My new story-In Bed with Julian

[justboycrazy]

Hey, it's justboycrazy aka Jana. I had a new story posted recently titled In Bed With Julian which is in the Celebrities section. I would appreciate only POSITIVE feedback/comments. You can leave comments on my story or give feedback by way of my profile.

 

[FernieLyn]

Hi,

I'm curious. Why do you want positive feedback only? Shouldn't you encourage positive and negative feedback, as long as it's constructive criticism? Just a thought.

And oh, next time you could include a link to the story, like so... (this is your story)
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=366672

I've read your story. It's a nice, short erotic story. However, some of the paragraphs were too long; next time try to shorten them to 5-7 lines per paragraph. Also there were some "lie/lay" mistakes, as well as some punctuation errors. There were also too many adverbs ending in -ly (steadily, excitedly, etc). It's been pointed out to me to minimize -ly adverbs and instead use stronger verbs.

Good luck in your writing!