my favorite self written poem

[Spitt1337]

I wrote this several years ago, and never came up with a name for it, but it's one of the few poems I wrote that I memmorised.

Think of this...
A shimmer in time
such as a pebble in a pool of water
and that the time is sand
but the water doesn't matter

hope you all enjoyed it

I suppose I should copywrite this again. But any person who wishes to use this may, but you must not sell it, nor use it in any promotional piece without my written permission. Also if you post it anywhere else, please post my website and name "Spitt" with it. This will make it easier for people to get ahold of me.




--------------------------
Spitt
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[Spitt1337]

so no feedback on if anyone likes it?

 

[My Erotic Tale]

I wrote this several years ago, and never came up with a name for it, but it's one of the few poems I wrote that I memmorised.

Think of this...
A shimmer in time
such as a pebble in a pool of water
and that the time is sand
but the water doesn't matter

hope you all enjoyed it

I suppose I should copywrite this again. But any person who wishes to use this may, but you must not sell it, nor use it in any promotional piece without my written permission. Also if you post it anywhere else, please post my website "" and name "Spitt" with it. This will make it easier for people to get ahold of me.




--------------------------
Spitt
RPG-Exploiters

Information is power, we want power!
Check out our free rpg auctions and exploit site.

Chewing gum for the mind

and I like to chew...<grin>
nice short zen wit poem~

 

[flyguy69]

so no feedback on if anyone likes it?

Since you insist: it's awful.

It feigns a gravity that it simply doesn't earn. Abstractions like "a shimmer in time" don't provide readers any meaningful image-- is time glowing or reflecting light, somehow? Have you ever seen time do this? Then you liken it to a pebble in a pond. OK, time is a shiny rock. How? How is time like a shiny rock? But suddenly time is not a rock, it is sand. Shiny sand? Presumably it is at the bottom of the pond still, but I still can't tell what that has to do with anything. Then your most greivous error: you tell readers that the image you have built doesn't matter.

And finally I agree with you.


edited to add: If by "copywrite" you mean "copyright," you do not need to do this. The poem is copyrighted the moment you write it, and your posting here could serve as evidence of your authorship. I also think it highly unlikely anyone will steal it.

 

[The Poets]

Mr. Spitt, please do not promote your own site in your posts ("Check out our free rpg auctions and exploit site.") Your link has been removed. You may add a simple link to your signature line, though.

Thank you

 

[Guest]

Since you insist: it's awful.

It feigns a gravity that it simply doesn't earn. Abstractions like "a shimmer in time" don't provide readers any meaningful image-- is time glowing or reflecting light, somehow? Have you ever seen time do this? Then you liken it to a pebble in a pond. OK, time is a shiny rock. How? How is time like a shiny rock? But suddenly time is not a rock, it is sand. Shiny sand? Presumably it is at the bottom of the pond still, but I still can't tell what that has to do with anything. Then your most greivous error: you tell readers that the image you have built doesn't matter.

And finally I agree with you.


edited to add: If by "copywrite" you mean "copyright," you do not need to do this. The poem is copyrighted the moment you write it, and your posting here could serve as evidence of your authorship. I also think it highly unlikely anyone will steal it.

I don't think he likes it very much.

 

[My Erotic Tale]

I don't think he likes it very much.

that's okay I apologized for him

 

[WickedEve]

that's okay I apologized for him

I'm sure he'll hate that. I'd hate another adult apologizing for me for telling how I honestly feel about a poem.
I think one item that may bother people a little, spitt, is your copyright information. I'm sure you're simply protecting your work, and that's fine. But others may see it this way:
Spitt/new kid on the block: "It's mine! Hands off!"
Fly/old kid on the block: "Who the hell would want it?"

What else have you written besides this poem and would you care to share?

 

[tarablackwood22]

that's okay I apologized for him

Why would you do that, other than you have no manners?

 

[Guest]

that's okay I apologized for him

No need. He was giving honest and constructive critcism.

 

[Spitt1337]

Ah shucks. If I could have figured out how to add a link/sig, i would have. I appologise for offending the board with it. As for copyrighting and the info therin, thank you for clarifying it.

Heck if you dont like it, thats cool.. Constructive criticism, is always fine. Flaming would be offensive, but you didnt do that, so there is nothing to appologise for.

Ummm other things? Plenty of it, but even crappier then that. I once tried to write eroticism... didn't work out well. My stories were always... left drifting. I'll see if I can figure out where all the crap all went.

 

[WickedEve]

Ah shucks. If I could have figured out how to add a link/sig, i would have. I appologise for offending the board with it. As for copyrighting and the info therin, thank you for clarifying it.

Heck if you dont like it, thats cool.. Constructive criticism, is always fine. Flaming would be offensive, but you didnt do that, so there is nothing to appologise for.

Ummm other things? Plenty of it, but even crappier then that. I once tried to write eroticism... didn't work out well. My stories were always... left drifting. I'll see if I can figure out where all the crap all went.

You did offend the board. We stay offended about 80% of the time. It's a way of life here.
Don't worry if your poetry sucks. Only worry if it stays that way. You can always improve.

 

[flyguy69]

This is a very healthy attitude, Spitt, and bodes well for your future writing. Good luck.

Ah shucks. If I could have figured out how to add a link/sig, i would have. I appologise for offending the board with it. As for copyrighting and the info therin, thank you for clarifying it.

Heck if you dont like it, thats cool.. Constructive criticism, is always fine. Flaming would be offensive, but you didnt do that, so there is nothing to appologise for.

Ummm other things? Plenty of it, but even crappier then that. I once tried to write eroticism... didn't work out well. My stories were always... left drifting. I'll see if I can figure out where all the crap all went.