My first time ... be gentle with me

[strokin951]

OK - you don't have to be too gentle. Maybe I like it rough!
But, please check out my first posted story and post feedback. Thanks.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=181663

 

[NoJo]

Several years ago, immediately after college, I went to work on a North Sea oil rig as a macho right of passage, before settling into the real world. The life was mostly what it is portrayed to be: Hard work, long days, tough weather and larger than life, hairy-assed guys. There were no women on the rigs at that time; there are now, so I am told. Everything was very macho, and any hint of non-heterosexual tendency met with enough cruel treatment that the poor victims quit in disgrace. It happened to one guy I knew of. Someone broke into his locker and reputedly found a vibrator. They backed him a cake in the shape of a cock and balls, added wires, batteries and whipped cream, and presented it to him while he was eating dinner in a crowded mess-hall. The poor bastard never lived it down. And the subsequent teasing caused him to quit.


Interesting, semi-true, semi- ...fantasy? Not sure, but it seems an implausable amount of effort to go through to bake the cake.

Now: If you want to make it true-to-life (or, better, draw on personal experience), then don't start with saying you did it "as a macho rite of passage. " Let's know why you REALLY did it. Hey, not many of us get to work on oil rigs. I knew a guy once who did it, and I was really interested in his story. So will most readers be, if you give us some insight.

Of course, I imagine it's a great place to meet guys, so maybe that's what was behind it -- like the navy. But whatever the reason, "as a macho rite of passage." is glib and begs a lot of questions.

Don't use "macho" twice in the first para.

"non-heterosexual" -- there has to be another word you could use here.

"baked" him a cake.

Okay, what we have here is [straight? queer? closet?] guy goes to work on an oil rig [to score? self-denial?] which is full of homophobes [or are they?]

That's a great start to a story, with lots of potential conflicts. Sort them out, and make the first paragraph stronger.

Joe.

 

[strokin951]

Interesting, semi-true, semi- ...fantasy? Not sure, but it seems an implausable amount of effort to go through to bake the cake.

First half is largely true, the second half pure fantasy. Actually, the cake-baking bit is one of the true elements. Yeah, I did mis-spell baked.

But whatever the reason, "as a macho rite of passage." is glib and begs a lot of questions.

It really was. Maybe 'sense of adventure' would be better. I wanted to work on the Alyeska pipeline (shades of Jack London) but couldn't pull it off, so the NS oilfield was 2nd choice.

Okay, what we have here is [straight? queer? closet?] guy goes to work on an oil rig [to score? self-denial?] which is full of homophobes [or are they?]

Yep. They're homophobes (though I dislike that word because I think, etymologically, it means a fear of people, not a dislike of homosexuals). For instance, one of the real-life instigators of the cake-baking claimed to be a Sergeant-at-Arms for an outlaw motorcylce gang, who ran whores as a second income. He later died by falling off an hotel balcony in a chemically enhanced state of mind. True.

That's a great start to a story, with lots of potential conflicts. Sort them out, and make the first paragraph stronger.

Thanks for the insight, Joe. I'll try that. Don't think I'll re-write this one though. I'll bear your points in mind for future stories. Thanks.