My roommate shot himself

[cloud_leopard]

I just moved to Charlotte two days ago, renting a room from a family. This afternoon, the dad, who is a security guard, shot himself while cleaning his gun. Went through his hand and his leg. Blood was everywhere, kids were screaming. I grabbed the kids and ran upstairs with them while the mom called 911.

She's at the hospital now, I'm watching the kids, and seriously considering finding a new place to live at the end of the month, since I already paid for this month. I'm not actually freaking out that much. I didn't even freak out when I ran downstairs after I heard the shot. Delayed reaction? I don't know. You would think that when someone in your house gets shot that should mean something. I guess I'm not even sensitive to blood. The fact that I didn't have a real response bothers me more than the actual situation.

I felt like I needed to get this out somewhere. Thanks for reading my bit about today.

 

[jockdom]

I just moved to Charlotte two days ago, renting a room from a family. This afternoon, the dad, who is a security guard, shot himself while cleaning his gun. Went through his hand and his leg. Blood was everywhere, kids were screaming. I grabbed the kids and ran upstairs with them while the mom called 911.

She's at the hospital now, I'm watching the kids, and seriously considering finding a new place to live at the end of the month, since I already paid for this month. I'm not actually freaking out that much. I didn't even freak out when I ran downstairs after I heard the shot. Delayed reaction? I don't know. You would think that when someone in your house gets shot that should mean something. I guess I'm not even sensitive to blood. The fact that I didn't have a real response bothers me more than the actual situation.

I felt like I needed to get this out somewhere. Thanks for reading my bit about today.

Mental!
I once many moons ago had a guy with a chainsaw at the door looking for my flatmate who owned him cash.

 

[cloud_leopard]

Well, it was an accident. She swears he is always really careful with his gun, but it is kind of scary to me to be living with someone who even has a gun. They are really lucky it wasn't one of the kids who was accidentally shot.

 

[Netzach]

I guess I'm not even sensitive to blood. The fact that I didn't have a real response bothers me more than the actual situation.

Be easy on yourself. You were there for the kids and there's no "right reaction" to this one. Stuff may or may not float upward later.

 

[cloud_leopard]

Be easy on yourself. You were there for the kids and there's no "right reaction" to this one. Stuff may or may not float upward later.

This is true. I guess though that I have been concerned about my lack of emotional response for a while now. It's not the first time I've encountered something that should be emotional and is simply not for me. It's been months like this and this situation contained so many stimuli, my thought after was maybe I should have felt something. But I didn't. The last non-response in a long line of non-responses.

But you are right. Something may come up later.

 

[sutherngent985]

Could be you are just one of those people who get calmer rather than freak under extremely stressful conditions. Most soldiers can tell of a fellow soldier who, when the bullets were flying, they were able to calmly take charge when everyone else was going nuts.

If you dont mind going into it, what were the other situations you had a non or delayed response?

 

[cloud_leopard]

I don't know if I'm one of those calm-under-stress kind of people. I've never been in that kind of situation before.

As for other things, it's more that I can tell my emotions are feeling turned off. For months I haven't felt angry, or upset or sad or especially happy. Neutral is how I would describe myself. And that's not really like me. I've had family stuff going on and haven't really been emotionally invested. I don't know. Maybe one day I'll explode with emotional responses and have a break down or something.

 

[DVS]

I just moved to Charlotte two days ago, renting a room from a family. This afternoon, the dad, who is a security guard, shot himself while cleaning his gun. Went through his hand and his leg. Blood was everywhere, kids were screaming. I grabbed the kids and ran upstairs with them while the mom called 911.

She's at the hospital now, I'm watching the kids, and seriously considering finding a new place to live at the end of the month, since I already paid for this month. I'm not actually freaking out that much. I didn't even freak out when I ran downstairs after I heard the shot. Delayed reaction? I don't know. You would think that when someone in your house gets shot that should mean something. I guess I'm not even sensitive to blood. The fact that I didn't have a real response bothers me more than the actual situation.

I felt like I needed to get this out somewhere. Thanks for reading my bit about today.

Well, like others have said, some people are just calm under stress. I tend to be one of those people...on the outside. I can control my emotions so others don't go crazy. You might be just someone who knows what to do in those certain moments.

Yes, something might come up when you least expect it to, and you should be ready for that. The strongest people can still have reactive emotions, long after the situation has calmed down. This is not uncommon. But, it won't give you much warning, so try and stay loose, so to speak.

My question would be why was this guy cleaning a loaded gun? That's the first rule of cleaning guns...make sure it's not loaded. With kids in the house, I think that would be the first thing I'd do, or clean the thing out in the garage, or somewhere other than where the kids are.

When I was in high school, I went over to a friend's house one afternoon. I quickly noticed a rather large hole in the kitchen wall, and I could see through that hole at what used to be a leather covered easy chair.

Yes, the story was similar...the father had been sitting in a kitchen chair, cleaning a shotgun in this case, and it went off, blowing that hole into the wall and blasting that chair to ribbons. The worst of the story was one of his daughters had been in that chair just a short time before that gun went off. She was watching TV.

She was stressed when she saw what happened to the chair, and the father was stress even more, knowing he could have killed his daughter. But, nothing bad happened, that day. And, I think he learned to make sure the gun wasn't loaded from that point on, when he decided to clean it.

I hope the dad in your story also has learned something. It's a simple thing, really, but we hear about this kind of thing happening more than we should. Check the fucking gun to make sure it's unloaded before you mess with it. Lucky, he only shot himself. And while he heals, he will have something to think about.

I wouldn't be that concerned about someone having a gun in the house, as long as they are safe with it. I think this guy will be very safe with his gun from now on. I'd think shooting yourself is a learning thing, really.

Although I'm assuming it wasn't life threatening, his hand could be damaged, depending on the caliber and the position of the shot. And his leg has several large arteries that might have caused him lose a lot of blood, even to the point of threatening his life. He's probably lucky he wasn't alone.

How is the wife taking all of this? Do you know, yet? I'll bet she will be nice to him for a few days, then let him have it for being so stupid. He might be very safe while handling his gun, but it only takes one time of not taking every precaution. You can never cut corners when dealing with a gun.

From your story, it seems this just happened today. You did the right thing by taking the kids away from the scene. I'll bet they are still traumatized over seeing dad bleeding everywhere. Someone should talk to them to make sure they understand what happened, and that their dad is OK.

 

[cloud_leopard]

It did happen today, about 3:30, 3:45.

The police are going to arrange for someone to come and talk to the kids. I think the mom is ok for the moment. No choice, really on her part.

I don't know the first thing about guns, but it seems to me that he can't really be all that careful if his gun could be discharged in the house. I'm sure it has a safety on it.

I'll be on the lookout for the emotions.

 

[cherokee_dove]

You sound like what is known in the squad terms as a "first responder".

Your emotions shut down during the emergency, while your body and brain do is what is needed for all those involved; to make sure all are safe.

The emotions are let go once you know the situation is well under control, and not by you. When someone else has taken over all responsibilities of the situation.

That is a good thing. You got the kids out of harms way, and so they wouldn't freak by seeing their dad in the condition he was in, with all the blood. That sight, for a child; can be life altering. So you did good there.

Your emotional side now knows that the emergency rush is over, and your emotions are just now coming back into normal mode. Thats when all the thoughts of "what if" and "OMG" take place.

Find yourself a calm spot, and relax. Whether its with a cup of tea, water, yoga, a walk in the woods...whatever. Just to let your emotions calm themselves.

My only question is if the father was a security guard and owned a gun, why did he not check the chamber for bullets before starting to clean it? That is part of Gun Training 101 around here.

 

[DVS]

Mental!
I once many moons ago had a guy with a chainsaw at the door looking for my flatmate who owned him cash.

Don't tell me...I bet the guy was an ex-con and not allowed to own a gun. I hope it was a large sum of cash he was owed.

 

[cloud_leopard]

You sound like what is known in the squad terms as a "first responder".

Your emotions shut down during the emergency, while your body and brain do is what is needed for all those involved; to make sure all are safe.

The emotions are let go once you know the situation is well under control, and not by you. When someone else has taken over all responsibilities of the situation.

That is a good thing. You got the kids out of harms way, and so they wouldn't freak by seeing their dad in the condition he was in, with all the blood. That sight, for a child; can be life altering. So you did good there.

Your emotional side now knows that the emergency rush is over, and your emotions are just now coming back into normal mode. Thats when all the thoughts of "what if" and "OMG" take place.

Find yourself a calm spot, and relax. Whether its with a cup of tea, water, yoga, a walk in the woods...whatever. Just to let your emotions calm themselves.

My only question is if the father was a security guard and owned a gun, why did he not check the chamber for bullets before starting to clean it? That is part of Gun Training 101 around here.

I would love to go out somewhere and chill. But I'm stuck here. No car, new to the city, and watching the kids for the mom.

I have no idea why there were bullets in the gun. He wasn't really in any condition to talk, passing out on the floor. I imagine I'll get the whole story this evening sometime when the mom gets home.

 

[cherokee_dove]

I would love to go out somewhere and chill. But I'm stuck here. No car, new to the city, and watching the kids for the mom.

I have no idea why there were bullets in the gun. He wasn't really in any condition to talk, passing out on the floor. I imagine I'll get the whole story this evening sometime when the mom gets home.

Leopard, if nothing else; and theres a park nearby, leave a note for the mom and take the kids to the park. Let them play and work off some of their worries, while you relax yours away. Or just take them on a walk around the backyard.

But anyhow you do it...(((Hugs))) are in order, you need and deserve them.

 

[bridgeburner]

I don't know if I'm one of those calm-under-stress kind of people. I've never been in that kind of situation before.

As for other things, it's more that I can tell my emotions are feeling turned off. For months I haven't felt angry, or upset or sad or especially happy. Neutral is how I would describe myself. And that's not really like me. I've had family stuff going on and haven't really been emotionally invested. I don't know. Maybe one day I'll explode with emotional responses and have a break down or something.

Extreme apathy may be a sign of depression or it could just be your psyche's response to an overload of stimuli ---- to protect you from hurt and anger your emotions tamp way down until you have time to process all the information and decide how you want to feel about things.

A move --- especially to a new city --- is a pretty stressful event. If you've been dealing with an abundance of stressors I wouldn't be surprised if you're responding to it by becoming more and more detached. It's the sort of thing that might go away by itself as your life calms down, but it might also worsen if external factors don't improve.

If it continues and you remain concerned it wouldn't hurt to talk to a mental health professional, but if you go that route, try and get a referral from someone whose advice you trust.

 

[Homburg]

I was taken to the range for the first time at four years of age, and fired a gun the first time as a five year old. I've had gun safety drilled into me from before both those ages. So I'm not too awful sympathetic towards someone who has a "gun went off while cleaning it" accident. That is usually code for "I was playing with my loaded dick extension and did something stupid with it".

That said, accidents do actually happen. My dad, who happens to be the fellow that drilled gun safety into me, and is a 24 year Army vet who has done tours in shooting wars, shot himself in the leg. He was unloading a gun, and went through the proper procedures. Almost. He pulled the mag, racked the slide to eject a round, and no round came out. So he pulled the trigger to drop the hammer on what he assumed was an empty chamber. Nope.

The rim pulled off the casing of the cheap-ass Chinese ammo he'd loaded the piece with, and the round stayed in place. It is actually very reasonable to make that sort of mistake. Very few people check the barrel to see if a round is still there after racking the slide. ammo failures like that are EXTREMELY uncommon.

He compounded the mistake though. He pulled the trigger while the gun was in his lap. He was driving, and heading onto base, and didn't want a loaded gun in the car when gate security was doing serious security checks. He wasn't likely to get stopped for those with the stickers on his car, but it could happen.

Bang, one round through his left thigh and out the car door. Somehow, the gate cops did not hear the discharge as he drove up, and didn't notice the bullet hole in the door (yay for competent security guarding military bases eh?). My buddy M was with my dad, and both had the same reaction. "Well, shit, I didn't expect that. M took his shirt off and had my dad wrap it and his belt around the leg as a bandage. My dad held the bandage on his leg and drove the car. He chatted smiling with the security guard while his leg bled. No sweat, even joking with the guy. M, in his undershirt, just looked bored. Seconds earlier, a gun went off in the car, and they were both fine.

That's just how some people are. I've had the same sort of reaction under different, though equally trying, circumstances. As Dove said, some people are just wired to be first responders. Hell, I remember being totally calm and nonchalant when my youngest daughter pitched off the side of the couch and landed face first on something sharp, ripping a very bloody hole in her forehead and causing her to shriek. Most people freak when their baby gets hurt. Nope, totally calm, and my calm kept everyone else calm too. viv handled it the same way, and we just mobilised the kids into action and got Youngest Daughter to the ER.

Don't beat yourself up for doing the smart thing in a trying circumstance. And don't feel too bad about not knowing how to feel afterwards. Not everyone gets to see the bloody aftermath of bullet trauma. And it's your first (and hopefully last) time. You should expect to react a bit unpredictably.

 

[TerribleChester]

What the fuck is he doing cleaning a loaded weapon in the first place?

Your lack of emotional response is a strength that will help you to survive where others would panic and die.

 

[Essene]

I don't know if I'm one of those calm-under-stress kind of people. I've never been in that kind of situation before.

As for other things, it's more that I can tell my emotions are feeling turned off. For months I haven't felt angry, or upset or sad or especially happy. Neutral is how I would describe myself. And that's not really like me. I've had family stuff going on and haven't really been emotionally invested. I don't know. Maybe one day I'll explode with emotional responses and have a break down or something.

Any past trauma or history etc? Like others said, changing jobs, school, location are all extremely stressful things. Bridgeburner gave what I would consider to be good advice. *nods*

I'm so sorry to hear that this happened. Seems like you did everything and anything you could.

I think finding a new place to live if you're uncomfortable there is a really good idea.

Best of luck.

 

[YourCaptor]

I was expecting something way worse.

What’s the prognosis, did he hit anything important?

Don’t worry about your reaction, the human mind click over when its in action, it’s a survival mechanism. You went fight instead of flight, nothing wrong with that.

I would say don’t make too much of it or it may develop into something. Know you're fine, its all natural to you even if you don't see it in others.

What you may want to think of is the housing. If you want to live under the same roof with a guy that misfires. They will be needing money, so staying would probably be good for them, on the other hand prices may go up.

Hope you'll be alright.

 

[FurryFury]

Honestly, there are too many yahoos out there with guns that "know how to be safe and are always safe" until someone gets hurt.

Years ago a good friend of mine got shot while with her bf. They both blamed it on her. I thought it was crap. I knew who the gun nut was. I knew who should have been making sure safety was followed. Ever after that, I was alert.

If they came over, I asked them if they had a gun (they always did) I made them take it back to their car before entering the house. I had small kids. I didn't trust their judgment.

Which leads me to this . . . I would move. I wouldn't feel safe.

Now that's not to say I don't enjoy guns. I do. I'm also aware that there are a lot of people that can handle them safely. I don't want to rely on people who've had even one accident for MY safety though.

 

[ivantheterrible]

BWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how in the fucking hell do you shoot yourself through the hand and leg while cleaning the fucking gun????? W T F????????????????????????????????
i was in the army for fucking 8 years, and you always check to see if it is unloaded. but think of this, the angle dude. hand and leg? come on. your dumb fuck friend shot himself by accident while fucking off.

 

[jockdom]

Don't tell me...I bet the guy was an ex-con and not allowed to own a gun. I hope it was a large sum of cash he was owed.

Nah fellow forestry worker who had been owed money for many months.
I'ts not easy getting a gun over here. Unless you are a farmer, then youre allowed a shotgun for vermin control.

 

[Betticus]

I've been shooting since I was four and also had the gun safety drilled in forever. Father was on the Army marksmanship team way back in the late fifties/early sixties. I was also Army and once again, basic firearm safety there too.

Unfortunately I did once have an accidental discharge with a rifle while unloading it for cleaning. Mine was a component failure on an antique gun that let the trigger release but fortunately I never point a gun at something that I'd want to keep in one piece so the round went into the floor. So yeah, an accident with a gun can happen to anyone, even the experts have accidents.

You can bet that this guy will never make this mistake again. Even unloaded guns to my mind are always loaded as too many times I've checked an "unloaded" weapon to find a round chambered, safety off and ready to fire.

Being nervous around guns isn't necessarily a bad thing but being too nervous might be. One sure way to help control that is to take a firearm safety course and have a competent instructor at a firing range teach you how to shoot. Even if you don't like guns at all you will learn how to unload and safe a weapon, check it to see if it's loaded, etc... Dummy rounds could be used for that if you absolutely don't want to handle the live stuff.

As for your reaction. In emergency situations I do the same thing and I used to worry about it but found that overthinking it didn't help. I usually end up being the first aid guy when someone gets hurt or handling the crowd if a medic is there. It's not a bad thing and allows you to think logically and to react correctly in high stress situations.

 

[graceanne]

Wow. Sounds like you responded well under pressure.

As to moving, I'd wait until you have all the details before you make a decision like that. But one of those details you'll want to know is what safety precautions (gun cabinet, etc) he takes with his guns. As you said, there's kids.

K has a gun he uses for hunting. The bullets are kept in the tool box, the gun in the closet (in a gun case that's locked) and the FIRING pin in our fireproof lock box. Even social services doesn't have a problem with that (and they asked the last time a neighbor called them on my son).

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Well, it was an accident. She swears he is always really careful with his gun, but it is kind of scary to me to be living with someone who even has a gun. They are really lucky it wasn't one of the kids who was accidentally shot.

My ex has a gun. I still dont understand how could someone give him papers to own one! lol

And yes I was scared of it too. Cuz of my kids the most, but also when we were arguing.

 

[cloud_leopard]

Thanks everyone for your support. I do tend to over think things.

I was asleep last night when the mom came home. I'm not sure if he came with or not. Last time I spoke with them, he was waiting to see if he needed surgery. If he did, then he was going to have to stay overnight, if not then they were probably going to send him home last night.

He explained to me what happened, but I don't remember most of the explanation, probably because I know nothing about guns, so the words kind of went in one ear and out of the other. Something about he had cleaned it and put it back together, then remembered he had forgotten to clean something inside and then something about the magazine and accidentally getting the trigger instead...

Anyway, I'm going to not dwell on this. If something hits me later, I will deal with it then. I really, really apreciate your responses and reassurance that my response was not totally out there and bizarre.