ABSTRUSE
Cirque du Freak
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2003
- Posts
- 50,094
Every once in while, random thoughts float through my head and I feel a need to share.
I started thinking about things that annoy me in general, so here they are, in no particular order or subject matter.
Stretch pants. An unneccesary evil. No offense, but if you are over 250lbs, its not a good idea.
I don't care if they are comfortable, a good friend would tell you not to do it and a full length mirror should back this up.
This to me is worse than seeing ass crack peeking out from low rise jeans.
Here's the rule:
If it's akin to your skin, it's a sin.
Grocery stores:
I hate the people that have to block the entire aisle with their carts while they read the entire label on a can of soup. Is is that hard to move to the side? That's when I wish I had the monster 4x4 cart that will plow right over theirs.
Then there is the people that have to eat their way through the store. They open bags of food, or can's of soda...I saw a woman eating a chicken leg the other day while in line to pay. Wtf? Can't wait 5 minutes,lady?
Drivers:
I know for for a fact that turn signals are not an option with vehicles, they do serve a purpose. We have not evolved to the point where we can use mental telepathy. If we did I would use my Uri Gellar spoon bending powers to twist your car into a pretzel every time I have to slam on my brakes or veer around some jackass that decides at the last minute they are going to turn.
Do people also know what a yeild sign is? When entering a highway, YOU must yeild, not me coming at you 90 mph. Then they drop back in speed. Grrr. This is when I wish I had the built in laser option, one button control on the steering wheel. When you get cut off, simple push and reduce them to ash, then simply drive right over them.
I'm not even going to start on the selfish bastards who can't park a car straight or in the lines when there is more than enough room to swing a yak by the tail.
Kids and BM's: (gross factor warning)
How do kids under the age of ten, get something that large out of their ass without screaming in pain? and then it doesn't flush. I can count the times I've been greeted by trout in the pond. The toilet paper is gone, but Mr. Hankey is still happily bobbing along.
You flush again...and it's like a baby seal popping up to say hi again. I told my son, if his crap was used in the construction materials of the Titanic, the bitch would never have gone down.
Mini van moms don't own the road or school yards. It's your choice to have your own tribe, but it does not give you the right to block the entrance to the school when others are dropping off their 2.5 kids. I will shove that mug of coffee up your ass if you give me that smug look from behind your battletank plastered with "my child is an honor roll student", "Abortion is murder" or "Princess" bumper stickers. No self respecting Princess would be caught dead in a mercury minivan with 7 snot faced little trolls like yours. I find carrying around a thick permanent marker is a good thing, you can easily fix those annoying bumper stickers to suit your own needs. Under the "Abortion is Murder" I like to put, "so is paying for your tribe of inbreds". Under the "my child is an honor roll student" put, "Yeah, but can he tie his own shoes?"
Some bumper stickers just make me want to plow into the back end of some vehicles.
Well, that's a few of MY peeves, anyone care to share theirs????
~A~
ps. Always carry a package of post it notes, to leave on the windows of the really ignorant parkers.
I started thinking about things that annoy me in general, so here they are, in no particular order or subject matter.
Stretch pants. An unneccesary evil. No offense, but if you are over 250lbs, its not a good idea.
I don't care if they are comfortable, a good friend would tell you not to do it and a full length mirror should back this up.
This to me is worse than seeing ass crack peeking out from low rise jeans.
Here's the rule:
If it's akin to your skin, it's a sin.
Grocery stores:
I hate the people that have to block the entire aisle with their carts while they read the entire label on a can of soup. Is is that hard to move to the side? That's when I wish I had the monster 4x4 cart that will plow right over theirs.
Then there is the people that have to eat their way through the store. They open bags of food, or can's of soda...I saw a woman eating a chicken leg the other day while in line to pay. Wtf? Can't wait 5 minutes,lady?
Drivers:
I know for for a fact that turn signals are not an option with vehicles, they do serve a purpose. We have not evolved to the point where we can use mental telepathy. If we did I would use my Uri Gellar spoon bending powers to twist your car into a pretzel every time I have to slam on my brakes or veer around some jackass that decides at the last minute they are going to turn.
Do people also know what a yeild sign is? When entering a highway, YOU must yeild, not me coming at you 90 mph. Then they drop back in speed. Grrr. This is when I wish I had the built in laser option, one button control on the steering wheel. When you get cut off, simple push and reduce them to ash, then simply drive right over them.
I'm not even going to start on the selfish bastards who can't park a car straight or in the lines when there is more than enough room to swing a yak by the tail.
Kids and BM's: (gross factor warning)
How do kids under the age of ten, get something that large out of their ass without screaming in pain? and then it doesn't flush. I can count the times I've been greeted by trout in the pond. The toilet paper is gone, but Mr. Hankey is still happily bobbing along.
You flush again...and it's like a baby seal popping up to say hi again. I told my son, if his crap was used in the construction materials of the Titanic, the bitch would never have gone down.
Mini van moms don't own the road or school yards. It's your choice to have your own tribe, but it does not give you the right to block the entrance to the school when others are dropping off their 2.5 kids. I will shove that mug of coffee up your ass if you give me that smug look from behind your battletank plastered with "my child is an honor roll student", "Abortion is murder" or "Princess" bumper stickers. No self respecting Princess would be caught dead in a mercury minivan with 7 snot faced little trolls like yours. I find carrying around a thick permanent marker is a good thing, you can easily fix those annoying bumper stickers to suit your own needs. Under the "Abortion is Murder" I like to put, "so is paying for your tribe of inbreds". Under the "my child is an honor roll student" put, "Yeah, but can he tie his own shoes?"
Some bumper stickers just make me want to plow into the back end of some vehicles.
Well, that's a few of MY peeves, anyone care to share theirs????
~A~
ps. Always carry a package of post it notes, to leave on the windows of the really ignorant parkers.
