I think the story comes across as a bit disjointed and "flat" for a couple of reasons.
First, you change point-of-view within the same paragraph, switching from hers to his and back again. If you do change POVs, doing a paragraph break helps the reader prepare for the change.
For this kind of tight, focused scene, though, I think it will work better if it is told completely from her perspective, and not mix the two together at all. I found it a disappointment to learn as the reader that he was already awake, waiting for her to suck him. I think it adds more dramatic tension if she (and the reader) are not sure if he is awake or not
To get the same ideas across, her thoughts and actions can communicate what she knows about him and how he will react to being awakened in this way.
I know you did not want to use any dialog, for this "talking with the eyes and the body" moment, but some additional "inside the head" thoughts would help, too, to add some more drama to the scene.
Lastly (or firstly), the opening paragraph could use some more "punch". The first several sentences are all very similar in structure and "tone" and they don't set up the erotic tension of what is about to happen as good as I think you need to do to grab the reader's attention and drag them into the narrative.
Congratulations on your first story, and keep polishing the stone. The first one is always the hardest.
