my first

[nightmistress]

this is my first poem post on the poetry board here, so bear with me.

Nothing
by Vixen (c) 2004

On the edge of sanity
At a loss for all reason
I take a look and wonder why
My heart let itself falter
You see I usually know better
Then to rush into things
But my emotions blind me
To the truth
And I charge in aimlessly
I guess I'm as much to blame
I didn't mean to frighten you
I just lost control
And for that I'll pay
Quiet heavily
You backed out
Of the words you've spoken
So tenderly
Leaving me
With nothing
Nothing at all
Something less than I hoped for
Nothing more than what I started with
All just a hurtful fame
Just another turn of the page
Another chapter
Written in crimson regret
After all I gave my heart
You gave it back
In shreads
And even after all of this
My love remains
And I still have
Nothing
Something less to gain
All I have is my pain... it's nothing
I have nothing
Therefore I am
Nothing

 

[WickedEve]

I think the main thing I want to discuss is overused, trite, cliché phrases. First, don't think I'm going to be mean and say something horrible about your poem. I'm not. This is a problem that many novice poets have--and even less novice poets.

Here are a few lines from your poem:
edge of sanity
blind me to the truth
rush into things
I gave my heart
for that I'll pay

These words were put together into phrases long before you or I started writing poetry. They are not unique, but they can be used, if you use them in a fresh way. I'd be careful putting so many of these kinds of phrases in one poem. I know clichés can sneak up on you, because they have become so comfortable. Many people speak in clichés phrases the same way they use "a" and "the." But the more you read and write poetry, you'll begin to realize how unoriginal it can make your poem seem.

 

[WickedEve]

Once again, I forgot to mention what I like about the poem.

This part is good:
Just another turn of the page
Another chapter
Written in crimson regret

I know there are phrases, like "closing another chapter on___" and other variations of phrases using chapters and pages. But I think you made this interesting. Crimson regret is nice.

 

[nightmistress]

I don't mean for this to sound rude, but I'm not a novice poet. I've been published twice. This is just the first poem I've dared to share with the board. thanks for your pointers though.

 

[WickedEve]

If you don't mind me asking, where have you been published? Was it this poem?

 

[nightmistress]

I was published in an anthology by the International Library of Poetry and no it wasn't this poem. I just wrote this one last night.

 

[WickedEve]

I was published in an anthology by the International Library of Poetry and no it wasn't this poem. I just wrote this one last night.

That's nice. That's where I thought you were published. Well, congrats.

 

[nightmistress]

thanks

 

[Christina O. Leigh]

Yes, congrats, nightmistress!

I thought you're poem was good. I was definitely drawn in to your piece and felt the pain. Sometimes, it's hard not to go on on when we have so much to say.

Cheers!
Christina

 

[nightmistress]

Yes, congrats, nightmistress!

I thought you're poem was good. I was definitely drawn in to your piece and felt the pain. Sometimes, it's hard not to go on on when we have so much to say.

Cheers!
Christina

thanks.

 

[tarablackwood22]

I was published in an anthology by the International Library of Poetry and no it wasn't this poem. I just wrote this one last night.

Nightmistress,

The International Library of Poetry is part of a scam network. It would be wise to stay away.

I think the main thing I want to discuss is overused, trite, cliché phrases. First, don't think I'm going to be mean and say something horrible about your poem. I'm not. This is a problem that many novice poets have--and even less novice poets.

Here are a few lines from your poem:
edge of sanity
blind me to the truth
rush into things
I gave my heart
for that I'll pay

These words were put together into phrases long before you or I started writing poetry. They are not unique, but they can be used, if you use them in a fresh way. I'd be careful putting so many of these kinds of phrases in one poem. I know clichés can sneak up on you, because they have become so comfortable. Many people speak in clichés phrases the same way they use "a" and "the." But the more you read and write poetry, you'll begin to realize how unoriginal it can make your poem seem.

I had the same reaction Eve describes in reading your poem.

I think her advice is very sound.

 

[nightmistress]

I found out a little too late that it is a scam. But that doesn't change anything. I'm still a published poet. I have been writing poerty since I was 13. While I'm not an expert, I'm far from being a novice.

 

[Christina O. Leigh]

Oh, that's such a shame, nightmistress!
I'm so sorry!

I hate it when people get your hopes up and let you down.
Hugs, Chris

 

[nightmistress]

Oh, that's such a shame, nightmistress!
I'm so sorry!

I hate it when people get your hopes up and let you down.
Hugs, Chris

yeah it sucks, but you deal. Thanks for caring though

 

[tarablackwood22]

I found out a little too late that it is a scam. But that doesn't change anything. I'm still a published poet. I have been writing poerty since I was 13. While I'm not an expert, I'm far from being a novice.

OK.

That doesn't make the phrases in the poem any fresher. I assumed by putting it on the board, you wanted honest reaction.

That is what I gave you.

 

[nightmistress]

OK.

That doesn't make the phrases in the poem any fresher. I assumed by putting it on the board, you wanted honest reaction.

That is what I gave you.

I understand that. I just wrote it out of my pain. I don't expect it to be perfect, that's not what I'm going for. I'm going for something that can show how much pain I was put through. This is only a first draft. I'll probably edit it later.

 

[WickedEve]

I found out a little too late that it is a scam. But that doesn't change anything. I'm still a published poet. I have been writing poerty since I was 13. While I'm not an expert, I'm far from being a novice.

I think you misunderstood me earlier. I wasn't calling you a novice. I said that it happens to novice and not so novice poets. I've had cliches sneak up on me too, and I don't think of myself as a novice.
It's fine to be proud of being published, but this group will publish any poem out there. Your goal as a poet (and this goes for all of us) is to be a better poet. It does matter how long you've written poetry. You need to learn more, as many of us do. There is no shame in that. I do know you may be offended because of what I'm saying. But I am trying to offer you some constructive comments. You have the potential to be good, and to be published somewhere legitimate. I hope you stay on the board and work on your poetry along with the rest of us. You're welcome here.

 

[nightmistress]

I know that they will publish anything out there, they took on of my exs poems and published it and he wasn't so good. But while being pusblished, I got an award for the one I wrote. That's why I was so proud. I intend to publish a whole book of poetry someday. I know I have a lot of work to do in the meantime, but that's what poetry is all about. Growing through the expression of words. And thank you for making me welcome here. As a poet and a goth, it's hard to fit in anywhere.

 

[WickedEve]

I know that they will publish anything out there, they took on of my exs poems and published it and he wasn't so good. But while being pusblished, I got an award for the one I wrote. That's why I was so proud. I intend to publish a whole book of poetry someday. I know I have a lot of work to do in the meantime, but that's what poetry is all about. Growing through the expression of words. And thank you for making me welcome here. As a poet and a goth, it's hard to fit in anywhere.

Ah! A poet with some sense and a goal. Good. I bet you'll definitely grow. And one day you'll have that book. Put me on the order list.

 

[nightmistress]

will do