my stories

[jillbird]

hello. this may sound sad but i want people to read my stories. please tell me what you think of them.
also, why does my photo not appear on my profile? Jill Bird.

 

[Pure]

It's best to post a link. Here's one to ch 1 of the bdsm story, the auction.

http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=62427

It's very well written and pretty hot! I'd recommend it to those who like 'down and dirty' or 'gritty' accounts of punishment/degradation. You've quite the imagination. Good work. My main comment would be that sometimes things (events) seem contrived, and sometimes the pornographic intent is too obviously executed--i.e., the old crotch grab.

Note: this story is not very recent. People are more inclined to review more recent stuff, but maybe this will encourage you to post it!

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I read The Auction, the one Pure put up the link to. It's well done, but it starts out pretty slowly. There's a lot of background that you put in, and I don't know if all of it's necessary. the story is, after all is said and done, a fantasy, and sometimes you can spend too much time trying to justify a fantasy. Sometimes it's better to just get on with it and not try and explain and rationalize.

You write well, but it's a little too sadistic for me, so I'm not going to talk about content. I like BDSM, but I don't like the humiliation that some authors often include with it. It's a personal thing, I guess.

One thing that did bother me was the the way you broke up the story into parts. It probably was necessary at the start, when you had scenes separated from one another by space and time, but once they were in the club it didn't make sense to separate what she was doing on stage from his reaction to it, and it was kind of distracting.

---dr.M.

 

[Guest]

the story is, after all is said and done, a fantasy, and sometimes you can spend too much time trying to justify a fantasy. Sometimes it's better to just get on with it and not try and explain and rationalize.

and yet I am accused of this by KM and others. I said in my story thread that the author is not obligated to hold the readers hand and guide them through. Is this wrong?

 

[dr_mabeuse]

and yet I am accused of this by KM and others. I said in my story thread that the author is not obligated to hold the readers hand and guide them through. Is this wrong?

I hate to hijack the thread, but since I was the one who made the comment that Scott's sex-on-the-beach story was hard to believe, I would like to expand on it.

I think that most people reading jillbird's story would admit that the existence of a club where men bring their wives to be auctioned off and sexually used on a stage is a fantasy, so there's no point in spending a lot of effort in convincing us that it's real or even plausible. Most readers would probably be willing to undertake a "willing suspension of disbelief" for the duration of the story. The world she presents is not the world as we know it, but we'll let that slide for the sake of the story.

In the sex-on-the-beach story we're presented with a man who recently lost his son. He comes across a woman he's been carrying a torch for, and after a word or two they start going at it sexually. This struck me as not only unlikely, but implausible. From what I know of grief and sexual desire, I just can't see this happening. Not without some explanation of how the man's lust overcomes his grief.

The loss of a child is one of the most tragic and devastating things that can befall a person; worse than even losing a spouse. Maybe you have to be a parent to know this, I don't know, but it's truly devastating. So when you tell us that this guy lost his son recently, it dwarfs everything else in the story, and I have to assume that the rest of the story is going to be about how he copes with his grief. Else, why mention this at all?

But that doesn't happen. Instead, after a word or two they start groping each other on the beach and within minutes she's going down on the guy. Is this supposed to be a sympathy fuck? It seems like it, and for me at least, that just doesn't compute.

An author doesn't have to explain everything, but things have to be plausible: they have to be believable, or else the author has to explain things in such a way that they make sense. For me, the existence of a wife-swapping club is more acceptable than the idea of a grief-stricken man engaging in casual sex.

---dr.M.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I haven't read the story yet, but your picture won't appear until you have reached a certain number of posts

-Colly

 

[damppanties]

a certain number of posts

100, to be exact.

 

[Pure]

ain't it frustrating when people plead hard for comments, then seemingly disappear?

 

[hiddenself]

One of the reasons why I do not give feedback on the board to people who don't have at least a couple of dozen posts under their belt.