My Life

[HornyInBKLYN]

Everyday I wonder.....
Wonder what life will be like today.
Is it going to be peace.....
Or is it going to be war.


I wonder if I'll be ridiculed....
Or will I be welcomed.
Will I be sad....
Or will I be full of life.


Would I find my true love....
Or will I still keep searching....
This is My Life....
It's just another day.

My one piece of poetry, I wrote this a while back when i was really depressed. Let me know what you think.

 

[wildsweetone]

hi and welcome to the poetry forum

here's some of my thoughts, please feel free to use or toss whatever you like. i won't take offense.

i think your poem is interesting.

you go from 'life' in the first stanza
to 'yourself' in the second and third stanzas.

i half expected you to expand on the questions of the first stanza.

is there any reason you have capitalised the first letter of each line?

is there a reason you have used .... (an inconsistent number of ...) and yet you have not used question marks?

like i said, just some thoughts of mine. i don't require answers, the thoughts are there for you to work out yourself. *smile*

again, welcome. stick around and you'll learn lots.

 

[HornyInBKLYN]

Thank you, I wrote that poem when I was 16. I just typed it the way I wrote it.
I appreciate the help, I have great grammer, but when it comes time to writing I'm not all that great, lol.
I plan on sticking around.

 

[Angeline]

Thank you, I wrote that poem when I was 16. I just typed it the way I wrote it.
I appreciate the help, I have great grammer, but when it comes time to writing I'm not all that great, lol.
I plan on sticking around.

Hi and welcome to the poetry forum.

I agree that your grammar is very good, but I do think you need to do a lot more exploration with language to get from you've written to poetry.

What separates poetry from plain old expository writing is its use of images and metaphors in language to get its message across. If I want to inform you of something, I explain it to you. Explanations are pretty banal. Directions and recipes are explanation. Poetry should be art, so if I want my reader to experience something artistically, I need to do more than explain. I need to create images that make the reader experience the words (that is, feel them with the senses), not just understand them.

Here's your poem. Your basic message is "I wonder what my life will be? Will it be good or bad? Will I find my love or will it just be another day?" That's just a series of questions. It's also quite a bit to put in one short poem.

Everyday I wonder.....
Wonder what life will be like today.
Is it going to be peace.....
Or is it going to be war.


I wonder if I'll be ridiculed....
Or will I be welcomed.
Will I be sad....
Or will I be full of life.


Would I find my true love....
Or will I still keep searching....
This is My Life....
It's just another day.

And the result, because you've put all these big questions into one small poem, is that you have nothing but generalities. To make something poetic you have to paint images with your words and you have to be specific.

You live in Brooklyn. It's full of sights and sounds and smells and tastes, things you can touch, any number of which would make wonderful poetry. Think about the street you live on. What exactly does it look like there? What colors do you see? What sounds do you hear? Scents do you smell? It you live in a brick building and you touched the bricks, what would that feel like on your fingers? Now think of one line in your poem.

Would I find my true love

Think about a day you were standing on your street, thinking about this. Maybe you saw someone walk by and you wondered if she could be the one. What was the weather like that day? What did things look like? What did she look like? How did it make you feel to see someone and think "that could be someone who'll love me?" Try to write a poem about that or anything very specific that captures a moment in time. I think if you do that and you read lots of poetry to discover what you like, you'll be well on your way.

Explore this forum to read poems--start with the "Share a Poet" thread to read some great ones. Think about why you like the ones you do. Then try to write something of your own that captures the qualities you value in what you read.

And ask lots of questions. You're in the right place for that.

Good luck.

 

[HornyInBKLYN]

Thank you Angeline. You really helped me out. When I get some insperation I will try an write another. In the mean time, I am going to attempt to write a story. Not sure yet, I really don't have any privacy, lol but I might.

I can't edit my avatar.

 

[Angeline]

Thank you Angeline. You really helped me out. When I get some insperation I will try an write another. In the mean time, I am going to attempt to write a story. Not sure yet, I really don't have any privacy, lol but I might.

I can't edit my avatar.

I'm glad I did. I was afraid it might offend you, but no offense was intended--just telling you my opinion.

You can't get an avatar until you have 100 posts. Once you hit 100, the avatar option will become available.

 

[HornyInBKLYN]

No you didn't offend me, I'm grateful for the advise.
Thank you, I thought that it was disabled or something.