My first ever post, and a poem

[jesusfuck]

Hey everybody! I'm a n00b, as the h4x0r 3l33t say. This is my first post, so I thought I'd put up one of my love/sex poems and get some feedback. Tell me what you think! Thanks!

perfect dark sweet warmth
seduces liquid nectar dreams and
i bleed into your soul willingly
as music rings my ears like bells
callouses smoothed your disdain
catches my fervor into madness
desire for your burning glory tossing
aside your clothes as fragments
scattering unhindered my branches
quiver with electrified but more
than carnal in the raptured frenzy
entwined eloquently as fluid rhythm
darkness full of life and scents of
all my dreams come true without
fear dissipating as creamy smooth
delicious surrounds and fills the
space i am no longer empty drowning
in your eyes content as joyous
echoes tears of laughter caressing
kiss me and the world dissolves
kiss me and we'll drift together

-JF

 

[WickedEve]

I like the poem, but the line breaks and lack of stanzas are a little bothersome to me. They tend to make me rush through the poem. Some words at the beginning or end of a line seem as though they'd read better if moved up or down one line.