My first story

[Niwa]

Hello all,

i just got the first part of my first story posted and i was wondering if any of you would mind reading it and maybe give me some pointers on what i could improve on for the second part

my story is found here: http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=242577

Thanks, Niwa

 

[impressive]

Welcome to the AH.

I'll try to have a read later today.

 

[Niwa]

i thank you for taking the time

 

[rikaaim]

First of all, welcome to the AH. I was gonna send you a PM, but you don't seem to have that option for some reason. Hmm... I wouldn't mind taking a look at your story and droping my suggestions, but I fear that at times I may be too critical, in a loving manor, like that helps any. If you still want my thoughts and opinions, let me know, or drop me a PM. I can take the story with me and give it a good look over, and then send it back to ya, or e-mail it to you. Whichever you prefer.