my girlfriend needs your help.

[alice_underneath]

The point is she wants to have this control but is not able to maintain it without some basis. otherwise she just feels embarrassed.

Hi, nex883.

One thing you might want to consider is the possibility that she is having a negative reaction to the idea of you in a submissive role.

I do not mean to be disrespectful to switches or male subs. This has NOTHING to do with respect or regard for someone as a human being. It is just a question of individual sexual preference.

For me, seeing my partner in a submissive role would have a rapid, and very strong, negative impact on my level of sexual arousal.

You might want to talk to her about this, and make sure that's not what is going on.

If it is, then I suggest you take Joe's advice: "stop switching and dominate the girl."

Just a thought,
Alice

 

[MasterChad]

Well being this is my first post here, it is extremely wonderful to see a place with GREAT advice. After reading through these replies to your original question, they are right on the money. TYPICALLY, the female's naturistic side is that of a submissive. This is not always the case, nor is it always true. Many people try to play the dominant role in a relationship but have no knowledge of what to do or when to do it. Being a DOM or a submissive is not just about what you do in the bedroom or during the play. It is about understanding your partners biggest dreams, desires, fantasies, AND boundaries. Just because you have a crop in your hand or a crucifix in your basement, does not mean you are a DOM. Having knowledge of a D/s relationship, understanding your partners wants and boundaries can and usually makes all the difference in the world. Being a DOM isn't all about beating the ever living shit out of someone all the time. There's alot to being in a D/s relationship. One thing I didn't see mentioned and I think it was the only one, is the aftercare given by a DOM to the sub after play. Which in MY experience, will make or break the D/s relationship. My advice is to sit down with each other and not only discuss what everyone else has said, but to discuss what are BOTH of your boundaries. Being a switch is more difficult then being either a DOM or a sub. You have to be able to change your mindset and allow yourself to switch from one to the other and that is NOT an easy thing to do. Learning either from a training DOM or a sub trainer would help tremendously in each of you achieving your personal goals as well as your goals as a couple. Just keep in mind, not everyone can do it. And it does seem she is a sub by nature and that would be what you should focus on. Aftercare is huge, be sure she is safe, you have a red word *an automatic stop word* if it becomes to much, and enjoy!

M.C.

 

[shy slave]

Well being this is my first post here, it is extremely wonderful to see a place with GREAT advice. After reading through these replies to your original question, they are right on the money. TYPICALLY, the female's naturistic side is that of a submissive. This is not always the case, nor is it always true. Many people try to play the dominant role in a relationship but have no knowledge of what to do or when to do it. Being a DOM or a submissive is not just about what you do in the bedroom or during the play. It is about understanding your partners biggest dreams, desires, fantasies, AND boundaries. Just because you have a crop in your hand or a crucifix in your basement, does not mean you are a DOM. Having knowledge of a D/s relationship, understanding your partners wants and boundaries can and usually makes all the difference in the world. Being a DOM isn't all about beating the ever living shit out of someone all the time. There's alot to being in a D/s relationship. One thing I didn't see mentioned and I think it was the only one, is the aftercare given by a DOM to the sub after play. Which in MY experience, will make or break the D/s relationship. My advice is to sit down with each other and not only discuss what everyone else has said, but to discuss what are BOTH of your boundaries. Being a switch is more difficult then being either a DOM or a sub. You have to be able to change your mindset and allow yourself to switch from one to the other and that is NOT an easy thing to do. Learning either from a training DOM or a sub trainer would help tremendously in each of you achieving your personal goals as well as your goals as a couple. Just keep in mind, not everyone can do it. And it does seem she is a sub by nature and that would be what you should focus on. Aftercare is huge, be sure she is safe, you have a red word *an automatic stop word* if it becomes to much, and enjoy!

M.C.

An interesting first post.

I disagree on so many levels with this point

"TYPICALLY, the female's naturistic side is that of a submissive"

However I am not interested in starting any form of debate about it.


Your right about aftercare making or breaking a relationship.

I am not alone in disliking it, especially after a beating, if you even attempt it, you will discover I have a temper far bigger than my own height.

I am also confused about your suggestion that she has a stop word. The main premise of this thread is about helping his girl friend be a Domme, I am now aware Dommes have a stop word.

 

[Rrrosyn]

TYPICALLY, the female's naturistic side is that of a submissive. This is not always the case, nor is it always true.

I love that you made a statement with the knowledge that it isn't always true. And that you said so. Only quoting so I can say this in context:

Personally, I love being nurturing. How can a man need a woman more than right after she's spanked, flogged, slapped, and humiliated him? I love aftercare because it is my nurturing side coming out. *snickers*

 

[MasterChad]

An interesting first post.


I am also confused about your suggestion that she has a stop word. The main premise of this thread is about helping his girl friend be a Domme, I am now aware Dommes have a stop word.

If you read through the post again you will see that I said boundaries AND a stop word is needed. I said she seemed to be that of a submissive. In neither case, did I say it was for the DOM, I said in a D/s relationship there should always be a stop word. Contrary to many's popular belief the DOM is not the one in control. It appears that way, but it's not the case. The sub is who sets the limits and boundaries, it's the sub to call their red word to stop all actions. It really depends on what form of DOM'ing one is into. Some forms believe highly in aftercare and focus on it. Others, believe aftercare is worthless. Either way, everyone is different in such aspects and everyone has their ways that gives them the highest level of arousement, pleasure and servitude. And if you researche through medical and scientific studies, yes, the female will normally have submissive traits. Not saying every woman is a sub, but it is a proven psychological fact that women usually are more drawn to the submissive side rather then the domina side. But everyone has their own opinions and that is respected in both manners.

M.C.

 

[bulldogbenjammi]

hi

hi

and what help are you after exactly

whip me

 

[easyfukorla]

switching

Hi ,
We've tried switching , even though orla is a deffinate sub, it seems to work best after Ive been dom in a session with her and made her go public ( web cam , on yahoo or dating sites ) this gives her the fuel to be dom , but I can still break the "spell" very easily . Hope this helps. Contact us on easyfukorla@yahoo.com - we coulld cam together and let the girls play .
Fz and Orla

 

[Ma Petite]

she does sound like a sub

She does sound like a sub, but perhaps she is simply a dom with out direction for fear of her own potential for personal reasons. If you would like, i would be happy to help you out with a story. I'll have to get to know some of your likes and dislikes, but i love to write custom stories for others. Especially to help out. It may turn out she is a complete sub (which if you have to direct her more then a time or two would pretty much indicate she is) but i bet, if she is a switch, or a even a dom, she will pick up on what to do really really quick and let her own imagination go. Send me a P. message or I.M. me. I have msn and yahoo, just let me know what you use.

 

[AvaAdore]

I can be like that. I am mostly submissive, but I do enjoy switching. I don't feel that being dominant comes naturally. I feel awkward about things, even though in my mind I want to do it.

Lately I've been thinking that I've been going about it the wrong way entirely. Rather than try to act out a role, perhaps just acting naturally is the best way. Who cares if I'm not fitting some image of how I think I'm supposed to act.

 

[Rrrosyn]

I can be like that. I am mostly submissive, but I do enjoy switching. I don't feel that being dominant comes naturally. I feel awkward about things, even though in my mind I want to do it.

Lately I've been thinking that I've been going about it the wrong way entirely. Rather than try to act out a role, perhaps just acting naturally is the best way. Who cares if I'm not fitting some image of how I think I'm supposed to act.

I agree. Similar. I am just j's Domme in the bedroom. I more a bossy demanding wife in the household. Things are just done my way with no arguing. But in the real world among other people I am shy, have poor self-image (I call it accurate self-image) and would come off as very submissive. Just get me into a relationship and all that changes.

We even have a no yelling at me rule because people who raise their voices make me cringe. I'll yell back sometimes, but once they hit a certain level of sound and aggression I start to expect the hitting and cringe. (Bad experiences. CPTSD/ PDSD)

 

[FurryFury]

<snip>We even have a no yelling at me rule because people who raise their voices make me cringe. I'll yell back sometimes, but once they hit a certain level of sound and aggression I start to expect the hitting and cringe. (Bad experiences. CPTSD/ PDSD)

I know just what you mean about the yelling.

I am that way too.

However no one would ever suspect I was submissive (I certainly didn't.) or very shy, when I'm on the job or in most public venues. I'm the girl that makes things happen, makes the plans and makes folks want to be there.

Fury

 

[Rrrosyn]

I know just what you mean about the yelling.

I am that way too.

However no one would ever suspect I was submissive (I certainly didn't.) or very shy, when I'm on the job or in most public venues. I'm the girl that makes things happen, makes the plans and makes folks want to be there.

Fury

Ooooo. It's like looking into a mirror world and you're my opposite self! LOL

 

[FurryFury]

Ooooo. It's like looking into a mirror world and you're my opposite self! LOL

*snickers*

Too cool!

Fury

 

[mrJohnJones]

Hmmmmmm....

A LOT said in this forum, and lot of good advice. Can't add much more to it.

Just want to mention, I consider myself more a D/s type of person that BDSM. Sorry to those who don't differentiate and take offense already. It's just me.


But to explain, I had a Domme that asked me to switch for a particular activity. I was ready for this, and she changed her mind; I think because she didn't want to show weakness.

I've said this before in some distant forum... I could switch for non-violent activities, such as T&D which the Domme in question requested. But due to my non-violent nature toward women, I couldn't switch for flogging or any other close semblance thereof.

I guess, what I'm saying, is like others have said. Make sure she understands what you want and it is not outside her nature (or willingness) to do.

I think it would do more damage than good to force me to do something that is so against my very nature.

That's really all I have to say.

*Ducks and runs for cover from the ensuing flame posts for the D/s BDSM statement*

Phil

 

[mrJohnJones]

Ah! THERE'S one!

I can be like that. I am mostly submissive, but I do enjoy switching. I don't feel that being dominant comes naturally. I feel awkward about things, even though in my mind I want to do it.

Lately I've been thinking that I've been going about it the wrong way entirely. Rather than try to act out a role, perhaps just acting naturally is the best way. Who cares if I'm not fitting some image of how I think I'm supposed to act.

Hi, AvaAdore!

I've made reference in forums that switches use to scare me at clubs/munches. Not because it didn't wind up being fun in the long run, but they always sprung on me when I didn't expect it.

Mind you, I'm talking about those I knew as subs for a while, so when they switched, it was usually so perfectly timed, that I was already in the trap before I knew I was. I think sometimes that made switches a little scarier than Dommes... al least with Dommes, I KNEW it was eventualy coming.

Sorry, your post just brought a wash of memories back. Had to say something!

Nice to meet you, by the way!



Phil

 

[mrJohnJones]

Hihi!

*snickers*

Too cool!

Fury

Just had to rattle the cage and say hi, fury!



Phil

 

[Symoira Dixx]

Been there..

we were not looking for a script to follow verbatim. more a situation that we could envisage enforced reality. I'm not sure this appeal has conveyed my true question

had trouble with it too... I have alway been a slave never had the desire to be anything else.. until i was put into it by my now x boyfriend. and it took time for me to release that hidden part of me... and when i did i enjoyed it with him not because i liked it but because it pleased him... and thats how i had to look at it.. just another command given by my master... just take your time and help her gain the experience...