My new submissive.

[Betticus]

She will be in town at the end of the month to visit family and spend some time with me. It's kind of making me nervous with this one since when we met it was like we'd known each other forever but that was just before I went into the hospital. We'd talked a bit about her being my sub but then the whole almost dying thing and she'd moved away.. but now she's coming back.

There's a couple of awkward bits as she is friends with some of my friends and as far as they ever knew she was vanilla and I've always been careful to keep my dom side away from them.. as far as they know I'm just a touch kinky.

I've been trying to gently break in the idea to them, the girls seem to understand even if they are more on the vanilla side so that's not a big issue once I get them past the misconception that D/s is about perversion or kink but they guys.. different story. Even the couple of guys who knew I was into D/s, the lifestyle are exhibiting a kind of misdirected jealousy. It isn't anything overtly hostile but it seems they are more defensive and are adjusting their behaviour to be a bit more aggressive.

These aren't big issues and I can handle those but what is surprising me is my own reaction. I'm actually nervous like a teen about to go on a first date and nothing is going to happen other than discussing what we expect from each other and what we can both do to find a bit of solace and happiness.

It sounds very cliche' but she makes me feel like I could be a little better, a little stronger, faster.. that I need to try harder but at the same time I wonder if some of this is baggage leftover from the past, worrying about what could go wrong.

Am I the only one this happens to?

 

[where]

probably totally off the point, but what concern is your sex life to your friends?

 

[Betticus]

It's not really about sex. I think I have too much time on my hands, I should paint a room or something.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

It's not really about sex. I think I have too much time on my hands, I should paint a room or something.

Got a whole houseful of rooms here that she wants different colors. Come on over.

 

[YourCaptor]

You could take some nudie pics and show off the wealth.

 

[shy slave]

Re: He

probably totally off the point, but what concern is your sex life to your friends?

I wondered the same thing.

In past relationships, even when the Ds has been overtly outside the bedroom it wasn't discussed or particularly noticed by friends/family.
Some knew the situation because they too were involved in Ds but the for the rest, it was not there concern.

 

[Betticus]

The sub in question I met through a friend and she is also friends with some of my close friends who had no clue she was a submissive. This is the only real reason for them knowing because they can either get used to the idea over time and have it spoon fed to them or be totally surprised.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

The sub in question I met through a friend and she is also friends with some of my close friends who had no clue she was a submissive. This is the only real reason for them knowing because they can either get used to the idea over time and have it spoon fed to them or be totally surprised.

Sorry just out of interest, why do they need to know? and was she OK with you telling them that about her?

 

[Betticus]

Well, she doesn't want to hide it and only 3 close friends know about it, mutual friends. We're not going to advertise it or throw it in peoples faces but I think its going to be easier to get rid of their misconceptions now then to spring it on them later. She wants a pink collar that says submissive on it, I think they'll figure it out.

This is not helping though, I'll figure it out on my own.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

It does sound like you are still questioning yourself from a previous relationship, maybe thinking where you went wrong and trying to fix problems from that relationship with this one even though its a bit soon to be having those same problems and will more than likely cause them to repeat themselves.

My advice (which I never follow) is slow down, take a breath, get things right with yourself first and even be brutally honest with yourself, maybe write it down how you feel, leave it for a week then go back and read, because otherwise if you are questioning yourself now, well it will only get worse.

 

[bisexualsmoker]

_

If they can't get used to it then they just
aren't true friends.

 

[ImOnIt]

If they can't get used to it then they just
aren't true friends.

Umm, I don't need to know about the sexuality of my acquaintances. If one of my friends wore a pink collar labelled submissive (i can only assume this is literal) i would think they were trying far too hard and should shut the fuck up (metaphorically) by removing it.

Such a proclamation falls squarely in the BAD IDEA camp to me because people just don't need to know. Some people I know rip through friends and acquaintances through flambouyant displays of intentionally offensive things because everyone else 'just doesn't get it, man'. I came to the conclusion that it's for people who WANT churn and burn and drama in their daily lives. Which is fine (i guess?), but equally, I choose to distance myself from such and scorn the superficiality.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I agree with ImOnIt. Not that I distance myself from my own drama, and sometimes I do want to shove my superficiality in people's faces-- but it's always good to be aware of your motivations.

And of the potential for fucking things up in your social circle.

 

[ImOnIt]

I agree with ImOnIt. Not that I distance myself from my own drama, and sometimes I do want to shove my superficiality in people's faces-- but it's always good to be aware of your motivations.

And of the potential for fucking things up in your social circle.

I associate it with people who breeze past with any number of intentionally 'shocking' (read: stupid) hooks, begin conversation and quickly pass judgement on those around them and then swan off equally as fast to find someone more like themselves who they can compete with. A nuclear wasteland of 'used' people surrounds them, as their expectations form their reality and swathes are written off as inferior.

I fucking love constance (consistency?) and people who show stability. Well anchored people (to reality). When I get caught up in ego drama that I'm not a likeable person, so I opt out.

I get mad when (sweeping judgement against idiots in general) people complain about being judged on their attention-seeking choice of clothing. Based on some burlesque dancers here, by being likeable and agreeable they can get away with wearing whatever the fuck they want just by pure force of self-assurance. The key attitude difference is (I think) that they dress from pride, are not ashamed and have nothing to prove.[/semi hijack]