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My First Storey

It doesn't help that the title of the thread and your first sentence misspell "story" as "storey".

Spelling mistakes irritate readers. Most spell-checkers won't find words that are genuine words used in the wrong context. So if you write "there" when you mean "their", a spell-checker won't spot it. Word's grammar checker might find them.

If that was your first story then try again. We all have to start somewhere. I don't have a problem with spelling. I do have problems with changing the characters' names, typing errors and losing the thread of the plot. Editing usually finds the wrong names and the plotting errors but can introduce more typos.

Og
 
Not half bad, and for a true first effort, very good.

No egregious spelling mistakes jumped out at me, so I suspect that Og is right and the spelling comment was for "storey." I note that this spelling is common in Britain to describe the floor of a building and not a work of fiction. However, you can edit your story and title fairly easily:

I've re-edited my story and want to replace the posted version with my new edited one. How do I do this?

No problem! Simply submit the new version as you submitted the old one, only adding the word "EDITED" to the title (ex. "My Sexy Firefighter Ch. 03 - EDITED") so that we know to replace the old text with the new text. We will then replace the original text with the new text. Your story will retain its previous voting score and views.

Overall, your grammar is quite good and you wove your background exposition into the story instead of leading with it as many beginners do. Points to you.

Characters are not drawn particularly well but in a short BDSM stroke piece that's pretty much the norm. If you're planning to make this a series you'll have time to give them more depth. Your close is a bit contrived (how does she know, the real time of this story, that she was given a sleeping pill?) so it looks as if you might be contemplating something ongong.

You have short, readable paragraphs and the action moves right along.

Like I said, for a true first effort, very good. I wouldn't hang up your stylus just yet, but if you continue to write you'll need to grow a thicker skin. Readers can always find something to rant about, and they will.

Best of luck.
 
GnomeDePlume said:
However, you can edit your story and title fairly easily:

I've re-edited my story and want to replace the posted version with my new edited one. How do I do this?

No problem! Simply submit the new version as you submitted the old one, only adding the word "EDITED" to the title (ex. "My Sexy Firefighter Ch. 03 - EDITED") so that we know to replace the old text with the new text. We will then replace the original text with the new text. Your story will retain its previous voting score and views.
Click to expand...

Good to know! I've gotten conflicting opinions on that and couldn't find the faq (yeah, I'm slow.) I think I submitted a wrong doc, the un-edited one. :eek: Been too chicken to look as it would kill me to know it's there for sure. My ratings suck wind on that piece, but my comments are amazing and I didn't wanted to lose those (not to mention a coveted little green thing.)

And why is it you can re-read your stuff a thousand times, put it away, look again, give it to two friends and two editors and STILL find typos and errors in your copy once it's hanging in front of an audience? :rolleyes:

As for the piece on this thread, I'm not qualified to give advice, but as a sympathetic first time writer, I thought it was good for a first attempt. Writing sex is harder than it appears. Writing plot is harder than it appears. Writing dialog is harder ... Well, you understand.

So, good on you for putting yourself out there and giving it a go! :rose:
 
Last edited:
You say that you probably won't be writing another story because of the comments, but you want help with your writing? :confused:
 
sexysarah89 said:
My First ever erotic storey i have writen.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=408213

Hope you like it, but from the comments so far i dont think i will be writing another.

I have learnt alot for writing this and would love to have any help to improve my writing

Thanks in advance for all those who take the time reading my fantasy.


Sarah
Click to expand...

Not too shabby for a first effort. I would suggest an editor in the future, however.
Once you get your 'sea legs' you can strike out on your own if you choose.

If everyone who received critical remarks about their first or succeeding stories stopped writing, we'd still be communicating with grunts and cave paintings...hang in there.

Welcome to the AH. :D
 
Meh, you just need some aversion therapy. Make your next story a "Loving Wives" and you will get all the "aversion" you could ever want. :D

The other thing that I would suggest is that you post a picture of yourself featuring full frontal nudity. It's kind of a bonding thing here in the AH. Just kind of a big full frontal nudity picture posting family... uh huh... ;)
 
Safe_Bet said:
Meh, you just need some aversion therapy. Make your next story a "Loving Wives" and you will get all the "aversion" you could ever want. :D

The other thing that I would suggest is that you post a picture of yourself featuring full frontal nudity. It's kind of a bonding thing here in the AH. Just kind of a big full frontal nudity picture posting family... uh huh... ;)
Click to expand...

That's where I went wrong...I forgot to show my boobies!
 
A welcome :kiss: for the little newbie from the good little witch.
 
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