My Perv's Sex Toy

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

censored

 

[CeriseNoire]

Since it's on this board, I guess it here for feedback then?

Honestly, I didn't read it all. The first paragraph had so many misspellings and grammatical errors, I couldn't go through the massive paragraphs that followed. I did skim through it, and here's my advice. Pick up a basic grammar guide to cover sentence structure and basic punctuation. Get an editor for the rest. Preferably one who speaks English.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

sorry

hehe yeah my engilsh suck indeed

 

[cloudy]

hehe yeah my engilsh suck indeed but if u wanted you could understand.. lazy bitch

Submit it and see how fucking fast it's rejected, dumbass. Why should we have to wade through your tripe when there's much better stories to be read it the "Stories" section.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Submit it and see how fucking fast it's rejected, dumbass. Why should we have to wade through your tripe when there's much better stories to be read it the "Stories" section.

Thing is i dunno how to put it into stories section lolol

 

[CeriseNoire]

hehe yeah my engilsh suck indeed but if u wanted you could understand.. lazy bitch

I truly do apologize for taking that thing you posted as a serious piece for critique. I didn't say I didn't understand it, by the way (being a polyglot, even mangled English can be deciphered if I so choose). I simply said that nothing in there motivated that kind of effort. As for your name-calling, I sure hope it amuses you.

 

[_Lynn_]

Since it's on this board, I guess it here for feedback then?

I read a couple sentences.

I didn't go on. Enough said.

 

[MarshAlien]

hehe yeah my engilsh suck indeed but if u wanted you could understand.. lazy bitch

I understood it. Your story sucked, too. It actually would have sucked even if it had been written in the Queen's English (although it would have had that annoying "knickers" in it then). But if you're going to post on an English-speaking site, learning the language first, or at least making an effort to learn the language first, would be a big help.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

I understood it. Your story sucked, too. It actually would have sucked even if it had been written in the Queen's English (although it would have had that annoying "knickers" in it then). But if you're going to post on an English-speaking site, learning the language first, or at least making an effort to learn the language first, would be a big help.

I agree completely.

 

[FatDino]

Thing is i dunno how to put it into stories section lolol

"lol" means "laugh out loud." What does your "lolol" mean? "Laugh out loud online?"

And what does it mean to laugh online? Do you also laugh in real life? So that makes it just "lol" then. Whichever way, your English sucks. And keep in mind English is not my first language.

 

[MarshAlien]

"lol" means "laugh out loud." What does your "lolol" mean? "Laugh out loud online?"

And what does it mean to laugh online? Do you also laugh in real life? So that makes it just "lol" then. Whichever way, your English sucks. And keep in mind English is not my first language.

Yeah, she's Canadian. Which is just like English, but about 78 percent less valuable. On the plus side, their quarters do fit in our newspaper machines.

btw, what happened to LeanDino? I liked her. Although I thought LeanoDino would have been even more fun.

 

[FatDino]

Yeah, she's Canadian. Which is just like English, but about 78 percent less valuable. On the plus side, their quarters do fit in our newspaper machines.

btw, what happened to LeanDino? I liked her. Although I thought LeanoDino would have been even more fun.

LMAO...We should build a conspiracy to milk those newspaper machines, huh?

LeanDino is now wandering in the Dino valley, she needs to gain a few tons. Her ribs are starting to show. *sigh*

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Yeah, she's Canadian. Which is just like English, but about 78 percent less valuable. On the plus side, their quarters do fit in our newspaper machines.

btw, what happened to LeanDino? I liked her. Although I thought LeanoDino would have been even more fun.

Actually, the Loonie is running about 0.94 USD these days....

 

[MarshAlien]

Actually, the Loonie is running about 0.94 USD these days....

I actually knew it was higher than 78 percent, but I've never let actual facts stand in the way of a laugh. I had no idea it was called the Loonie, though. Do Canadians call it that. Btw, Canada has, hands down, the best national anthem in the world. France would be first, except it's completely in French. Nice tune, though.

 

[FatDino]

I actually knew it was higher than 78 percent, but I've never let actual facts stand in the way of a laugh. I had no idea it was called the Loonie, though. Do Canadians call it that. Btw, Canada has, hands down, the best national anthem in the world. France would be first, except it's completely in French. Nice tune, though.

Yea, we call them loonies.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

I actually knew it was higher than 78 percent, but I've never let actual facts stand in the way of a laugh. I had no idea it was called the Loonie, though. Do Canadians call it that. Btw, Canada has, hands down, the best national anthem in the world. France would be first, except it's completely in French. Nice tune, though.

And the two dollar coin is a Twoonie....

 

[drksideofthemoon]

I actually knew it was higher than 78 percent, but I've never let actual facts stand in the way of a laugh. I had no idea it was called the Loonie, though. Do Canadians call it that. Btw, Canada has, hands down, the best national anthem in the world. France would be first, except it's completely in French. Nice tune, though.

For just the music, I think the Russians have the most moving piece.

Click Here

 

[CeriseNoire]

I actually knew it was higher than 78 percent, but I've never let actual facts stand in the way of a laugh. I had no idea it was called the Loonie, though. Do Canadians call it that. Btw, Canada has, hands down, the best national anthem in the world. France would be first, except it's completely in French. Nice tune, though.

The lyrics are nice too

 

[MarshAlien]

The lyrics are nice too

Except...

And the two dollar coin is a Twoonie....

Seriously? Loonie Twoonies?

I like keeping this thread going because when somebody answers, I get to go to the main page and see that the most recent reply in the Story Feedback forum is "My Perv's Sex Toy by CeriseNoire" or "My Perv's Sex Toy by FatDino." No offense, drk.

 

[FatDino]

Except...



Seriously? Loonie Twoonies?

I like keeping this thread going because when somebody answers, I get to go to the main page and see that the most recent reply in the Story Feedback forum is "My Perv's Sex Toy by CeriseNoire" or "My Perv's Sex Toy by FatDino." No offense, drk.

Toonies, there's no "w."

 

[CeriseNoire]

Except...

You'll have to take my word for it then

I like keeping this thread going because when somebody answers, I get to go to the main page and see that the most recent reply in the Story Feedback forum is "My Perv's Sex Toy by CeriseNoire" or "My Perv's Sex Toy by FatDino." No offense, drk.

Hehe. I have a sex toy. No perv though. Oh wait, that's not what you meant

 

[FatDino]

Hehe. I have a sex toy. No perv though. Oh wait, that's not what you meant

LMAO...Cerise, you really had me crack up on this one.

 

[CeriseNoire]

LMAO...Cerise, you really had me crack up on this one.

Sadly I'm a VIP shopper at my online toyshop

 

[FatDino]

Sadly I'm a VIP shopper at my online toyshop

Any kind of VIP is good.

 

[jomar]

hehe yeah my engilsh suck indeed but if u wanted you could understand.. lazy bitch

Much as I love threadjacks I just want to say I really give ESL writers a break. But if you're for real, then no, because of your attitude.