my hucow story was just approved!!

[creative1772]

howdy howdy!

a while back, i was chatting with a fellow litster who inspired me with a prompt about a young woman who develops into a hucow in a medical setting.
it got a bit long (50k ish words) and it's definitely a niche fetish story.
but if that sounds like something you'd enjoy, i'd love for you to take a look and maybe give some feedback.

https://www.literotica.com/s/lilys-condition

thanks, and have a fantastic day!

 

[TheRedChamber]

It's a good story. It has its own character and thoroughly explores that aspect of the fetish. Some comments:

1) As you say, at 50k words and 11 chapters, its a bit long. I read it all, but did skim some sections very fast. There's a repeatativeness to the structure where the MC wakes up with varying degrees of horniness, goes to the clinic and then has a dream at night. On that basis, you probably could have edited it down to much the same things happening but within say 8 chapters and still hit all the major story beats.
2) Similarly I could have done with fewer dreams, but longer and more significant ones. Usually the dreams are just a couple of paragraphs at the end of each chapter and they're the sections that could have allowed the hucow fantasies to go really wild.
3) For it's length, I thought the ending was a bit abrupt. Its announced that they have a cure and she takes it. Although there was a bit of doubt I kind of expected there to be indecision about whether she was actually going to take it.
4) I'm mentioning this as an 'observation' rather than a criticism, but I found Lily to be a very passive character. Everyone is out to help her and so she doesn't really do much of anything herself. But then passivity is a characteristic of cows so perhaps its the intended effect.
5) There's an attempt to add some drama with the creepy principle, but it feels a bit underplayed - someone solves her problem for her 'off-screen' and then tells her about it.
6) There are quite a number of long talky sections and sometimes I felt we were being told about stuff happening rather than being shown it. Someone else sells Lily's milk for her, so we get told a lot about how the business is progressing, but don't really have any scenes of Lily getting involved with the business side.
7) It might have been nice for Lily to have had more of an outside life out of her treatments. There's stuff about her gym training at the beginning, but she doesn't have friends who she interacts with (and given her condition might want to avoid)

Overall though it was a good story which I enjoyed. Keep writing!

 

[AlinaX]

I started reading it, and will likely come back to it when I have time. The one thing that really stood out to me is you use lots of short sentences, and that stops the reader from being able to relax into the narrative. (Also, it's a bit contradictory to say she'd never thought about her breasts and then launch into a long thought process where you're clearly struggling to find different ways to say the same thing.)

Lily had never given her breasts much thought. Because, of course, there had never been much think about. As a girl, growing breasts had seemed like a rare benefit in the terrifying process of becoming a woman Unfortunately, after soldiering through puberty, Lily had wound up with nothing to show for it on her chest. Sometimes she wondered if her gymnastics training had stunted her development. But she had probably inherited her meager chest from her mother, who remained slim and flat to this day. Whatever the reason, Lily had grown to accept herself small endowment. Although, she sometimes felt slightly self-conscious at a competition while parading herself before the crowd in a skin tight leotard. But, whenever she looked at herself in the mirror, she ignored her meager buds to focus on the wonderful toned curves she had developed over years of training. She knew that boys might care about her chest, but she always had more important things to worry about than something as mundane as her tiny boobs.

Keep it simple.

Lily was not well endowed, which was something she had very mixed feelings about. (Her mother, likewise, remained slim and flat to this day.) As a gymnast there was some benefit in being flat-chested; but as a young woman, despite the wonderful toned curves she had developed over years of training, Lily sometimes felt slightly self-conscious at a competition while parading herself before the crowd in a skin tight leotard.

 

[djrip]

I would actually like to vote for the first passage. It sounds like an internal train of thought, including worry that she did this to herself with her training. The second is tighter for sure, but sounds to me like a summary, or less in the narrative voice, or something.

 

[jimmykav]

Congrats! Just love to read your stories!

 

[creative1772]

It's a good story. It has its own character and thoroughly explores that aspect of the fetish. Some comments:

1) As you say, at 50k words and 11 chapters, its a bit long. I read it all, but did skim some sections very fast. There's a repeatativeness to the structure where the MC wakes up with varying degrees of horniness, goes to the clinic and then has a dream at night. On that basis, you probably could have edited it down to much the same things happening but within say 8 chapters and still hit all the major story beats.
2) Similarly I could have done with fewer dreams, but longer and more significant ones. Usually the dreams are just a couple of paragraphs at the end of each chapter and they're the sections that could have allowed the hucow fantasies to go really wild.
3) For it's length, I thought the ending was a bit abrupt. Its announced that they have a cure and she takes it. Although there was a bit of doubt I kind of expected there to be indecision about whether she was actually going to take it.
4) I'm mentioning this as an 'observation' rather than a criticism, but I found Lily to be a very passive character. Everyone is out to help her and so she doesn't really do much of anything herself. But then passivity is a characteristic of cows so perhaps its the intended effect.
5) There's an attempt to add some drama with the creepy principle, but it feels a bit underplayed - someone solves her problem for her 'off-screen' and then tells her about it.
6) There are quite a number of long talky sections and sometimes I felt we were being told about stuff happening rather than being shown it. Someone else sells Lily's milk for her, so we get told a lot about how the business is progressing, but don't really have any scenes of Lily getting involved with the business side.
7) It might have been nice for Lily to have had more of an outside life out of her treatments. There's stuff about her gym training at the beginning, but she doesn't have friends who she interacts with (and given her condition might want to avoid)

Overall though it was a good story which I enjoyed. Keep writing!

thanks for the awesome feedback!

a lot of your points seem very obvious now that i'm hearing them, but i never would have picked up on them on my own.

i did some things on purpose, like making lily a passive character. i thought that would reflect her nature as a passive cow, but that might have been a bad idea in terms of making the story more engaging....

this was the first time i've written something then invested in going back and editing and polishing it. the task was daunting, especially the dialogue. i think i could do with more practice. the story got way out of hand and i think i might have been trying to do too much at once.

you've given me a lot to think about and some things to work towards in the next story

thanks again!

 

[creative1772]

I started reading it, and will likely come back to it when I have time. The one thing that really stood out to me is you use lots of short sentences, and that stops the reader from being able to relax into the narrative. (Also, it's a bit contradictory to say she'd never thought about her breasts and then launch into a long thought process where you're clearly struggling to find different ways to say the same thing.)



Keep it simple.

thanks for the feedback!
you're absolutely right

i found a lot of places where i was saying the same things in different ways and tried to polish them all up as i was revising
i think i might have bitten off more than i could chew with such a long story. maybe next time i should focus on quality over quantity

i appreciate your insights!

 

[AlinaX]

Long stories can get a little overwhelming from an editorial perspective. (If you think this is bad, you should see how quick it's possible to get sick of trying to edit interactive fiction.)

This kind of thing is something you'll learn to sense while you're actually writing, because editing later is a lot harder. If you're struggling to say something as an author, the reader will likely pick up on it on some level.

~ (finishing Part 1) ~
It's a fun story.