My Poetry NEW and OLD comments/Criticisms/Feedback Wanted

[DevilOrAngel]

Hi all here is my latest poetry.

Anywhere YOU desire is an erotic poem I wrote obviously for my Master and Scared to Feel was written about two years ago but i recently decided to submit it to Literotica. Interested in all opinions and criticism Good and bad sorta a poetry virgin so be gentle please. Will have another poem up shortly Silk and Steel another erotic poem inspired by my Sweetheart.


Link is to my stories and poetry
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1000928&page=submissions

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Hi all here is my latest poetry.

Anywhere YOU desire is an erotic poem I wrote obviously for my Master and Scared to Feel was written about two years ago but i recently decided to submit it to Literotica. Interested in all opinions and criticism Good and bad sorta a poetry virgin so be gentle please. Will have another poem up shortly Silk and Steel another erotic poem inspired by my Sweetheart.

I really like Scared to Feel, it expresses well felleing most of us have to deal with. Anywhere you desire has some moments, but somewhat misses, at least for me - perhaps each episode is a little underdeveloped?

Link is to my stories and poetry
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1000928&page=submissions

I think dropping 'Looks like' in God's Paintbrush, along with replacing 'It seems as if God were forming' with 'God forms' would make it better, but I appreciate it. Your other poems seem somewhat prosey (I'm quite guilty of that, too). I'm more on the poetry side of things, so I'll leave comments on the stories for others.

 

[DevilOrAngel]

I really like Scared to Feel, it expresses well felleing most of us have to deal with. Anywhere you desire has some moments, but somewhat misses, at least for me - perhaps each episode is a little underdeveloped?



I think dropping 'Looks like' in God's Paintbrush, along with replacing 'It seems as if God were forming' with 'God forms' would make it better, but I appreciate it. Your other poems seem somewhat prosey (I'm quite guilty of that, too). I'm more on the poetry side of things, so I'll leave comments on the stories for others.

Smiles I appreciate the constructive criticism EroticOrogeny I write most the poetry off top my head worrying more with how I'm feeling at the moment than developing it fully. That's kinda why I wanted the feedback to take what I've done and make it into a better poem

 

[WickedEve]

Anywhere YOU desire is pretty good for a Master/sub poem. Many bdsm poems aren't very good -- at least the ones here on lit. The first stanza gives some nice descriptions, like the decaying logs and bug bites.

 

[DevilOrAngel]

Anywhere YOU desire is pretty good for a Master/sub poem. Many bdsm poems aren't very good -- at least the ones here on lit. The first stanza gives some nice descriptions, like the decaying logs and bug bites.

Thanks Eve I was trying to think of everywhere I'd like to ahem enjoy my Master

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Smiles I appreciate the constructive criticism EroticOrogeny I write most the poetry off top my head worrying more with how I'm feeling at the moment than developing it fully. That's kinda why I wanted the feedback to take what I've done and make it into a better poem

Some of my stuff spins out pretty fast, while I work on other parts. Start out with pencil and paper, enter on computer and then print for final pencil work. Your work doesn't seem to have any obviously wrong words - horribly misspelled or using 'there' for 'there', which a spell checker won't fix. Spell checkers can be fun/frustrating - my favorite example comes from a paper I wrote on Alpine tectonics a while ago. I got the word processor to add 'orogeny' to its dictionary. I then needed to refer to more than one orogeny. For 'orogenies' it suggested 'erogenous' as a possibility!