My first story
- Thread starter imarrja
- Start date
MagicFingers
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2003
- Posts
- 2,373
After seeing "Could stood" in the first sentence, I almost stopped reading. However I continued to see if it got any better. The rest was pretty good. I like the idea of doing it in so public a place as the Eiffel Tower! You could almost imagine them pulling it off that way.imarrja said:
Good luck and keep it up!
Omni
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 11, 2001
- Posts
- 255
You have great descriptions here for their clothes. I can see and feel what clothes they are wearing better than I can see or feel these two anonymous people.
This is a classic tell not show story and all one sided. He does this he does that but one dimensionally we have very few reactions from her. Not even gasps or trembles, which might have been the first layer to add depth.
Depth in stories is showing us what happened not telling us.
Next layer is movement and reaction, through dialog or " I touched, she trembled" type things.
Then, add tensions. They were on the Eiffel Tower, adding being caught as a sexual tension could have worked as one example, to take it away from the unexciting "two people like each other and like to screw so they do."
_________________________________________________
In passing, he wondered how she had managed to find blue suede pumps which exactly matched her suit.
_______________________________________________
One brief look into his mind, Why? I am intrigued at what type of man he is with this one lone sentence in this whole piece giving us too little idea of who he is.
I did not even know he had entered her there was so little interactions going on here. Three sentences later I had to look back to find it.
Build on this knack you have for descriptions. Gives us more of that but also more motion descriptions, touch/feel descriptions, reaction descriptions etc. Smell, taste, feel, see, talk.
Omni~~
This is a classic tell not show story and all one sided. He does this he does that but one dimensionally we have very few reactions from her. Not even gasps or trembles, which might have been the first layer to add depth.
Depth in stories is showing us what happened not telling us.
Next layer is movement and reaction, through dialog or " I touched, she trembled" type things.
Then, add tensions. They were on the Eiffel Tower, adding being caught as a sexual tension could have worked as one example, to take it away from the unexciting "two people like each other and like to screw so they do."
_________________________________________________
In passing, he wondered how she had managed to find blue suede pumps which exactly matched her suit.
_______________________________________________
One brief look into his mind, Why? I am intrigued at what type of man he is with this one lone sentence in this whole piece giving us too little idea of who he is.
I did not even know he had entered her there was so little interactions going on here. Three sentences later I had to look back to find it.
Build on this knack you have for descriptions. Gives us more of that but also more motion descriptions, touch/feel descriptions, reaction descriptions etc. Smell, taste, feel, see, talk.
Omni~~
xXxGothWhorexXx
Virgin
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2004
- Posts
- 2
It was a pretty good story, very descriptive of the clothes they were wearing.
Good luck, and keep it up.
Good luck, and keep it up.
Similar threads
