My First Story

[smutpen]

Hi Everybody,

I broke me cherry; my first attempt is out there.




On the Plantation

A couple of questions for you old pros...

My score is 4.46 with 63 votes.
Is that good for a first? Generally good? Piss poor?

I only have 3 comments, all very positive.
Normal?

10259 views in one day? Holy hornypeople, batman!

I tried to give it humor as well as heat; I guess it's a "stroke" story.

I've already figured out a few things I can do better, but the tricky thing seems to be plot and character development, which I would rather show than tell, but I don't want that dreaded "slow" label...

Any feedback/advice appreciated.

Thanks!

-smutty

 

[Mysteryjj]

Hi Everybody,

I broke me cherry; my first attempt is out there.




On the Plantation

A couple of questions for you old pros...

My score is 4.46 with 63 votes.
Is that good for a first? Generally good? Piss poor?

I only have 3 comments, all very positive.
Normal?

10259 views in one day? Holy hornypeople, batman!

I tried to give it humor as well as heat; I guess it's a "stroke" story.

I've already figured out a few things I can do better, but the tricky thing seems to be plot and character development, which I would rather show than tell, but I don't want that dreaded "slow" label...

Any feedback/advice appreciated.

Thanks!

-smutty

Sounds good love, I must have a read later

 

[KenJames]

Hi Everybody,

I broke me cherry; my first attempt is out there.




On the Plantation

A couple of questions for you old pros...

My score is 4.46 with 63 votes.
Is that good for a first? Generally good? Piss poor?

I only have 3 comments, all very positive.
Normal?

10259 views in one day? Holy hornypeople, batman!

I tried to give it humor as well as heat; I guess it's a "stroke" story.

I've already figured out a few things I can do better, but the tricky thing seems to be plot and character development, which I would rather show than tell, but I don't want that dreaded "slow" label...

Any feedback/advice appreciated.

Thanks!

-smutty

That's a hell of a lot of views and votes, more than I've ever received. 4.46 is a very good score, too. I'm impressed.

P.S. You might want to put a link to your profile in your signature.

 

[Guest]

I'm impressed with the views and votes too. The story is written well enough. However, an inter-racial story set on a plantation wherein white slave owner daughters gangbang nigger property who say "Massuh", etc. takes the erotic edge off for me.

Perdita

 

[smutpen]

Re: Re: My First Story

That's a hell of a lot of views and votes, more than I've ever received. 4.46 is a very good score, too. I'm impressed.

P.S. You might want to put a link to your profile in your signature.

Thanks!
I need to work on my profile a bit, too.

-smutty

 

[smutpen]

I'm impressed with the views and votes too. The story is written well enough. However, an inter-racial story set on a plantation wherein white slave owner daughters gangbang nigger property who say "Massuh", etc. takes the erotic edge off for me.

Perdita

Thanks for a thought-provoking comment.

I certainly didn't intend it to be racist; I'm sorry if it read that way to you. The story is something of a caricature, but in retrospect, "massah" may have been overdoing it.

I chose the setting because I felt it magnified the "forbidden fruit" aspect of interracial sex. But that is, itself, rooted in racist attitudes, though hopefully as a sort of defiance against those attitudes. In a truly egalitarian, color-blind society, there would be no category for "Interracial Loving" stories.

Once I did choose the setting, I tried to have people speak and behave somewhat realistically for the time and place, except for the implausibly rampant sexuality of the women, of course.


"Nigger" is a word full of ugly connotations, but it depends on context. I have black friends who think nothing of calling me "Niggah," but I never use the word myself in daily life.

In the context of the story, I thought it was appropriate, even necessary; that was the word used in that time and place.

I appreciate your your feedback, and I respect your concern about these issues.


-smutty

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

In the context of the story, I thought it was appropriate, even necessary; that was the word used in that time and place.

smutty,

It was in context, appropriate and necessary. That doesn't mean if won't put some readers off their feed. The feeling Perdita expressed is one shared by many. You as a writer will have to decide how you want to handle that reality.

Maybe the next generations of writers won't have this concern.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[smutpen]

smutty,

It was in context, appropriate and necessary. That doesn't mean if won't put some readers off their feed. The feeling Perdita expressed is one shared by many. You as a writer will have to decide how you want to handle that reality.



Rumple Foreskin

Thanks, Rumple. Point well taken. I have no expectation of pleasing everybody, but I also don't want any sort of a racist message to fall out of a reasonable reading of my work, because of carelessness on my part.

Maybe the next generations of writers won't have this concern.

If the species doesn't self-immolate first, a time will come when writers won't have the concern, but I fear it's still a few generations away.