My Joke Contribution for Today

[Isolde]

When We Get Married ...
=======================

A couple is driving in the country. They have never had sex because
they are waiting until after they are married. This night it happens
to be raining really hard and the roads become dangerous. So they
stop at a motel.

"We would like two rooms," the man says.

"I'm sorry sir," answers the desk clerk, "but we have only one room
available. But it does have two twin beds."

The couple look at each other and shrug. "OK," says the man, "we'll
take the room."

So they go in the room and he goes to his bed and she goes to hers.
They turn out the lights and the woman says, "Honey, would you do me
a favor, and please get me another blanket?"

The man says, "I have a better idea. Why don't we pretend we're
married for fifteen minutes?"

She thinks for a moment and says, "Umm..OK."

So he says, "Get up and get your own damn blanket!"

 

[MysteryJKR]

you gonna have enough to post one everyday babe? either way i like em.

heres on i got in the mail today. aint great but its what came in my joke o' the day mail. hehe.

The Bush Years

Rated PG

Over 5,000 years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up
your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the
Promised Land."

Nearly 5,000 years later, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit
on your asses, and light up a Camel; this is the Promised Land!"

Now, Bush Jr. wants to steal your shovels, kick your asses, raise the
price of your Camels, and mortgage the Promised Land.

Bush Jr. also wants to change the Republican Party emblem from an
elephant to a condom, because it stands for inflation, protects a
bunch of pricks, halts production, and gives a false sense of
security while one is being screwed.

[Edited by MysteryJKR on 04-03-2001 at 09:35 PM]

 

[Isolde]

LOL...I love it!

 

[xelavie]

Great joke, didn't anticipate the punch line. But unlike Mystery JKR, I have no contribution. But on second thought, here's one from the streets of Manila.

An old couple in the fastfood was noticed by the manager. They had ordered a hamburger, just one, and the old man was just watching the old woman nibble on the burger. The kind-hearted manager, upon remembering that he had seen the couple many times in the same scenario, quickly asked one of his crew to give the couple a burger on the house. The couple was thankful, of course. But then the manager noticed that the free burger just lay idle in front of the husband while the wife continued eating the one they bought. And so the manager asked the husband why. The husband smiled and replied, "I'm waiting for my wife to finish eating, she's using the only set of dentures that we have."

Quite gross? Sorry but that's what I can afford for the moment.

 

[Samuari]

Before the demos killed off the real space program

We had found a palanet that had one life form, a Creature that squatted in the midist of a wide plane. Our intrepid explorers knew that it was alive from it's life signs, but try as they could they were unable to stimulate it in any way. Finally, one of the explorers said "God would not make a creature that just sat here and squated."

With a great rumbleing, the critter rose up o its hind legs, scratched his head, and said, "No he wouldn't." and squated back down.

The zenologist said, " Of course, it only stands to reason."

 

[MysteryJKR]

just in case.......

Isolde dont have a contribution for today. here is another joke, two.

Seminars For Men (Given by Females)

Rated R

1. Combating Stupidity

2. You, too, can do housework

3. PMS -- Learn when to keep your mouth shut

4. How to fill an ice tray

5. We do not want sleazy underthings for Christmas -- Give us money

6. Understanding the female response to your coming in drunk at
4:00a.m.


7. Wonderful laundry techniques (formerly titled, "Don't wash my
silks")

8. Parenting -- No, it doesn't end with conception

9. Get a life -- learn to cook

10. How not to act like an asshole when you're obviously wrong

11. Spelling -- Even you can get it right

12. Understanding your financial incompetence

13. You -- The Weaker Sex

14. Reasons to give flowers

15. How to stay awake after sex

A biker comes home from a long day on the road and says to his ole'
lady:

"Hey babe, I could sure use a little pussy."

She says, "I could too. Mine's as big as a bucket!"

[Edited by MysteryJKR on 04-04-2001 at 11:56 AM]

 

[willywanker]

Two old ladies were laying in bed. One turned over to the other and said "I'm going to be frank with you."

Second old lady replies, "No, you were Frank last night, I get to be Frank tonight!"

 

[Isolde]

LOL...just goes to prove what a warped sense of humor is present on this site. But I love it all.

 

[indyweasel]

And you are our Queen Isolde...

*kisses you hand*

 

[Isolde]

Indy, you are a doll. You recognize my unique though warped humor. Just for that you get to use the chocolate sauce today. *winks and licks lips*

 

[indyweasel]

Alright! being good does pay off every once in a while..

But first we need to get you out of the clothes

*slowly unbottons your blouse*

 

[MysteryJKR]

hey hey hey!! JOKE thread. hehe not sex thread. and since i aint gettin no loving i am putting my foot down! hehe.

 

[Isolde]

Umm..I ment on you and I get to lick it off. lol.

Slowly undoes buttons and slips out of the blouse before coming over and kissing you deeply.

Now why does all our threads end like this I wonder? *winks*

 

[indyweasel]

Sorry.. They actually expected me to work for a while.. Damn them!!

Joke thread to make JKR happy.

Nothing is more wasted than a smile on a girl with a
forty-inch bust.

Isolde -
Got me. But I'm not complaining.

 

[Isolde]

hey hey hey!! JOKE thread. hehe not sex thread. and since i aint gettin no loving i am putting my foot down! hehe.

Spoil sport! Now what do I do? I'm all undressed with no where to go!

 

[indyweasel]

Sorry sweetie.. I dont have time to get you taken careof properly. *kisses you on the lips*

Keep those thoughts in your head till I get back..