my first story!

[becks21]

Hey guys...

I just posted my first story...

Author Name: becks21
Story Title: Teaching Rebecca a lesson
Story Category: NonConsent/Reluctance

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=182188

Whaddya think??

Reading back through again I've noticed a few typos myself... but anyways, what do you think??

becks

 

[An Awful Cad]

A story about a naughty teen tart reluctantly taking it up the ass, written by a naughty young tart? You'll do just fine in the scoring.

I think you have room for improvement though. To me it lacked originality.

As a jaded aficionado of stories about naughty teen tarts who reluctantly etc, etc..., I can tell you that you need to develop something more to make it rise above the countless other stories in this genre. A better understanding of the characters and their motivations or something unique in the setup and execution of the seduction/coercion are examples.

There was plenty to like about the story, but there was sufficiently little detail that it read like a synopsis rather than a full story.

The good news is that Rebecca has to come back the following week for more "correction," so you've got another chance to develop the story. And I'll undoubtedly be reading...

 

[spyro1123]

I have to agree with the post above. I want more details.

How did it feel while he fucked her? What were his emotions? What were hers?

I also think you could build things up a little more. Have him finger her untill she is begging him. Have him make her tell him she is a slut and admit she came in to seduce him. You could even play up how she uses her body to control men, that would emphasise how she is completly losing control later.

I think the biggest problem that keeps this story from fufilling its potental is that you have left out the kinds of things that makes a story real to a reader. By spending some more time on what your protaginist is seeing, smelling, tasting, hearing, and feeling you bring the reader more and more into your story.

One more thing, he just shoves his cock up her ass and she doesnt make a noise?!!!

on the bright side these are all pretty easy things to fix, your style and structure are great.

spyro

 

[CHEFDOUG]

YOUR NEW STORY

That was a very good story. I like it because it almost like the one I was reading in High School. We had a sex book club back then.
The teachers did not have any idea what was going on.

 

[Gus Aspar]

very nice!

Nice story, Becks, my cock is tingling at the thought of being the teacher. If you're looking for suggestions, it would be improved for me if there was some dirty dialogue - Rebecca whispering to him how nice and juicy it feels in her cunt as his cock drives in and out of her...

I'm going to be looking out for more stories from you...