My Ramblings: I'm numb..

[freakygirl]

Not physically numb but mentally numb.

I've been trying to read the boards for almost an hour and nothing is making any sense..

I took a shower, I've tried reading a book and I've thought about going to bed but its to early.

I feel like I'm wandering around lost..I feel frustrated. I've felt that way almost all day. I was with *extended* family most of the day.. and while I did laugh a little.. my heart is still real heavy.

Life changes so god damn fast. I hate it. I hate that my mother is growing older and more fragile. I hate that my oldest son is just about to get his drivers license. I hate that in February my older daughter will be 14 years old. I hate the fact that my youngest son is taller than me! I hate that my youngest daughter is growing more independent!

I want to go throw rocks in the river.. I want to go to the beach in a four wheel drive vehicle and get fucking nuts.. throw caution to the wind. I hate feeling like I have no fucking control!

I'm full of hatred tonight. I hate feeling that.. I hate the word hate.


I HATE....!

 

[His_kitty]

Oh babe, you pretty much said what I'm feeling.

 

[Trail48]

Not physically numb but mentally numb.

I've been trying to read the boards for almost an hour and nothing is making any sense..

I took a shower, I've tried reading a book and I've thought about going to bed but its to early.

I feel like I'm wandering around lost..I feel frustrated. I've felt that way almost all day. I was with *extended* family most of the day.. and while I did laugh a little.. my heart is still real heavy.

Life changes so god damn fast. I hate it. I hate that my mother is growing older and more fragile. I hate that my oldest son is just about to get his drivers license. I hate that in February my older daughter will be 14 years old. I hate the fact that my youngest son is taller than me! I hate that my youngest daughter is growing more independent!

I want to go throw rocks in the river.. I want to go to the beach in a four wheel drive vehicle and get fucking nuts.. throw caution to the wind. I hate feeling like I have no fucking control!

I'm full of hatred tonight. I hate feeling that.. I hate the word hate.


I HATE....!

What.......you think you're the only one?

Of course it sucks, thats the place you're in right now, you and a lot of others

Watch the kids at breakfast tommorrow......it will make you smile at how much they need you

Watch your youngest sleep, you are her peace

You feel out of control, but it's only a feeling. That won't change the facts.

Fact is you're the center of a small universe......you rule.....

 

[freakygirl]

More ramblings..

Remembering sucks!
I don't want to remember her.. I want to open emails (even the goofy joke ones that I've read a million times) from her. I wanted to sit by her at baseball games.. I wanted to continue to joke about her horrible cooking.

Death sucks!

 

[freakygirl]

Re: Re: My Ramblings: I'm numb..

Watch the kids at breakfast tommorrow......it will make you smile at how much they need you
Only the youngest lives with me.. I gave the other three to their dad 8 years ago..

Watch your youngest sleep, you are her peace
That's true.. I do have that to hold on to.

Fact is you're the center of a small universe......you rule.....

Thank you.

 

[seXieleXie]

fg, don't be afraid to get mad. don't let anyone guilt or shame you into smothering how you feel. it's okay to feel a sense of loss as your children grow up, that doesn't make you a bad person.

your feelings are your own and they are completely legitimate. give yourself some time and space to feel them, then go ahead and work through them. but don't force yourself to move on when you're not ready.

 

[Lancecastor]

Re: More ramblings..

Death sucks!

I buried my father a year ago today.

But my son was Player of The Game tonite.

He'd have liked that.

 

[freakygirl]

I'm dealing with the death of my brother and father 6 years ago.. This time of the year is not easy for me at all..

And today.. I attended the funeral of my mother in law (my ex mother in law actually).

It's not going to be a good Christmas at all..


seXieleXie-Thank you for your words.


Lancecastor-I'm sorry to hear about your father..

 

[Raina]

Everything I want to say sounds so lame.

So I'll just tell you that I'm sorry you're hurting.

 

[Guest]

Ditto for me.

I wish I could so something to help, FG.

 

[RegisteredTroll]

Get off the self pity wagon, there are people out there a lot worse off than you are.