My incest story

[headoverheelsguy]

Hey there, any chance of some of you possibly reading my story and debating whether its worth investing time in another chapter or make a fresh start?

Thanks


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=412112

 

[MichelleP]

gah

i like how it's more realistic than most of the incest stories on this site but this is so wordy and unnatural. it's like you wrote it in the 1700's.

 

[headoverheelsguy]

gah

i like how it's more realistic than most of the incest stories on this site but this is so wordy and unnatural. it's like you wrote it in the 1700's.

I can see this being a major issue true, I was in a quirky mood when I wrote it.

Thanks for the feedback

 

[headoverheelsguy]

Any other opinions?

Thanks

 

[adamzapple]

Like the lady said, very wordy, and a lot of the words seemed dated, out of fashion, and some were missing, and there were a few mistakes.. but I don't see anything wrong with going your own way and trying to do things differently...

I couldn't help thinking you might have been reading something a bit hi-brow or literary before you wrote it.. and that sort of influenced the way you told the story.. Happens to me sometimes.

 

[LoveNotHate]

I was reading along until I got to "'Nay, my sister, I do not consider what we consent to do wrong...'" and laughed aloud. I've read enough.

Not really into incest stories... But anywho, the wording is waaaay too formal, especially the dialogue between these two "teenagers." Maybe if you changed the setting (read: time period), this would work a bit better. That wouldn't take much.
It just seems so unnatural; I can't take your story seriously.