My first submission - Feedback and/or sequel suggestions?

[AfternoonStu]

Hello all.

I'm not new to Literotica, but it was only a few days ago that I decided to submit a story of my own. It was based on an idea that I've had brewing for some time, and so far the reactions have been better that could have ever imagined!

Some have asked for a sequel, and although I do have a few more ideas waiting to materialise, I'd really love to hear some suggestions or comments from other people before I begin.

The story is called "Happy Birthday, Mrs. Freemont!" and is located in the Mature section. Direct link: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=160988

Feedback - positive as well as negative - is very much welcome! As for the possible sequel: Any ideas for locations, settings, situations etc? The first story had quite a few accessories, such as pearls and satin lingerie. Any comments/ideas on that? Is there something else in the way of clothing or jewelry that could add to the mood and atmosphere?

Anything - I'd love to hear your thoughts on this! Thanks in advance!

 

[vargas111]

Are you replying to those who comment?

 

[flawed_ethics]

It's a good story. it does the Mature section justice.

My one major complaint: the italics! As one of the public comments says, that's what quotes are for. Seeing italics gives the impression that the speech is from some other time frame. At first this went with my image in reading the story, as if it were the narrator's flashback as to how he ended up where he was later in the story. As the band proceeded to set up and it became evident this was no flashback, it simply became weird.

Otherwise, as I said, pretty good. You didn't fixate on her dimensions, and the characters seemed believable. As for a sequel, I don't see the need for one (despite the various plotlines that could be written). Then again, I'm not one to speak.

Keep writing though. It's good stuff.

 

[AfternoonStu]

vargas111: If you post your comments in this forum, I will most definately reply!

flawed_ethics: Thanks for your comments! With hindsight, I must say that I agree with you (and other commenters) that the italics are out of place. Not sure why I used them that way, but now that I look at it, it really doesn't work. Oh well, "learning by doing", as they say. Dialogue will not be italicised in my future writings...

As for the sequel issue, I haven't decided yet. There is a half-finished continuation saved on my computer, but I'm not sure if I will finish it, let alone submit it. It depends a bit on what kind of demand there is, I guess...