My latest story - self pleasure

[ericahope]

My latest story is up. I'm interested in people's thoughts, both positive and negative, but constructive either way.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=426574

It's filed under the "Toys and Masturbation" category. Feel free to send me feedback on the story page, directly through the link provided on the page or here on the thread.

Thank you to my editors - raybear and cristalball!

Thanks!

Erica

 

[signscott]

story

My latest story is up. I'm interested in people's thoughts, both positive and negative, but constructive either way.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=426574

It's filed under the "Toys and Masturbation" category. Feel free to send me feedback on the story page, directly through the link provided on the page or here on the thread.

Thank you to my editors - raybear and cristalball!

Thanks!

Erica

That was fantastic!

 

[mcman54]

Excellent

Great story. I love the way you communicated your almost tortorous need and desire. Excellent job. I could almost feel the heat between your thighs. Nothing as exciting as a woman masturbating and satisfying herself.

 

[agedmac]

oh my.

What lovely writing. The key to all 'true erotica' is getting inside the writer's mind. In this story, we're there throughout.

Since this is to help writers, I will make a couple of general statements and one specific wording. The wording.... breasts were not taught, they were taut..smile

The broader points. The morning wake up. Almost too business-like after realizing you were alone. OK, you needed to be (work beckons) but maybe just a little thought or two while in the shower of making love, of the feel of the body wash on your body and then maybe, 'girl, got to get going' kind of reaction.

The wonderful thought of the button. I've seen a woman toying with that button, toying with the thought of undoing it or not; toying with the reaction of others and of her own..lovely way of putting it in the story...reserving the right later.

The heat of the Metro. Being pressed against, pushing back, the other woman 'seeing' you and wondering what she sees. Yes, I've seen that look in women to other women and thought, "Damn, they do communicate in ways we cannot". The idea that he is gone after.

Finally, you writing back to the hubby. I would have said something like, "I wanted to tell him everything but decided to tell him little. Maybe some of what I would tell him later would show him what I was going through. But maybe some of which I would never share because it is for me only. Instead I wrote the briefest of notes. "Your email was perfect. But I was already excited and heated. On the Metro, baby, a man pressed against me with his hardness. And I pressed back." That would be all I would say to him because? Because it would keep him floating until he returned to me. Hungry for me.

The idea is that the story should finish with your desire not satiated and a bit of a tease 'for more'.

NOW, having said all that, the story works in SO many levels. It is erotic; it is tight (even taut? GRIN) and most of all, more than anything.

It is full of you.

 

[ericahope]

Great story. I love the way you communicated your almost tortorous need and desire. Excellent job. I could almost feel the heat between your thighs. Nothing as exciting as a woman masturbating and satisfying herself.

Thanks! I'm so happy you enjoyed it!

Erica

 

[ericahope]

oh my.

What lovely writing. The key to all 'true erotica' is getting inside the writer's mind. In this story, we're there throughout.

Since this is to help writers, I will make a couple of general statements and one specific wording. The wording.... breasts were not taught, they were taut..smile

The broader points. The morning wake up. Almost too business-like after realizing you were alone. OK, you needed to be (work beckons) but maybe just a little thought or two while in the shower of making love, of the feel of the body wash on your body and then maybe, 'girl, got to get going' kind of reaction.

The wonderful thought of the button. I've seen a woman toying with that button, toying with the thought of undoing it or not; toying with the reaction of others and of her own..lovely way of putting it in the story...reserving the right later.

The heat of the Metro. Being pressed against, pushing back, the other woman 'seeing' you and wondering what she sees. Yes, I've seen that look in women to other women and thought, "Damn, they do communicate in ways we cannot". The idea that he is gone after.

Finally, you writing back to the hubby. I would have said something like, "I wanted to tell him everything but decided to tell him little. Maybe some of what I would tell him later would show him what I was going through. But maybe some of which I would never share because it is for me only. Instead I wrote the briefest of notes. "Your email was perfect. But I was already excited and heated. On the Metro, baby, a man pressed against me with his hardness. And I pressed back." That would be all I would say to him because? Because it would keep him floating until he returned to me. Hungry for me.

The idea is that the story should finish with your desire not satiated and a bit of a tease 'for more'.

NOW, having said all that, the story works in SO many levels. It is erotic; it is tight (even taut? GRIN) and most of all, more than anything.

It is full of you.

Thanks so much for the feedback! I can't believe I missed the "taut" issue. I blame my editors!

Your idea of leaving my hubby hanging for more until he returned is an interesting one... Hmmmm....

Erica

 

[fiammetta]

great!

ok i gotta admit, i usually don't read this category. but I loved this one! it was super sexy, you had me squirming. The only things I could say to improve on, and i think someone else may have said it already is that there's too much build up. And usually, I don't really like the first person thing, but it worked here. (Just a weird thing I have.) Made me wanna write my own!

 

[ericahope]

ok i gotta admit, i usually don't read this category. but I loved this one! it was super sexy, you had me squirming. The only things I could say to improve on, and i think someone else may have said it already is that there's too much build up. And usually, I don't really like the first person thing, but it worked here. (Just a weird thing I have.) Made me wanna write my own!

Thanks for the feedback fiametta I appreciate it, particularly that another woman liked the story (I'm assuming you're female). I'd encourage you to write your own some time!

Erica

 

[lkywon]

My Desires Fulfilled, for Now has given me desires of my own. For that I thank you. It was a very erotic read that was truly enjoyed. I imagined you writing that for me and as you were being fulfilled,..... you also helped to fulfill my longings. Mmmmmm! I look forward to reading more of your stories. Thank you for the fantasy!

 

[Cristalball]

Ha! Sorry about the miss. I can't believe all three of us missed it! But it is probably my funniest "neglects" in editing.

I guess AgedMac really taught us...

 

[ericahope]

My Desires Fulfilled, for Now has given me desires of my own. For that I thank you. It was a very erotic read that was truly enjoyed. I imagined you writing that for me and as you were being fulfilled,..... you also helped to fulfill my longings. Mmmmmm! I look forward to reading more of your stories. Thank you for the fantasy!

My pleasure, literally

Erica

 

[ericahope]

Ha! Sorry about the miss. I can't believe all three of us missed it! But it is probably my funniest "neglects" in editing.

I guess AgedMac really taught us...

No problem Cristal

Erica

 

[MiliktheRed]

I've left the following review on your story

"The most erotic thing a man can witness is his lover in the throes of orgasm. Your depiction is so wonderfully vivid its as if I can see you as you reach your Moment. I can read this one over and over."
I don't vote easily. I don't like to give negative votes, and wont vote if a story doesn't deserve a 4 or 5.
This one gets a solid five. Absoultly wonderful

 

[agedmac]

Ha! Sorry about the miss. I can't believe all three of us missed it! But it is probably my funniest "neglects" in editing.

I guess AgedMac really taught us...

Well, don't know about me teaching anything to lovely ladies like you two

But the whole theme has a story idea about nature vs. nuture?

You don't see it.

Can taut titties be taught?

grin

 

[ericahope]

I've left the following review on your story

"The most erotic thing a man can witness is his lover in the throes of orgasm. Your depiction is so wonderfully vivid its as if I can see you as you reach your Moment. I can read this one over and over."
I don't vote easily. I don't like to give negative votes, and wont vote if a story doesn't deserve a 4 or 5.
This one gets a solid five. Absoultly wonderful

Thanks! I really appreciate it!

Erica

 

[everard69]

I am 68 married twice to attractive women and have been a devoted wanker since the age of 11.I once got my second wife to finger her hairy cunt to orgasm then she tossed me off and my cum shot well over my head as I lay prone,I am getting hard now ready to pull my pud.

 

[ericahope]

I am 68 married twice to attractive women and have been a devoted wanker since the age of 11.I once got my second wife to finger her hairy cunt to orgasm then she tossed me off and my cum shot well over my head as I lay prone,I am getting hard now ready to pull my pud.

Thanks, I think.

 

[rosebud_6]

fantastic!

i absolutely loved your story! it showed me a little sneak preview of your life (if you were writing from experience) and i wanted to see more! i connected with what you wrote because it's quite similar to something that i would do!

may i request more of the same please?

 

[MiliktheRed]

Masturbation has a bad rap. With or without a partner it can be one ofthe most pleasurable acts possible for a human being. I love watching my lady finger herself to orgasm and I love for her to watch me stroke my cock until I shoot all over my belly. Even alone, I find masturbating to be highly satisfying. Hell themost intense orgasms of my life have mostly been self induced.
The one thing that makes sex with a partner superior is the mental aspect of giving pleasure and the knowledge that the person your with really wants you to share yourself with them, and to share themselves with you

 

[SevenOfSpade]

Wow

Woah, this is one hell of a nice story. I really like it where you describe the wetness, the heat between your tighs. It is a fantastic story. Let me digress, maybe you can write longer stories. It will be much aprreciated. Nonetheless, great story.

 

[ericahope]

Woah, this is one hell of a nice story. I really like it where you describe the wetness, the heat between your tighs. It is a fantastic story. Let me digress, maybe you can write longer stories. It will be much aprreciated. Nonetheless, great story.

Thanks Seven! And if you're interested, I have written longer stories. See below. Or did you mean longer stories involving masturbation? If so, I'll see what I can work on in the future

Also, be sure to vote if you like them! Again, thanks!

Erica

 

[elfin_odalisque]

erica, just found it. A beautiful piece of writing.

I thought at first it might have too much early stuff but the way you fanned the ember into a raging fire was exquisitely paced and well written.

Generally, I'm no fan of the second person as it puts me in the story, but here you handle it really well, clearly defining 'you' as a third person hubby and leaving all the focus on the first person narrative so I can emote with you. IMHO, only Imp and Glynndah have pulled it off so well.

Again, I usually avoid the Toys category because the stories read like a rubberware catalogue, and you beautifully downplay it by having , "my only sex toy... had since college" and the knowledge it was kept secret. With that you make the dildo a prop and not a feature in the erotic web you're spinning.

My SO read your story and said it made him feel his out-of-town mails were a bit sappy. He promises to improve.

Must have a bit of negative - I giggled at 'taught breasts' (My Girls learn nothing). On adverbs I'm not sure I go a bundle on "eagerly rub shampoo..." - wouldn't 'vigorously' work better?

Summary - a lovely piece of work that I thoroughly enjoyed and wish I could have written myself. Congrats.

Elle

 

[ericahope]

erica, just found it. A beautiful piece of writing.

I thought at first it might have too much early stuff but the way you fanned the ember into a raging fire was exquisitely paced and well written.

Generally, I'm no fan of the second person as it puts me in the story, but here you handle it really well, clearly defining 'you' as a third person hubby and leaving all the focus on the first person narrative so I can emote with you. IMHO, only Imp and Glynndah have pulled it off so well.

Again, I usually avoid the Toys category because the stories read like a rubberware catalogue, and you beautifully downplay it by having , "my only sex toy... had since college" and the knowledge it was kept secret. With that you make the dildo a prop and not a feature in the erotic web you're spinning.

My SO read your story and said it made him feel his out-of-town mails were a bit sappy. He promises to improve.

Must have a bit of negative - I giggled at 'taught breasts' (My Girls learn nothing). On adverbs I'm not sure I go a bundle on "eagerly rub shampoo..." - wouldn't 'vigorously' work better?

Summary - a lovely piece of work that I thoroughly enjoyed and wish I could have written myself. Congrats.

Elle

Aw, Ella, thanks so much for the response! I'm glad you approved of the pacing and that, in your mind, I managed to pull off writing in the first person about a second person.

It's also exciting to me that you had your "SO" read my story as well. I'm flattered and happy he liked it. He must be a swell guy

Again, thanks for taking the time to read it.

Erica

 

[elfin_odalisque]

you's

Aw, Ella, thanks so much for the response! I'm glad you approved of the pacing and that, in your mind, I managed to pull off writing in the first person about a second person.

It's also exciting to me that you had your "SO" read my story as well. I'm flattered and happy he liked it. He must be a swell guy

Again, thanks for taking the time to read it.

Erica

You's a great guy.

 

[rosebud_6]

Rocky Mountain Summers

this story is so hot! made me stay on the computer for so long that i forgot all about eating dinner tonight!