thought, "Damn I am a hot school girl again. I definitely think I'm going to turn a few heads" and giggled to myself a bit. The doorbell rang and I answered it to see my girlfriend in a police outfit saying:
"You're under arrest for indecent exposure" saying pulling up my skirt exposing my shaved pussy and giggling. I pull my skirt back down and invite her inside. You mind if I steal some clothing. I am going to pass walking around in this outfit in the mall." She strips, exposing the fact that she was without undergarments as well. "I'll borrow a thong and bra since I know you won't be using them anyways," she says with a good laugh and a very cute wink. "Good selection the turtleneck with that skirt. That was the skirt from catholic school days right? It was probably longer on you back then," she says laughing again as it does cover little to nothing and she gives my exposed, plump butt a good slap. "But seriously it's a very windy day, love. You sure you're going to be alright? We can do this a different time."
This sentence: So I woke up that morning very horny and decided to masturbate a few times. I would class as passive writing. Everyone decides to do something, that is implicit in the action. So maybe... When I woke up, I was so horny. I needed to masturbate. Or... When I woke the next morning, thoughts of the coming dare brought my hands to my breasts, my fingers teasing my nipples... Not perfect, but hopefully you get what I mean.
There are some fabulous sites on the web where you can read about passive writing versus active writing. Show don't tell. Tenses. Punctuation, etc. Mistress Lynn posted some fabulous links but I can't remember where
I'm just a hack but I'd say, proof read over and over, find a good editor, and never give up. Good luck with your writing!
