My horrible Sunday

[Painfull_tears]

I feel like a different person now. Like constantly asking myself "How could I let it get that far" or saying "I can't believe I almost let it happen again". I feel almost depressed about it. I cried at work today. I cried all night. I can't stop questioning my worth.

I mean when I told a friend this, she automatically took it to heart. (she wanted to date this loser) She said "What, do I have to be a slut before someone will want me?" and all I could think was "So you think I'm a slut?! What about ME!! I mean he could have raped me!! I could have a been seriously injured and you are pissed because he doesn't like you. Because he didn't fucking do it to YOU!!!!" I feel so alone in this. I feel lost.

I keep replaying the events in my mind, and I can't help but blame myself. But at the same time I say "I wasn't asking for it, I didn't do anything to show I wanted that" and I cry, yet I blame myself. I mean, I froze, I didn't know what to do. I let him touch me and hold me down. I couldn't stop him. I was scared. This is a pain I never wanted to feel again. It's an undescribable pain. It pains the heart and throbs. I wish it would go away. I'm telling you this, because those of you who know the pain of rape, Know how I feel.

 

[DarlingPen]

i never ceased to be amazed at the kind of asshole that are on this world.maybe i'm just too nice a guy to see how forcing a girl..(or woman)...would seem pleasurable.i find it sick and twisted.i feel any man who has ever tried...yet alone actually done it...should be put through the worst torture imaginable...including castration with a dull,wooden spoon.


if anyone here is offended by what i said...i don't give a fuck...i'm sorry,but this is the way i see this.

 

[Bindii]

Tell your friend to fuck off.

Pm me if you want. I know your pain.

 

[peachykeen]

been there

hey listen a couple months ago I went to hear Deepak Chopra speak and one of the things he said hit me like bolt of lightening. He was talking about the fact that every cell in our body regenerates and that within 6-8 years every cell of your body is new. Now he was usingit in the context of rape but as I was molested as a young teenager it hit me that the person who did that to me (may he rot in hell, forever and ever, amen) NEVER TOUCHED THIS BODY because every cell in this body is now entirely new at least twice over since that happened.

I know that might not be much comfort while this experience is still so new but store it away in the back of your mind, it sure brightened up my day.

 

[sufisaint]

My heart goes out to you....you have been through something horrible that is not your fault.....there are some really sick, twisted selfish people out there and unfurnately you cannot avoid contact with them without living a free life. What you need to do is talk to counselor or someone who works with rape victims... Your not alone... I would say just remember that although you cannot stop someone from hurting your body, your heart and soul is yours and yours alone, noone can touch that unless you let them. Try the best you can to take care of yourself, heal and then go on living your life..