My first erotic writing!

[Nroleer]

Below is my first erotic writing. Iam rather new at this, and would like all forms of feedback. Please shoot me straight, I welcome constructive criticism.

This story is entitled Sensual Realization. It is meerly a draft so far, and it is only the first part of a complete story. It is a work in progress, and hope to have it published on Literotica. Please feel free to post any comments. Thanks

 

[Nroleer]

Sensual Realization Part 1

Sensual Realization 1


Things had been rough as of late. My life seemed to be in a downward spiral, and everything seemed to be going wrong all at once. My marriage was on the rocks, and it just seemed that I could not make her happy no matter what I did. My job was so stale, that I had no interest in showing up, and it was starting to affect my position with the company. Depression begins to set in, and it felt that there simply was no way to build my life back up. I was merely driving around, looking for something, yet not quite finding it.

My wife and I had gone thru our normal morning ritual, arguing over this and that. It seemed pointless really. Not matter how much we fought we never could get around to figuring out what the problem was. Most nights, not two words could be said between us, and lets not even talk about the bedroom. That had to be the coldest bed in all of Atlanta.

Sure, we had sex once in a great while. I always adored my wife. She could just walk into a room and would have me turned on in a heartbeat. Don’t get me wrong, she is not perfect, but then again who is. She stood all of 5’3” with a few extra pounds, which were added on with childbirth, and a pair of breast that made my mouth water every time she stepped out of the shower so that I could see them. Even thru the extra pounds her body had curves in all the right places, and I enjoyed running my hands across those soft curves in my mind. Sadly though, as of late, was as close as I could get to her. It had been many weeks since the last time we made love, and I could not understand why she had become so distant. Going to bed at night was complete torture; lying next to her naked body was such a turn on, yet all I could do was a few quick jerks to relieve the tension.

A few times I would face her and run my hand down her soft belly, slowly but surely working my hand down to her shaved pussy, and run my fingers thru the ever soft folds of her sex. Doing this was extremely difficult because I was afraid that she would wake and reject me, as I had felt she had done so many nights before, when I turned to her and kissed the back of her shoulder, only to hear the same old words I always heard. “It’s late and I have to get up early in the morning to see the kids off.” Then she would simply lean further away. I enjoyed playing with her pussy though. It was so difficult not to move over her and gently kiss those lips between her legs, and envelope myself in the taste of her sweet sex. But I would just play with her pussy for a while, roll over, jerk off, and go to sleep.

I had grown to hate this routine on many levels. Mostly because I felt guilty for touching her with out permission. But as of late it was the only thing that I felt kept me sane.

Problems at home left me with the desire to do absolutely nothing. Hey, I wasn’t drowning myself in a bottle of fine Scotch. At the same time it was starting to become a problem, and my employment was close to termination. I knew that I should have driven to work today, but just had no desire to be around my fellow coworkers, or anyone for that matter. I had gotten dressed and ready for work, and had pulled out of the driveway in disgust from usual morning scenario. So here I am just driving around town with no destination.

I pulled into the local Waffle House, and decided to have my breakfast. Nothing gave me a bigger smile then some of the waitresses there. As I sat down a lovely blonde with the long legs approached, holding a pot of coffee and a pearl white coffee mug.

“Care for some coffee dear?”

“Please!” I replied, trying my best to keep my eyes off of her large buxom tits. Her shirt was tight, giving a wonderful display of the shape of her nipples.

She placed the coffee mug on a napkin in front of me, and proceeded to pour me a cup. I could not keep my eyes off her nipples, and I was sure she had noticed that I was looking at her, or at lease I was just paranoid of the fact. My thought began to wander back to my wife. Her nipples always stood at attention, and were one of the features about her I liked most. She almost never wore a bra around the house, and I always had the opportunity to see the faint form of them thru her shirt. The last time there was any intimacy between us, she had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room watching TV, I had been watching with her. After she had fallen asleep I decided to put in my favorite adult film. I sat down in front of the media center to get a better view of the television, and skipped around the DVD for some of the hottest scenes. I had taken my seat right next to the couch my wife had fallen asleep on. As the movie played, I could not help but to stare at those lovely nipples thru her button up denim shirt. Her chest would rise and fall, pushing her breast up even further providing me with a more detailed outline of her breast.

Finally I had worked up the nerve to move my hand onto her chest. Slowly, trying not to rouse her I worked my hands across her breast, gently massaging, and kneading them. My fingers would occasionally run across her erect nipples, and would take on a mind of their own, gently pinching the nipple, and rolling them tightly between one another. The DVD continued to play, as two women started to get it on in an interrogating room in some inner city police station. I was not paying much attention to the details of the story since I was so focused on my wife’s breast. One woman moaned deeply as another begins to satisfy her with her tongue. Suddenly my wife’s breath rasped. Afraid that I would be caught I quickly removed my hand from her chest. Her head tilted to the other direction, facing away from me, yet did not awaken.

“Can I get ya anything else dear?”

Snapping out of my daydream I acknowledged the waitress and replied rather flustered.

“No, coffee is fine, thank you.” With that I raised my cup with appreciation, and she smiled sweetly at me and turned to tend to other patrons.

With that I turned my thoughts back to my pleasant daydream. My wife had not awaken, but in turning her head, left exposed the soft skin of her neck, and her shirt unbuttoned at the top opened ever so slightly to reveal the sumptuous skin beneath. The woman on the television continued her oral delights on the other, gently flicking her tongue back and forth across the pink clit, saliva rolling from her tongue as she moved to reposition it above the clit for another slide up the glistening shaved pussy. My cock was throbbing and I could not take my eyes off my wife’s chest beneath the open shirt. I proceeded to reach back for her chest, as it was apparent that she was still in deep slumber. I continued to play with her breast thru her shirt ever so gently, squeezing them softly, and occasionally running my fingers down the track directly around her nipples.

As the women moaned and yelled for more, I noticed my wife’s nipple becoming hard. I wanted so much to lay play with her breast under her shirt, and when I could take it no more, I gently begin to unbutton her shirt. Undoing three more buttons, I could see the outline of the bottom of her breast, and eased my hand under her shirt, caressing her breast in the same fashion as I had thru her shirt. It had driven me insane with desire. The feeling of her breast in my hand was exciting, and my cock got even harder, pulsing with life, and ready for either my hand as it usually was or her dripping pussy. I began to feel confident in what I was doing, and perhaps a bit cocky, as I allowed my hand to travel all over her breast and slowly working its way down to her silk panties. Her shirt hindered my hands travel so I finished off the rest of the buttons and opened her shirt to reveal her stomach and the top of her panties. Her skin felt divine as my hand moved back across her breast and easily working its way down across her navel to her panties.

I tried to get my hand between her legs, however she had one leg up, knee bent and across the other, closing me off from that sensual point between them that had longed to run my fingers. I turned to see the action briefly on the television to see one of the girls pull out a dildo, and grinned as the other positioned herself on all fours with her ass up, waiting pussy ready for penetration. As she drove the phallus in deep, the redhead moaned with excitement and responded for more. As my hand sank as deep as it could between my wife’s closed legs, she moaned lightly and stirred. I froze in fear that she would catch me, and was unable to move my hand on the top of her panties. As she stirred she turned to face me, eyes closed, and shifted her leg over and leaned her knee against the couch opening up that door to waiting pussy. She did not awake. Her moan, however told me that she was enjoying this even if it was in dreamland, and I was not about to disappoint her. Slowly I shifted my weight and brought up my right hand this time, and pulling back my left to support my weight on the left side. Gently I placed my hand on her breast and softly caressed her skin, kneading her breast and rolling her hardened nipple every so often between my fingertips. Building up the nerve again, I worked my hand down her belly, to her panties, her legs this time open, and with ease I ran my fingers down her pussy thru her silk panties. I could feel the heat of her pussy emanate thru the silk, and noticed the moisture seeping thru as well.

My hands had down their job, and had aroused her, even if she was in dreamland. I was happy. I stroked her firmly trying to bury my fingers into the silk between the folds of her sex. Rubbing slowly and surely. The women on TV were getting close to their climax as their moans were louder, and they squealed with delight. My wife began to become agitated as if thru frustration, yet I continued to run my fingers thru the silk in her panties, down the slit in her pussy. She was sopping wet, and light moans escaped from her lips as her breath quickened pace. Her right leg shifted further open, and I could almost make out the outer labia from the side of her panties.

With nothing more holding me back, I quickly glanced to see that my wife was still asleep, and moved my hand to enter beneath her panties. She had turned her head again, and moved her left arm above her head, now facing the couch I felt more secure that I would not get caught. I gradually worked my fingers beneath the front of her panties from the side, and ran them down across her pussy, now swollen, and partially open, and wet clit waiting patiently for more of the sensations that my fingers were giving her. I obliged and gently stroked her waiting clit with my fingers, running them in a circular motion, at times teasing her clit, and moving down to the wettest center of her being.

As my fingers slowly started to stroke the entrance to that passage we men so love, I noticed her stomach tighten, and her legs stiffened. A moan escaped her lips, slowly, her eyes closed more tightly. She was cumming, and not even waking up. I continued to insert my finger into her now slick pussy, slowly searching for that majestic button inside. As I finally found that button, touched it lightly, her body clenched. The walls of her vaginal canal gripped my finger, as if it were holding it there yearning for completion. I looked up, her face was flushed, yet her eyes never opened. Waves of small contractions gently sucked on my finger pulling it inside her slightly deeper. Yet her eyes did not open to see that I had given her this pleasure. I was disappointed, yet happy with myself that I had pleasured my wife. As her body begin to relax I removed my finger from within, and pulled my hand back gently to my side. She shifted again, turning her head in my direction, and continued on with her slumber. I smiled at her, and slowly leaned forward toward her breast where it all started and kissed one lightly near the nipple.

Sadly this left me rather unfulfilled, so I quietly turned off the movie, where by now the scene had changed, and the two women were long gone in the story. I turned and looked at my wife, legs still open, and silk panties now wet from her orgasm. It didn’t seem fair, however I was felt pleased that I could still get that type of reaction from my wife. I headed for bed where I performed my nightly routine, and fell asleep.

“Can I top you off dear?” The waitress was back, pot in hand, and breast right back in my face.

“No, just my check please.” I replied, not really sure of how much time I was away from reality.

“Sure thing dear.” She smiled sweetly again and scribbled some things on a pad of paper, and handed me my bill.

On the bill I noticed a phone number, and I looked back up at the waitress with surprise.

“Call me.” She lipped with out making a noise while motioning as though she had a phone to her ear. I smiled back. Paid my bill, and stepped back into the late morning air.
----------------
Edited. Found quite a few grammatical errors that had to be changed. Enjoy.

 

[falcon29]

A promising start. You missed some grammatical stuff, though. Watch out for "then/than" and missing or misplaced apostrophes.

Also, on a memo or in a chat room, "thru" instead of "through" is okay. To me, though, it's not acceptable in a story for others to read.

I have written some and it might help if I tell you some of the things that helped me. For one thing, I always have several stories in the works. I will work on one for a while and save it. It is almost as if it has to germinate on its own a while. Many times when I go back to the folder I won't recognize the file name. When I open it is almost like somebody else wrote it.

As I write, I think I've caught all the errors. Upon rereading I always -- ALWAYS! -- find many errors and awkward phrases that are better for the wait.

Keep working.

 

[Violette]

You've got the makings of a very good story here. Keep it up!

 

[Pure]

It's a bit daring to have the core be a fantasy.

I'd think it hard to pull off, unless it's ch 1, and the fantasy comes true later.

Small note: It's odd that after saying how unsexy the marriage is, and presumably the wife is, to him, now, that the first fantasy-memory is of the wife.

Some good story telling; do you know where it's going or is it sorta 'organic'?

J.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The moon must be causing people to bury their erotic scenes well out of reach of the reader, because I just read a story in which the only erotic action was contained in a story written by one of the characters, and now we have this story in which the erotic action not only happens in flashback, but happens while the protagonist is watching a porno video. Having the sex happen in flashback kind of removes the immediacy for me. Describing the erotic content of a movie that's being viewed (in flashback yet) is kind of a low blow; an easy way of injecting some heat to a story without modifying the plot.

The writing's good; the sex is about as hot as sex with an unconscious woman can be, I would think. I assume this waitress is going to get involved with him later on in the story, which will justify her existence. It's hard to critique a plot when you don't know all of the story.

If I have any beef with the goings on in here, it's with the idea of a woman having an orgasm without waking up. I understand that this is Literotica though, and we deal with fantasies here, so I'll let it slide. I would just mention in passing that, for me at least, the word "wife" is one of the unsexiest words there is. It always makes me think of a frump in a housedress and curlers.

---dr.M.

 

[Nroleer]

First of all, I would like to thank all for the feedback, it is greatly appreciated and helpful.

Falcon,
I appreciate your comments. I do know that my grammer is weak. Creative writing was not exactly my strong skill back in school. It is something that I am working on improving, and hope to eventually master, through (lol I can use the word through anywhere, but I do see your point) practice with my writings.

I do like your ideas of allowing a story, to say, ferment. Being that I work in the retail industry, this time of year keeps me at work, so as of right now the story is fermenting. (Although I have nearly completed the second part of the story, though having difficulties with it, as I will explain in a moment.)

Violette,
Working on them, I will post them as I complete them. Thanks for your comments.

Pure,
This is the first part of a series for the story. I do actually know where it is going, even to the finale. Just have to fill in detail to the story which is the labor and sweat that can make it enjoyable to read.

As for your small note, the character dictating the story adores his wife. In fact, though he may look at other women from time to time with lust in mind, never has the desire to take it further. Yes, the character's marriage is not all that great, and could be because of the lack of fun and excitement in the bedroom. (After all, sex can be an underlying issue that results in syptoms such as the morning and nightly rituals that the character endures.) However, I think as more of the story comes together you will see that both of them really do love each other.

Dr. M,
I was hoping that you would post. I have read some of the feedback that you have given others, and appreciate the way you are critical, yet explain very well the reasons for your comments.

IMHO, I think some form of flashback is an ok thing. Should a story contain it at every turn, no. I did not want to do the classic porn thing where you have two people walk into a room talk about the weather and then one just says "lets fuck". I am sorry to say, that the waitress is really just a tool to cause the flashback. I wanted the reader to understand that the character giving the story, loves pleasing his wife. Kinda a buildup of the character I suppose.

As for the porno video, well without giving away too much of the future story, is a sign, that the character should have taken notice too. I did add it as a way to build up a little heat, although in retrospect (and I may change it just a bit) do not think I executed very well.

As for your beef, well again, without giving away a lot in the future story, all may not be what it seems. Thats all I will say about that....*chuckles*.

In conclusion, there are a few things that I wanted to discuss that I am having difficulties with. (This may be due to my lack of skill.)

First, I had wanted to do something unique in that I did not want my characters to have names. In nearly all of the stories I have read on Literotica, though most of them are enjoyable to read, the characters have names. My thought was that the lack of names, adds something to the story that you do not always see, in a hope to make it memorable. Anyone's thoughts on this is greatly welcome, and appreciated. The problem lies in the fact that it becomes extremely difficult to write. The use of the word "wife" that Dr. M finds unsexy, was just something I used to avoid giving her a name.

Second, In my next couple of chapters to the story I am faced with writing female-female sex. It was my original thought "how hard can it be to write?" Well, it is. As a man, having not the luxury, for the purpose of writing this story, to be a woman making love to another woman, leaves me limited on how to write these scenes, and at the same time, make them believable. Sure I have watched the porn of women having their unbridled fun, but I cannot help but feel that it is surreal. The one thing I have found is that alot of the writing on Literotica has been a great help in getting me to where I want to be in terms of being able to write these scenes the way they should be written.

Again thanks for the comments. Hopefully by the end of the weekend I will have the second part of this completed.

 

[Nroleer]

Well, I have finally completed the second part of this ongoing tale. I will post it after I have had a chance to reread it a few times for any grammatical errors that stick out at me. I think that you will find it much more enjoyable then the first part.

 

[Black Tulip]

First, I had wanted to do something unique in that I did not want my characters to have names. In nearly all of the stories I have read on Literotica, though most of them are enjoyable to read, the characters have names. My thought was that the lack of names, adds something to the story that you do not always see, in a hope to make it memorable. Anyone's thoughts on this is greatly welcome, and appreciated. The problem lies in the fact that it becomes extremely difficult to write. The use of the word "wife" that Dr. M finds unsexy, was just something I used to avoid giving her a name.

Second, In my next couple of chapters to the story I am faced with writing female-female sex. It was my original thought "how hard can it be to write?" Well, it is. As a man, having not the luxury, for the purpose of writing this story, to be a woman making love to another woman, leaves me limited on how to write these scenes, and at the same time, make them believable. Sure I have watched the porn of women having their unbridled fun, but I cannot help but feel that it is surreal. The one thing I have found is that alot of the writing on Literotica has been a great help in getting me to where I want to be in terms of being able to write these scenes the way they should be written.

I read your story outline, but for me there is not enough there to get really interested right now. Too soon for me, but then I am not very interested in married couples.

About the name thing: I tried to do that with the story for the winter contest but I couldn't keep it up. The only result is that the names come up after the start of the story. I am curious to see if you can make it work.

Imagine the feelings in your body when you are aroused. I don't think the effect on your mind is different, just the bodyparts generating the feelings. Maybe?

Good luck.

 

[JRaven]

no names

I don't think there really is a problem with not using names. In a story I wrote, I didn't describe the characters at all. The only thing you know about them is that they are mother and son. I got a few feedbacks complaining about it. I got more feedbacks from people saying how easy it was to put themselves in the story. That is what I was trying for. Two women wrote that they felt like they had just screwed their son, 15 men wrote that they just had sex with their mothers.

I look forward to the next part.
Jenny

The Graduation Present

 

[champagne1982]

[. . .]First, I had wanted to do something unique in that I did not want my characters to have names. In nearly all of the stories I have read on Literotica, though most of them are enjoyable to read, the characters have names. My thought was that the lack of names, adds something to the story that you do not always see, in a hope to make it memorable. Anyone's thoughts on this is greatly welcome, and appreciated. The problem lies in the fact that it becomes extremely difficult to write. The use of the word "wife" that Dr. M finds unsexy, was just something I used to avoid giving her a name.[. . .]

It's not impossible to write a story about two characters without giving them names. Be warned though, as the plot becomes more complex and more characters get involved you may find yourself with far too many he's and she's, it will be difficult to maintain their anonymity without sacrificing variation.

A couple of my nameless wonders:

Speeding
A Letter To An Absent Heart
The Ecstacy

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The nameless thing is not hard to do. In fact, in sex scenes, it's quite common to get by with only pronouns. I think this is a device that works best if the reader's not aware of what you're doing though, so if it starts getting awkward, which it might do if you have more than 2 people engaged in conversation, say, then it might be more trouble than it's worth. It's often a good idea to establish some distinguishing features of your characters, say the woman's hair color, so that you can refer to her as "the redhead" or whatever later on, and people will know who you mean.

This will be a problem in writing a lesbian sex scene. From a purely technical aspect, the hardest part in writing homosexual sex is keeping the pronouns straight: "She sucked hungrily on her fingers" gets a bit confusing when both the sucker and suckee are both she's. Names or distinguishing features are almost imperative in those kind of scenes.

---dr.M.

 

[Nroleer]

Jenny:
I have actually posted the second part of this story. You can read this at
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=210331


At the moment I have paused in this story, mostly because of lack of time to sit and write, that I hope to have more of after the first of the year. I have decided to try writing something shorter, a one chapter story with a nice sexual encounter from the point of view of a woman, making love to another woman. The hope is that if it goes well, I may use this experience to rewrite this story. I have realized that with the ideas for the rest of this story that going with unamed characters will get extremely complicated as I do plan to incorporate several more characters. I have yet to decide if I will rewrite that as well.

I do appreciate your time and comments on this story, and hope to have the third part written and the first two rewritten in early January when I will have more time to work on it.

 

[duckylou]

Why a bitch or a slut?

Why do authors call a woman who likes sex or other styles of sex a bitch or slut. Most are doing what they want or what their husbands or boyfriends want them to do! So why do you call them sluts and bitches..They are all women and should be loved and adored even tho they like different kinds of sex. Also just how many men have 10 inch penis and just how many women would let some one have anal sex with her with a large penis.
Just get real with your stories and your stories will be much better.

 

[Nroleer]

I'am going to assume that your post, duckylou, is a mispost.

I do not particularly care for either word bitch or slut, and feel the same way you do.

Perhaps you have posted your reply on the wrong thread.