My first story -- Laundry [erotic couplings]

[Ava_T_Argent]

Hello Lit! After a decade of devouring content on the site, I've finally published my first story-- an awkward tale of a heated late-night encounter in a college dorm. I present to you:

"Laundry"
by Ava_T_Argent
Category: Erotic Couplings

If you have time to take a look, I'd love to hear your thoughts about the story, characters, style, structure, pacing, and of course the dirty action itself
Copy edits are always welcome as well.

Anyway, you can check it out here:
https://www.literotica.com/beta/s/laundry-7

thanks in advance,

ayv

 

[Salacious_Scribe]

Hello Lit! After a decade of devouring content on the site, I've finally published my first story-- an awkward tale of a heated late-night encounter in a college dorm. I present to you:

"Laundry"
by Ava_T_Argent
Category: Erotic Couplings

If you have time to take a look, I'd love to hear your thoughts about the story, characters, style, structure, pacing, and of course the dirty action itself
Copy edits are always welcome as well.

Anyway, you can check it out here:
https://www.literotica.com/beta/s/laundry-7

thanks in advance,

ayv

Welcome to Lit! Congrats on getting your first story published. That's a big deal. Even after 11 years it puts a smile on my face when a new story goes live.

 

[Ava_T_Argent]

After all these years, really? I don't think I could take the emotional turmoil of this first post again. I guess if it mellows into a contented smile instead of terror-clenched guts, that will be OK

 

[sweetandeasy]

Hello Lit! After a decade of devouring content on the site, I've finally published my first story-- an awkward tale of a heated late-night encounter in a college dorm. I present to you:

"Laundry"
by Ava_T_Argent
Category: Erotic Couplings

If you have time to take a look, I'd love to hear your thoughts about the story, characters, style, structure, pacing, and of course the dirty action itself
Copy edits are always welcome as well.

Anyway, you can check it out here:
https://www.literotica.com/beta/s/laundry-7

thanks in advance,

ayv

Hi Ava,

Congrats on the story! I left you a short comment on the site too, but wanted to chime in here as well.

This was fun to read. I liked the awkwardness of the characters, the way you capture her thoughts especially. I loved what her "need" was and what she asks him to do, because it took the story in a fun (but still erotic) place that I hadn't expected. There's some nice lyricism in the writing, and overall I thought the pacing was good, too. You gave the story room to breathe and that helped make it feel a little more real.

The swift changes in perspective help the story in some ways. I can see how a more limited point of view might dull the story a bit. I'd only say that the quick switching can keep the story at arm's length, so it ends up feeling a little "cooler" than it otherwise might. The use of pronouns rather than names, and not having a really clear picture of the two of them beyond some basics, also adds to the coolness. I think it has less to do with the fact that you're moving back and forth than it does with the speed of those shifts, or the lack of a really clear pattern to help me follow and anticipate things. With that said, I do like getting into both characters' heads, and it made the overall story feel kind of fresh.

Congrats again on posting the story, and thank you for sharing!

 

[Ava_T_Argent]

... it ends up feeling a little "cooler" than it otherwise might.

sweetandeasy, that is EXACTLY what I feel is the piece's biggest weakness, but I wasn't able to put my finger on how to express it.

Upon reflection, it's apparent that I was preoccupied with crafting the words, to the detriment of the story's warmth and humanity. It's probably a side effect my conflict between (unconsciously) writing a poem, and wanting somebody to read my work

Thank you for taking the time to read and think critically about my story. And thanks especially for identifying and putting a name to what bothers me about it. Your feedback will definitely help guide me, should I find myself on this path again.

 

[Salacious_Scribe]

After all these years, really? I don't think I could take the emotional turmoil of this first post again. I guess if it mellows into a contented smile instead of terror-clenched guts, that will be OK

It's never the same as the first. More like taking satisfaction that I created something good enough to post here. Granted that may be a low bar, but it makes me happy.