My series about a game-show for slut-wives is getting some v. positive reviews and...

[KingFlow]

My series about a game-show for slut-wives

I would love if you'd give it a read, if that sort of thing is of interest to you. I would be happy to hear what you think.

It begins here:
https://www.literotica.com/s/the-hotwife-games-ch-01

Thank you!

(Further chapters -
https://www.literotica.com/s/the-hotwife-games-ch-02
https://www.literotica.com/s/the-hotwife-games-ch-03
https://www.literotica.com/s/the-hotwife-games-ch-04
)

 

[Jada59]

... I would love if you'd give it a read, if that sort of thing is of interest to you. I would be happy to hear what you think.

It begins here:
https://www.literotica.com/s/the-hotwife-games-ch-01

Thank you!

I will admit that genre isn't my thing but that story did nothing for me. Wasn't even slightly arousing.

 

[KingFlow]

I will admit that genre isn't my thing but that story did nothing for me. Wasn't even slightly arousing.

Thanks anyway for reading, and for your feedback!

 

[SimonDoom]

I've just read Chapter 1 so far. My thoughts:

1. I DO like these stories -- the combination of hotwife and exhibitionism is one I like a lot. I think you have a great concept -- the hot wife game show. It's titillating.

2. Your writing is good. Vocabulary, word choice, punctuation, spelling -- it looks like the story has been well edited, and that makes it flow well. You know how to write dialogue, and you know how to do it in a playful and skillful way, such as the passage near the end of the chapter where you describe overlapping bits of dialogue with Jessica and Rakesh and his wife. That's done very well. There are some little technical things I'd change around, some words I'd replace, but they're pretty minor and they're not even worth bringing up.

3. Interesting choice to tell it from the husband's POV. If I wrote the story I'd probably be more likely to tell it from the wife's POV, but this POV works. It's a voyeuristic story, as opposed to a story about the wife's exhibitionism. And by telling it this way, you add an air of mystery and surprise, because the husband doesn't really know what his wife (whom he describes, intriguingly, as "innocent") is going to do next. I like the way you describe something that happens between Diana and the host that the husband doesn't actually see. You know he's in for a wild ride as an observer, but he doesn't know what's to come and he's surprised at what his wife is doing already.

4. The big, 64-dollar question going through my mind during the whole story is "How in the world did this seemingly nice couple end up doing this in front of millions of people?" Because that's obviously a huge step. I don't know whether you get to that later in a flashback. But when you write a hot wife story that concerns an "innocent" wife's transition to being a brazen, exhibitionist slut, the issue of that transformation looms over the story. So I'm curious whether you address it. I don't think it's absence is a flaw in your first chapter, because the chapter moves along quickly and holds interest.

5. You've definitely captured my interest. By the end of the story I'm curious to see what happens next. I'm rooting for both the husband and the wife.

6. A piece of advice, perhaps for the future since you've already started publishing multiple chapters: You might consider submitting longer chapters. Chapters of about 10,000 or more words tend to get higher scores. Plus, this is mostly a tease chapter. Nothing truly explicit or sexual happens yet. So some greedy readers looking for stroke material may be a bit let down. When I write multi-chapter series I try to make sure that the chapter is long enough to contain a satisfying amount of whatever it is that the reader will be looking for. If you lengthened the chapter then you might be able to cover more sexy ground, making it a more satisfying read for some readers.

7. Another piece of advice: This story could just as well have been submitted in the Exhibitionist and Voyeur category. It might have received fewer views, but it CERTAINLY would have a higher score. I'll bet it easily would have a score over 4.5. You may or may not care about that, but it's something to consider.

You definitely can write, and you have a feel for story-telling and for how to tease and play with the reader. I strongly encourage you to keep up your writing.

 

[KingFlow]

Thank you so very, very much for the thorough and thoughtful notes, SimonDoom! I deeply appreciate the time you took to both read the chapter, and write such a well-articulated critique.

Some really good stuff to chew over.

 

[Soma99]

Read the first two and yes- even if the topic isn't your cup of tea it's obvious your a solid writer and storyteller.

Not sure I'll go back for the rest but I will check out your other stories (if there are any I haven't looked yet.).

EDIT: here are your only stories- If I saw other ones I would check them out.

 

[Shoukoushi]

I'm normally not into hotwife and cuckold, but I love sex game-show stories. Scratches that itch