My Sister the Slave Girl discussion thread

[Visceral_Dreamer]

I posted the first chapter to my series "My Sister the Slave Girl" a few weeks ago, and chapter 3 a few days ago. Overall the series has been received well, it's highly rated and seems to have some loyal readers.

Link to chapter 1: https://literotica.com/s/my-sister-the-slave-girl-ch-01

The latest chapter has been a little more polarizing in how it's being received, with some readers loving it and others feeling that it was a little too similar to chapter 2 and didn't see much progression story wise. I think that's a fair criticism, but I'm not sure what sort of character progression people are looking to find in this story. It's posted in non-consent/reluctance with the cuckold tag for a reason.

If you think the characters should change and respond more to the new situation, I agree and plan to work some of that into the later chapters. I'm still not sure exactly to what extent that can happen, since this isn't meant to be a super-in depth or character development heavy story. I'm open to suggestions though.

If you think the brother character should stand up to the roommate and "reclaim" his sister, or else get back at him somehow...I'm sorry but this just isn't that kind of story.

Whatever your opinions on the direction of the story, positive or negative, I'm happy to read your thoughts and suggestions and take them into consideration. But ultimately it's my discretion what I choose to include and what happens to these characters.

 

[TheRedChamber]

I think the story is well-recieved for a reason. The basic set-up of cuckold brother works and a lot of the sex writing is hot and effectively prods the humiliation fetish well.

I do agree that the third chapter was very similar to the second one. Perhaps the fundamental part of that chapter was the penis humiliation and that could have been the focus rather than them having oral again and another position.

I think part of the issue is that you have two very passive characters and an asshole and we haven't had much 'down-time' with the characters. Chapter one didn't have a lot of dialogue so we haven't seen have the MC and Eric normally communicate or how the MC and his sister usually communicate. Presumably this is going to change. The MC and Clara having a chat without Eric present could help to develope the relationship in the readers mind. Presumably she will become even more dismissive of him of her own accord? Similarly a scene with Eric and the MC without Clara could show how their friendship is changing.

At the moment, it's not clear where the end of the story is if it's not a 'reclaim' story - (which is fine if that's not what you want to do) - you can keep escalating with Clara and Eric doing increasingly extreme sex acts, but that will get boring eventually however well it's written. At the moment, everyone seems largely happy with the status quo, MC's misgivings aside. You could potentially have Eric go too far, have the MC swing at him and then have Eric clean his clock, putting him in an even more vulnerable position. Alternatively, you could have the MC try to force himself on his sister only to have Eric interrupt and beat the crap out of him. Maybe just have Clara hit Eric when he goes too far and have her save herself - making the MC feel even more pathetic.

 

[Visceral_Dreamer]

Hey thanks for the response!

Chapter 3 was intended to go beyond the initial 24 hour period it covered, into the next few days, but I ended up writing so much about the events of that day that I decided to just post it as its own chapter. I can see how it reads similar to chapter 2, though I feel that Clara's progressive acceptance of her treatment by Eric throughout the day is important. At the end of the day, I think it's hard to write an effective sex scene without reusing a lot of the same words and phrases. The positions can change, but it's still the same vocabulary on the page. I've intentionally tried to stay away from too much "smut" dialogue and keep the tone pretty consistent, which limited the way I could describe things even more.

In hindsight chapter 1 would have benefitted from more dialogue before the sexual events, but I was worried I might lose the audience if it didn't progress fast enough. I might go back and re-write the early part of the chapter to add some scenes between the MC and Clara to give the corruption a bit more weight. For now though I'll just write more chapters.

I would like to progress the characters and their relationships a bit to keep reader interest and make the story more dynamic. I'll take your suggestions about conversations outside of sex and down-time. I guess since this is the first story I've ever shared here I wasn't sure what balance of sex to story people would want. Maybe I over did the sex in chapter 3, but I enjoyed writing it and it seems like a lot of people enjoyed reading it. Chapter 4 will focus on down time and the emotional progression of Clara and the MC as they face their new situations. There will definitely be more sex-heavy chapters though.

I don't want to give away the ultimate conclusion of the story, but I do want to say that the people looking at it as a heroic redemption for the brother aren't really approaching it the right way. Eric isn't the antagonist, although what he's doing would objectively be awful in the real world. I put cuckold tags on the chapters because that's what this is in essence, a story about a "winner" and a "loser" and the sister as the object of desire between them. Clara admittedly doesn't get much agency in the plot, but I do want to explore her a little more and flesh her out. In the end though, the people who want to see Nathan fight Eric and "save" Clara are reading the wrong story. I knew when I posted chapter 1 that the premise would appeal to a niche audience and some people would not like it at all. I'm actually surprised by how many folks do like it.

Chapter 4 might take a while to get up, I have other stuff going on now.