My first BDSM

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

Ok, my first BDSM story is now avaliable. I would like some feedback as to whether it is correct to this lifestyle and how you like it overall, or didn't like it. I have never actually experienced this, my imagination along with reading some other BDSM here supplied the motivation.
Anyway I want your thoughts!
Wicked


A Learning Experience
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=60440

 

[ladyphoenix]

Wicked,
This is one of those "4", almost a "5" stories that would have been a five with some editing.
You start out too choppy, your sentences like lines of an outline, but by the end of the story you're doing some amazing work.
Your punctuation needs work (commas and periods outside of quote marks when they should be inside....? at the ends of sentences where they shouldn't be.....a wine bottle being "sat" and not "set" down, etc.)
But I love the way the man develops his control, rather than seeing it from the start, and the way you let us see her inner learning to love this submission.
Work hard, keep writing. This was great, but get some editing before posting!!

Best,
ladyp

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

Thanks LadyP for the feedback. I had tried the editing here without much luck. Would you be interested in editing? I really do care about the way my writing looks to others and want to take every available option to make it better. By the way may I ask where in Ohio you are? I'm from Ohio too. If you'd rather not say on this thread you can pm me or email or if you'd rather not say at all that's ok too LOL. Anyway thanks for the feedback and for the 4 could be a 5, that's an ego booster for sure.
Wicked

 

[ladyphoenix]

Where in Ohio

Darlin,
I would be very happy to edit for you. I really think you should consider having this story edited and resubmitting. I'm betting you'd be bringing in all five's.
As Luke Skywalker once said, "If there's a bright spot in the universe, we're in the place it's farthest from." (i.e., I live in a little bitty town called Bucyrus in the dead center or so of Ohio, Bratwurst capital of the world).
Editing materials accepted at ladyphoenix@literotica.org by previous arrangement. (You can consider this a previous arrangement).

Best,
ladyp

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

LadyP I truly appreciate your offer to edit. I didn't know I could resubmit a story, so I will take you up on your offer and send it to you for editing.
I know where Bucyrus is, used to go there to the festival every year, been many though since I had. I'm just an hour SE of Columbus in a smaller town than yours, Crooksville, home of the pottery festival. I'm glad to hear you think it's worthy of 5's too, thanks so much. As soon as I finish this I will send the story off to you.
Thanks again
Wicked