my first foray

[mmfplease]

sorry had to delete

 

[SweetErika]

No worries, I'm not giving feedback, but a suggestion (and a free bump). No feedback because it's not legible in its current form. You need breaks between the paragraphs, including the lines of dialogue. Like this:

Steve’s cell rang, and it was Lila. He told her the long version this time, including about my arm and how I couldn’t really move it, and that I had to keep ice on it constantly.

Then he said to me, “She wants to talk to you.”

I re-positioned myself so that I could grab the phone with my left hand.

“Hi,” I said.

“Mark, are you okay? Steve said he hurt your arm,” she sounded upset.

“Yeah, my shoulder. It’s alright though, don’t worry.”

“It doesn’t sound alright. I can’t believe he did that to you!” I liked that she was being protective of me.

“Li, it was my fault, okay? I was upset because I thought he had given you that coke, and I came over here and started beating up on him. He was just defending himself,” I explained.

“Still, he shouldn’t have hurt you like that. Mark, last night was nothing. I didn’t even like it. I won’t do it again, okay?”

Yes, it'll be significantly longer, but I don't think you'll have a shot at anyone reading it if you don't add white space. Don't want to give the critics a headache!