my first story

[pezal78]

tried to subbmit it 3 times i am dyslexic told them that can someone please tell me whats wrong with it htank you

Hi I was what you called a late bloomer well actually it was a strict upbringing anyway. It all started one lovely wet Scottish spring Thursday. I went to meet my brother after his work.

When I arrived early as usual. Dave introduced me to a few of his mates being single and still a virgin at 20 I was quite shy, he went round them one by one when he got to Jon I didn't know were to look he was 6' at least muscular build shaven head god he was just my type. We decided to get some drink from the shop and take a wonder down the nearest park for shelter. My brother and the rest of his mates all chased after a skinny girl they knew through the park. I being quit large was feeling a bit down as I knew they all fancied that instead of a fat thing like me.

To my surprise Jon had stayed with me I joked "don't you fancied your chances with her, bet you could get any woman you wanted" I hid my face when I realised what I had said. Jon. took my hand and said

"but Amy it’s you I want not that"

I looked at him in disbelief couldn't believe what he had said the next thing I knew he was walking me under a bridge and up some woods it was now pouring of rain I was soaked through and not just my clothes my pussy was drenched I'd never felt like this before I’d never been this wet in my life.

Jon. pulled me up against a tree kissed me slow and hard I thought I was going to explode right there in my pants. I could feel him getting harder in his jeans pressing against my hips oh I felt like I was in heaven. Instinct took over. I put my hand on his jeans rubbing up against the fabric. He was so big. He moved my hand with his and unzipped his jeans I let out a low moan as his raging hardon flew into the open. I’d never seen one let alone touch it.

I nervously placed my hands on it feeling it up and down moving his foreskin back and forth it looked so tasty as the precum dripped down. I licked my lips when he saw this he said

"go ahead kiss it taste it "

So I bent down it was right up at my face. I stuck my tongue out and licked the precum from the tip. mmmmmmmmmmmmm it tasted so good I wanted more I was hooked. I took it slowly in my mouth inch by inch till I had the whole 8" in my mouth I worked slowly at first then I got faster and faster it was strange it was twitching in my mouth I didn't care I wanted it all

I felt him cumming I took a deep breath and drank it all it tasted funny but I got used to it. I squeezed his ball sacks with my free hand to get it all form him oh god it was wonderful. I got up with it still in my hands I kept stroking it while he kissed me. I thought it weird because I still had some cum on my mouth but he told me it was ok cause he liked it he was getting hard again I could feel it as we kissed harder the strokes got faster mmmmmmmmm I moaned in his mouth. I could feel his hands running up my leg I got all excited didn't know what he was up to.

Suddenly I could feel his hands up my skirt and hooking my pants in one move, and he had his fingers in my soaking pussy. I’d already cum earlier when he erupted in my mouth I thought it was strange I was tingling all over as he thrust 2 fingers in my tight hole, with his fingers still in my pussy he laid me on the ground. fucking me fast with his fingers I was still stroking his cock I could feel he was ready to cum I whispered
"Can I have it in my mouth again?"
He looked at me and smiled " you love it, don't you" he laughed when I nodded.

He turned around now pounding me with3 fingers I was ready to explode three more strokes and he squirted cum all over my face completely missing my mouth the last 2 squirts landed on my lips I hungrily licked it up mmm it was good. Suddenly my body was stiffening up. I thought I was going to burst, my hips came up to meet his hand as my cum came flooding from my pussy. Jon got between my legs and lapped it all up, mmm his tongue felt good there. Without warning I came again harder than before my whole body shaken.

When Jon was finished cleaning me up, he came up to my face looked at me and gave me an evil smile then he licked my face clean and kissed me slow and soft I could taste myself on his lips mmm I thought very sweet. Once my body had come down after the last orgasm Jon helped me up and we sorted our selves and headed back to meet the others.

Dave looked at us and said where the hell have you to fuckers been. Jon and I looked at each other and laughed. we said in unison " we've been for something to eat"

Dave looked puzzled but never said anything. when we parted Jon said to me same time next week and winked.

On the bus home I got a text from him it said " NEXT TIME WE’LL SHOW THAT PUSSY WHAT IT'S BEEN MISSING ALL THESE YEARS" I laughed

Later that night I had the biggest orgasm I’d ever had on my own. I though I can’t wait till he fucks me that's when I knew he'd be my first.

And that is another story if you want it that is x

 

[bronzeage]

hello Pezal, what was the reason given for the rejection?

 

[pezal78]

say its too short and too quick

 

[Alessia Brio]

... can someone please tell me whats wrong with it htank you

Perhaps you simply chose the wrong category. I found it highly entertaining.

 

[angelicminx]

tried to subbmit it 3 times i am dyslexic told them that can someone please tell me whats wrong with it htank you

Hi pezal and welcome to the AH.

I don't know about too short or too quick, but I can see you need an editor. I haven't read it yet, but the fact that Alessia Brio "found it entertaining" speaks volumes about the story's potential. I'll look it over, if you'd like, or I'm sure someone else would be willing to help.

 

[angelicminx]

Minor proofread:


Hi. I was what you called a late bloomer. Well, actually, it was a strict upbringing. Anyway, it all started one lovely, wet, Scottish Spring Thursday when I went to meet my brother, Dave, after he got off work.

When I arrived, early as usual, Dave introduced me to a few of his mates. Being single and still a virgin at 20 I was quite shy. He went round them one by one. When he got to Jon I didn't know were to look. He was at least six-foot, muscular build and shaven head. God, he was just my type. We decided to get some drinks from the shop and take a wander down to the nearest park for shelter. My brother and the rest of his mates all chased after a skinny girl they knew through the park. I, being quite large, was feeling a bit down, as I knew they all fancied that instead of a fat thing like me.

To my surprise, Jon had stayed with me. I joked, "Don't you fancy your chances with her? I bet you could get any woman you wanted." I hid my face when I realized what I had said.

Jon took my hand and said, "But Amy, it’s you I want not that."

I looked at him in disbelief. I couldn't believe what he had said. The next thing I knew, he was walking me under a bridge and up to some woods. It was now pouring rain. I was soaked through, and not just my clothes. My pussy was drenched. I'd never felt like this before; I’d never been this wet in my life.

Jon pulled me up against a tree and kissed me slow and hard. I thought I was going to explode right there in my pants. I could feel him getting harder in his jeans, pressing against my hips. Oh, I felt like I was in heaven. Instinct took over. I put my hand on his jeans, rubbing up against the fabric. He was so big. He moved my hand with his and unzipped his jeans. I let out a low moan as his raging hard on flew into the open. I’d never seen one, let alone touched it.

I nervously placed my hands on it, feeling it up and down, moving his foreskin back and forth. It looked so tasty as the precum dripped down. I licked my lips. When he saw this he said, "Go ahead kiss it; taste it."

So I bent down. It was right up at my face. I stuck my tongue out and licked the precum from the tip. Mmm. It tasted so good I wanted more. I was hooked. I took it slowly in my mouth, inch by inch, until I had the whole eight inches in my mouth. I worked slowly at first, then I got faster and faster. It was strange; it was twitching in my mouth. I didn't care. I wanted it all.

I felt him cumming. I took a deep breath and drank it all. It tasted funny, but I got used to it. I squeezed his ball sacks with my free hand to get it all from him. Oh God, it was wonderful. I got up with it still in my hands. I kept stroking it while he kissed me. I thought it weird because I still had some cum on my mouth, but he told me it was okay, because he liked it. He was getting hard again. I could feel it. As we kissed harder, the strokes got faster. Mmm, I moaned in his mouth. I could feel his hands running up my leg. I got all excited. I didn't know what he was up to.

Suddenly I could feel his hands up my skirt, hooking my panties in one move. He had his fingers in my soaking pussy. I’d already cum earlier when he erupted in my mouth. I thought it was strange. I was tingling all over as he thrust two fingers in my tight hole. With his fingers still in my pussy, he laid me on the ground, fucking me fast with his fingers. I was still stroking his cock. I could feel he was ready to cum.

I whispered, "Can I have it in my mouth again?"

He looked at me and smiled. "You love it, don't you?" He laughed when I nodded.

He turned around, now pounding me with three fingers. I was ready to explode. Three more strokes and he squirted cum all over my face, completely missing my mouth. The last two squirts landed on my lips. I hungrily licked it up. Mmm, it was good. Suddenly my body was stiffening up. I thought I was going to burst. My hips came up to meet his hand as my cum came flooding from my pussy. Jon got between my legs and lapped it all up. Mmm, his tongue felt good there. Without warning I came again, harder than before, my whole body shaking.

When Jon was finished cleaning me up, he came up to my face, looked at me, and gave me an evil smile. Then he licked my face clean and kissed me slow and soft. I could taste myself on his lips. Mmm, I thought, very sweet. Once my body had come down after the last orgasm Jon helped me up. We sorted ourselves and headed back to meet the others.

Dave looked at us and said, “Where the hell have you to fuckers been?”

Jon and I looked at each other and laughed. We said, in unison, "We went for something to eat."

Dave looked puzzled but never said anything.

When we parted Jon said to me, “Same time next week?” Then he winked.

On the bus home I got a text from him. It said, "NEXT TIME WE’LL SHOW THAT PUSSY WHAT IT'S BEEN MISSING ALL THESE YEARS." I laughed.

Later that night I had the biggest orgasm I’d ever had on my own. I thought, “I can’t wait till he fucks me.” That's when I knew he'd be my first.

And that is another story, if you want it that is. X

 

[cloudy]

Just glancing at it, it looks way short of the required 750 words.

eta: oops, no it isn't, sorry.

(I would take out all the "mmmmmmmmm," etc., and the capitals you've used for emphasis)

 

[Dr_Strabismus]

It's 1,014.


Your puncuation and spelling are probably the problem.

Thank AngelMinx profusely, possibly buy her a bottle of wine or some Belgian chocolate, and then try submitting her version.

 

[pezal78]

thanks for all your help x

 

[pezal78]

need help again

still not been submittedhad aneditor look at it and after my alterations looks fine but still was rjected

Hi, I was what you called a late bloomer. Well, actually it was a strict upbringing. My father grew up in a house full of women and his father believed girls stayed girls till they were married. So sex before marriage was forbidden. My father adopted the same passion. My sister was married with her first child on the way. I was still single and being large never thought I would find anyone. For my brother was different he could go out and fuck anybody he liked long as he never got them pregnant.

Then one lovely wet Scottish spring Thursday, I went to meet my brother after his work. When I arrived early as usual, Dave introduced me to a few of his mates. Being single and still a virgin at twenty, I was quite shy. He went round them one by one. When he got to Jon I didn't know were to look. He was six feet tall, at least, muscular build , shaven head. God, he was just my type. We decided to get some alcohol from the shop and take a wonder down the nearest park for shelter. My brother and the rest of his mates all chased after a skinny girl they knew from school through the park. I being quite large was feeling a bit down, as I knew they all fancied that instead of a fat thing like me.

To my surprise Jon had stayed with me.

"Don't you fancy your chances with her,” I joked “Bet you could get any woman you wanted" I hid my face when I realised what I had said. Jon. took my hand and said

"But Amy, honey it’s you I want, not a slut like her."

I looked at him in disbelief. I couldn't believe what he had said. The next thing I knew he was walking me under a bridge and up some woods. It was now pouring rain.

I felt like we were the only two in the park. I was soaked through and not just my clothes. My pussy was drenched I was so excited, here I was, the ugliest person on the planet, with a guy sent from heaven. Why was I so lucky? I'd never felt like this before I’d never been this wet in my life.

Jon pulled me up against a tree kissed me slow and hard. I thought I was going to explode right there in my pants. I could feel him getting harder in his jeans pressing against my hips oh I felt like I was in heaven. Instinct took over. I put my hand on his jeans rubbing up against the fabric. He was so big. He moved my hand with his and unzipped his jeans. I’d never seen one let alone touch it. I let out a low moan as his raging hardon flew into the open. It was long and quite thick it surprised me how veiny it was. I’d always imagined them to be smooth, it was bigger than the length of my hand and about two fingers across. I couldn’t imagine this thing ever fitting inside my tight hole. I nervously placed my hands on it feeling it up and down, moving his foreskin back and forth it looked so tasty as this thick white goo dripped down. I licked my lips. When he saw this

"Go ahead, kiss it, taste it," he said

I bent down it and was right up at my face. I stuck my tongue out and licked the white thick sticky goo from the tip. I licked my lips it tasted so good I wanted more. I was hooked. I took it slowly in my mouth inch by inch. But as hard as I tried I couldn’t get it all in my mouth . Jon stroked my hair and said,

“It’s ok baby, take your time. Your doing great”

I worked slowly at first then I got faster and faster it was strange it was twitching in my mouth I didn't care I wanted it all. I reached inside my skirt and stared rubbing my clit furiously with every stroke.

I felt him cumming. I took a deep breath and drank it all it tasted funny but I got used to it. I squeezed his ball sacks with my free hand. They felt soft and squishy, but in a good way kind of like mozzarella balls. Oh god, it was wonderful I got up with it still in my hand. I kept stroking it while he kissed me. I thought it weird because I still had some cum on my mouth, but he told me it was ok cause he liked it. He was getting hard again I could feel it as we kissed harder the strokes got faster . I moaned in his mouth.. I could feel his hands running up my leg, I got so excited, I didn't know what he was up to.

Suddenly I could feel his hands up my skirt and hooking my pants panties in one move, and he had his fingers in my soaking pussy. I’d already cum earlier when he erupted in my mouth.

I thought it was strange. I was tingling all over as he thrust two fingers in my tight hole, and with his fingers still in my pussy he laid his jacket then me on the ground. fucking me fast with his fingers I was still stroking his cock he was getting hard again I whispered

"Can I have it in my mouth again?"

He looked at me and smiled.

"You love it, don't you," he laughed. When I nodded, he turned around, now pounding me with three fingers I was ready to explode three more strokes and he squirted cum all over my face, completely missing my mouth the last two squirts landed on my lips I hungrily licked it up mmm it was good. Suddenly my body was stiffening up. I thought I was going to burst, my hips came up to meet his hand as my cum came flooding from my pussy. Jon got between my legs and lapped it all up, mmm his tongue felt good there. Without warning I came again harder than before my whole body shaken.

When Jon was finished cleaning me up, he came up to my face looked at me and gave me an evil smile then he licked my face clean and kissed me slow and soft I could taste myself on his lips. Mmm I thought very sweet. Once my body had come down after the last orgasm Jon helped me up and we sorted our selves and headed back to meet the others.

Dave looked at us and said where the hell have you to fuckers been. Jon and I looked at each other and laughed. we said in unison " we've been for something to eat"

Dave looked puzzled but never said anything. When we parted Jon said to me same time next week and winked.

On the bus home I got a text from him it said "NEXT TIME WE’LL SHOW THAT PUSSY WHAT IT'S BEEN MISSING ALL THESE YEARS" I laughed.

Later that night I had the biggest orgasm I’d ever had on my own. I though I can’t wait till he fucks me that's when I knew he'd be my first.

 

[Weird Harold]

still not been submittedhad aneditor look at it and after my alterations looks fine but still was rjected

How are you submitting it? If you're submitting it as a file, perhaps there's some formatting issue or file corruption that is causing part of the story to be lost and dropping it below the 750 word minimum? RTF files seemto have some problems with losing chunks of text in the conversion process.

Try using Copy & Paste into the submission form and previewing the story to make sure that it appears correctly -- which it should, assuming you're doing a C&P here.

 

[Dr_Strabismus]

There are still tons of grammar/formatting errors in the story, particularly spacing and paragraphing. Maybe it's rejected because of that.

You badly, badly, need an editor to fix your punctuation.

 

[pezal78]

finally got it submmited after 6th time lol thanx forall ur help