My Olympic Dreams Are Shattered.

[shereads]

Entering Day 2 of the Women's Marathon. I've begun to despair of reaching the stadium before daybreak and the morning rush hour. The road was re-opened to automobile traffic six hours ago. So my final fifteen miles promise to be brutal, indeed.

So this is what they mean by "the loneliness of the long distance runner."

I've been alone out here since the mobile camera crew disappeared over the horizon, tracking that girl from Lichtenstein in the ankle brace. For an hour or two, it was just Lichstenstein and me. I took the lead when she stopped to adjust her bandage; the euphoria was brief but potent. Maybe it was even worth the years of training. I wasn't just a marathoner, my friends. I was running the original route from Marathon to Athens, and I was ahead of Lichstenstein! These are the moments that make competitive sports so addictive.

Then it hit me: I had to pee.

Why is it that my coaches, with all their talk about the importance of staying hydrated, never once mentioned the difficulty of finding a public restroom along this route? By the time I found one with toilet paper, Lichtenstein was just a dot on the horizon, her ankle brace glinting in the setting sun.

The crowd was still with me until dark; or at least I think they were. There was a lot of laughter, but the Greeks are cheerful folk so that's probably just their way of saying, "Go, American athlete! Let nothing deter you from finishing this race; not the darkness, or the threat of rush-hour traffic, or the fact that your flight home leaves in less than half a day!"

Thank you, people of Athens, for believing in me. Even though most of you went to bed hours ago, I know you're with me in spirit.



I need to pee again.

 

[Guest]

My hubby threw shot in college.

 

[Guest]

Actually -

When I read this thread I wondered if it would be about the U.S. basketball team.

You know, the ego-filled, non-team-skilled, millionaire's club attempting to play in the Olympics?

I just cannot believe they're still eligible for a medal!!!!

 

[shereads]

My hubby threw shot in college.

Do they clear the area for that?

 

[shereads]

Re: Actually -

When I read this thread I wondered if it would be about the U.S. basketball team.

You know, the ego-filled, non-team-skilled, millionaire's club attempting to play in the Olympics?

I just cannot believe they're still eligible for a medal!!!!

These are not our "A" team NBA players; these are the "B" team NBA players. Tell me you didn't wipe away a tear or two when they wiped up the court with those stuck-up little Pygmies from Bujumbura! I felt so proud.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Actually -

These are not our "A" team NBA players; these are the "B" team NBA players. Tell me you didn't wipe away a tear or two when they wiped up the court with those stuck-up little Pygmies from Bujumbura! I felt so proud.

Oh, my yes. Hankies all around.

 

[shereads]

And how about the can-do attitude of that Iraqi gymnast who competed in a bhurka? With all the attention the men have been receiving in soccer, I'm surprised that there's been so little acclaim for her effort. Granted, she had to drop out rather than risk flashing too much skin on the parallel bars, but doesn't it mean something that she wanted to compete?

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

My hubby threw shot in college.

I tried that, but my SHOT wouldn't stay PUT


Okay! I entered the sport because they said it would build up my breasts. Now, my Olympic Size Dream involves breast augmentation surgery, because all I got for my trouble is low back pain and hemorrhoids.

 

[Weird Harold]

And how about the can-do attitude of that Iraqi gymnast who competed in a bhurka?

I realize that you're being silly on this thread, but the only Iraqi woman on the team was a 100m sprinter.

Unfortunately, there don't seem to be any pictures of her available, nor can I find anything about how well she did or didn't do in her single appearance on the track.

One of the three women on the Afghan team was also a 100m sprinter, and she got three seconds of air time on NBC -- probably because she's a good-looking young woman -- but I haven't even been able to find out what events the other two afghan women are/were entered in.

NBC did a biography piece on the ony Palestinian swimmer, but I must have missed his appearance at the pool.

The "hopeless" contestants from third world or troubled countries aren't getting enough attention, IMHO -- they deserve more than a passing mention or three seconds of screen time because they're cute.

 

[shereads]

Harold, I confess. I haven't watched the Olympics. I did see the finish of the women's marathon, and was pleased that NBC's cameras didn't linger on the ones who were throwing up after they crossed the finish line.

Also: wouldn't it annoy the dickens out of you if you were struggling to hold second or third place approaching the end of your marathon, and a few feet directly in front of you was the motorscooter carrying the mobile camera that's focused on the athlete ahead of you? What's up with that?

 

[Weird Harold]

wouldn't it annoy the dickens out of you if you were struggling to hold second or third place approaching the end of your marathon, and a few feet directly in front of you was the motorscooter carrying the mobile camera that's focused on the athlete ahead of you? What's up with that?

If the camera scooter is directly ahed of you, then you've strayed off of the course and it doesn't matter if you finish or not.

There is a separate lane set aside for the camera scooters where they're used and they're supposed to stay out of the running lanes -- and the runners are disqualified for leaving the course if they enter the camera lanes.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

So, the runner can’t leave the race for a quick pee, and expect to continue.

If needs must, I suppose one squats in the middle of the runner’s lane and leaves behind their auld lane sign.


I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!

 

[poohlive]

Nah, just keep going. With any luck, all that sweat and whatnot, it might not look like anything's out of the ordinary...
That is, until you begin to leave a trail behind you, and it smells o asparigas.

 

[amicus]

Youse guys are a kick!

 

[Guest]

A great chuckle for a Monday morning!

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I too would like to see more of the lower-tier athletes.

I'm one of those people who finds losing more interesting than winning. There's not much to understand watching a top-ranked gymnast or swimmer, say. It's like watching a machine. It's the ones who know they don't have much of a chance that fascinate me.

In all the races I'm always looking at the person way back at the end of the field and wondering what they're feeling, and in the gymnastics events I like to look behind the floor exercises and catch a glimpse of some third-rater wobbling on the balance beam. I can relate to that stuff.

---dr.M.

 

[CharleyH]

They only news I have heard is how our rowers didn't get us a medal, and from then on it's been a news frenzy of how we need more money if we are to be competative Real exciting stuff.

Edit to add: Wait! No, I did see a synchronized diver tucking his balls back into his swimsuit after his dive. more exciting.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

... I did see a synchronized diver tucking his balls back into his swimsuit after his dive...

Was there any technical reason why he had them out for the dive, or didn’t they say?

 

[Vincent E]

originally posted by shereads
Why is it that my coaches, with all their talk about the importance of staying hydrated, never once mentioned the difficulty of finding a public restroom along this route?

Do you really want to know where those long distance runners pee?

As for the sprinter in a burkha, she was from the U.A.E. At first I thought that she was wearing some type of funky new running apparatus. The swimmer switched to the full length body suits back in 2000, so I thought this was another innovation. Why can't she wear some type of aerodynamically designed lycra running suit with a hood?

And as long as I'm mentioning swimwear, here's a question for the ladies: are any of you turned on by the Micheal Phelps' "see how I wear my Speedo hanging off my hips and risking that it is getting left behind when I dive in the water for the 100 fly" look?

It isn't the fault of our US basketball players that they lost to Lithuania. They all said so.

China has now won every gold medal in Olympic Table Tennis. They can have it. Something about two 14-year old girls playing ping-pong as an Olympic sport is just plain wrong.

Did anyone see the US representative from the gang who couldn't shoot straight. Here I live in a country that, thank God and the 2nd amendment, allows the private ownership of firearms; we should be the greatest marksmen in the world. So the US shooter only needed to hit the target to win the gold. So, what does he do? Deadeye hits the wrong fucking target. His DQ on that shot dropped him from a lock for the gold to 8th.

The gold medal tennis match lasted four hours, and I watched a lot of it. Massu versus Fish - not for money, but for national pride. Massu put up one of the most un-fucking-believeable matches ever. He should have been toast after going down 6-3, 6-2, 6-3. He came back after losing a point to tie at 1-1 in the fourth set. The official, who rumor has it is a distant cousin to the US shooter who missed the target, ruled that Fish's serve was in when anyone with his head up his ass could see was out. Massu knew he got screwed, but it lit a fire under his ass. He dominated the match after that call. Props to him.

Tug-of-war used to be an Olympic sport. However, now we have synchronized diving - and ping-pong. I have an idea, let's drop the discus for checkers. Let's stop the triple jump and replace it with video games.

Frankly, the slackers who participate in the X-Games have more on the ball than the people who gave us synch swimming. Some of those boarders can break their necks, and I wish they would. The synch swimmers should be judged on who can hold her breath the longest: passing out gets you a silver, drowning gets you the gold.

Good grief, I've become a curmudgeon.

 

[CharleyH]

Was there any technical reason why he had them out for the dive, or didn’t they say?

LOL - well, he did win a medal :|

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

LOL - well, he did win a medal :|

Aah! Extra points for showmanship.

 

[shereads]

You people clearly don't give a damn that I'm now entering Day 3 of the Women's Marathon. Pardon me for not having some balls to tuck back into my burkha so I can keep the AH entertained. Perverts.

You think I'm doing this for my health? Right. You've never run out of Power Bars entering Mile 18 and had to hoover down a yoghurt salad from a street vendor, served in 100-degree heat. I'm not doing this for myself, people. I was, but when it became clear that I wouldn't medal, a shoe contract was out of the question. Now I'm doing it for God and country. This hasn't been the best year, public relations-wise, for the USA, and I'm going to finish this race if it takes another three days.

To the person who was driving the black Mini:

If you're out there, creep, I want you to know you barely grazed me. Two Bandaids is all. I have more in my fannypack.

Do your worst, Athens.

 

[CharleyH]

You people clearly don't give a damn that I'm now entering Day 3 of the Women's Marathon. Pardon me for not having some balls to tuck back into my burkha so I can keep the AH entertained. Perverts.

You think I'm doing this for my health? Right. You've never run out of Power Bars entering Mile 18 and had to hoover down a yoghurt salad from a street vendor, served in 100-degree heat. I'm not doing this for myself, people. I was, but when it became clear that I wouldn't medal, a shoe contract was out of the question. Now I'm doing it for God and country. This hasn't been the best year, public relations-wise, for the USA, and I'm going to finish this race if it takes another three days.

To the person who was driving the black Mini:

If you're out there, creep, I want you to know you barely grazed me. Two Bandaids is all. I have more in my fannypack.

Do your worst, Athens.

ROFL - God, you really need to write this into a story.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

...I have more in my fannypack. ..

More truth than poetry, that.

 

[shereads]

Good news, fans of Team USA and the Women's Marathon event.

The taverna where I stopped for directions has a 2-for-1 Happy Hour and toilet paper! There's a vacant rental apartment upstairs, too. If they'll honor my American Automobile Association discount, I'm tempted to have a nap, a foot bath and a change of socks before starting Mile 19.

Granted, a nap and a couple of drinks represent a departure from my training. But with a fresh start, I could still cross the finish line less than 24 hours behind Lichsteinstein.

Day 3 isn't so bad, after all.

I just hope there's not another track & field event in progress when I enter the stadium tomorrow afternoon. That would complicate things.