My Story ... Please coment ... suggestions are appreciated

[callalilly14]

To read my story please click the link below, it will take you directly to the story in my diary. Thank you for your time and suggestions.

Callalilly14

To my story........click here

 

[Jenny _S]

To read my story please click the link below, it will take you directly to the story in my diary. Thank you for your time and suggestions.

Callalilly14

To my story........click here

Are we critiquing stories on other sites now?

 

[niyah2]

comments

Smiles,

I enjoyed your story though it was a little hard to follow so I offer these guidelines.

1. your paragraph structure needs work. It is almost like reading a run on sentence because there are no paragraphs.

2. Puncuation and miss spelled words is another. There are quite a few words misused or mispelled. So re read it and check through for those.

3. Your adjective useage could improve. You use alot of strongs, and softs and etc.

4. Your use of the same word in three sentences i.e. describing the belly button and what you were doing to it. Try rewriting that area to not be so repetitive.

5. Read the section in the writer's help here about speech in a story. This will help you alot when you wish your characters to talk.

Again I did enjoy the story but those are the things I can say were needing help right off the bat.

 

[hiddenself]

Critique: this is not a Lit story.

 

[Pure]

I think the critique (by HS) has less merit, now that I've looked at the site.

It's a place for online journalling, diary etc. It's not a porn or erotica stories site.

Pages from an online journal should be as acceptable as pages from a real journal. Many authors keep journals with jotting, rough efforts, etc.

Calla where do you plan to post, outside of your 'online journal.'?

best,

J.

 

[KenJames]

Sorry, your story is unreadable. I don't mean the content. The typeface, point size, text color and background make it impossible for me to read.

I think you should take the text and post it directly on Literotica.