julia_in_nj2007
Experienced
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- Dec 24, 2016
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- 54
My first story
- Thread starter julia_in_nj2007
- Start date
visioneer
Literotica Guru
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Your story is written well -- proper grammar and correct spelling go a long way. Power is certainly an aphrodisiac, though I found Ms. Matthews acquiescence to Mr. Howard's control too easy. This did not harmonize (in my mind) with her position, and her own power, as a successful politician. On a plot point, I think it would have increased the dramatic tension for her to remain in the Labour party as she is secretly submissive to Mr. Howard's whims. Perhaps he offers her a compromise to publicly save face, but behind closed doors...
With all that said, keep writing.
With all that said, keep writing.
Dream_Operator
Literotica Guru
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I agree with visioneer, you flipped the switch too quickly. More internal struggle would have made a better story. What was Julia thinking and feeling during the scene in Howard's office. Was Julia repulsed by his request? Aroused? Some of both? Was she lying to him to save her political career or was she being genuine in her words of praise? To me it was unclear.
One other thing I noticed, you overuse the personal pronoun "she", especially towards the end. It makes the writing repetitive and less personal. It's Julia's story, so use her name. A good rule of thumb is to mix up the characters name (Julia), the personal pronoun (she) and the possessive adjective (her).
One other thing I noticed, you overuse the personal pronoun "she", especially towards the end. It makes the writing repetitive and less personal. It's Julia's story, so use her name. A good rule of thumb is to mix up the characters name (Julia), the personal pronoun (she) and the possessive adjective (her).
Last edited:
Gabriel1664
Really Experienced
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- Dec 8, 2016
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Hi again Julia
Great story Julia!!!
Well done
Gabriel
Great story Julia!!!
Well done
Gabriel
Last edited:
hadruprider
Literotica Guru
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- Dec 30, 2015
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It's an interesting and ambitious choice for a first story! (Sir Humphrey, who I imagine you are familiar with, might call it 'courageous').
It doesn't work for me. The political intro does not draw me in, and from a Brit perspective, the US language and spellings (liberals, centers, honorable, theater) grates and makes the story less convincing.
And then when the lefty joins the Tory party?
Well, at least it's different, which I like. Maybe it will make more sense after more chapters.
It doesn't work for me. The political intro does not draw me in, and from a Brit perspective, the US language and spellings (liberals, centers, honorable, theater) grates and makes the story less convincing.
And then when the lefty joins the Tory party?
Well, at least it's different, which I like. Maybe it will make more sense after more chapters.
