Sparky Kronkite
Spam Eater Extraordinare'
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2000
- Posts
- 8,921
True story - a real dream - had to get the fuck up and write it down. It starts………..
Somehow, I'm a detective. World class, world renown. I'm mysteriously called to Boston by the Gillette family - yes, "that" Gillette family. I am there to assist the family heirs in solving a mystery. "Mystery is my game, truth is my fame" - that's what it says on my business card.
The mystery? Who has been stalking the family members and why?
The evidence and clues? 1) Sightings of a fleeting, phantom like, shadowy figure, tall, be'caped and probably male - on or about the modestly secure grounds of the Gillette family compound, which is composed of numerous family members' homes. 2) Strange, seemingly erratic, yet definitely "arranged" icons of sticks, stones, leaves, dirt and other readily available garden-like material found on the grounds of the compound - they are very "Blair Witch-like." There are many of these around the homes of the Gillette family members. They seem meaningless, yet must of course have some meaning. 3) Words, or messages, partials sentences and the like - "Do it again, razor boy" - "Home at last Doctor Wu" - "King skunk Baxter" - all scribed in the soft dirt around these stick/stone icons - with some kind of sharp object.
What could all this mean? I began my research………..
My research always begins with elimination. Eliminating the obvious, those who could not be a suspect - or more readily, leaving those who could be suspect. This Gillette family phantom could not be any sane person, this person had to be insane or going insane. Therefore the suspect could not be any of the family members themselves or their staffs or contractors - they were all very regular folks. The suspect was also, therefore - not a criminal of any sort - criminals are sane. No this was a mad man - or a woman posing as a man. Using the Internet as my main resource - I went to my obvious clues - the phrases or the words.
The first strike I came upon was the obvious name - "Baxter" - Jeff, Skunk Baxter. The next hit, the pop-jazz-rock band - "Steely Dan" - then, Do It Again, Razor Boy, Home at Last and Doctor Wu - all song titles theirs. Our insane perpetrator was obviously mentally focused upon that band and possibly, more importantly - on Mr. Jeff "Skunk" Baxter. Yes, things were beginning to smell fishy.
More research……
Jeff "Skunk" Baxter, the infamous guitarist, noted for work with Steely Dan, the Doobie Brothers and others - it turns out, also lime lights as a defense analyst and consultant for the US government - in the area of computer defense and missile guidance systems. Hmmmmmmm?
More research…..
The Gillette Company had recently been contract by the US government to - re-tool their assembly line in Briton, to manufacture very small, nearly microscopic, wire to be used in - hey, guess what? Electronics utilized in US missile guidance systems! The puzzle was coming together.
I then wanted to know more about the family history - so I searched for Gillette - King C. (Camp) Gillette, famous patent holder (1903 was the first one) for the double-edged safety razor - but his wealth was really not because of invention, he was really a brilliant marketing man. He would market one of the very first products that people would use everyday and throw away - and then purchase more of course. He had discovered one of the products, one of the realities which guard the Road to Utopia.
Anyway, blah, blah, blah - search, search, search……………
Then something funny happened - my dyslexia kicked in and I mis-typed the name Gillette - I ran it Jillette by mistake. Up popped the name Penn Jillette or the performing comic, magi duo - Penn & Teller. Curiously I checked their Website and looked onto their tour schedule and noticed that this past summer they had performed in Boston - twice. Hmmmmmmm?
I noticed too that Penn had kept a running, nearly daily, "tour log" of their summer tour schedule. I began to read with fascination - and soon was convinced - I had our phantom. Listen to these choice raving's…………
Penn Jillette: "I'll take you on a scatological, sexual, white-knuckle ride through the old testament featuring the violent, non-consensual sex acts of Deuteronomy 14 through 27, described in the graphic street language of the late, great, Tupac Shakur."
Penn again: "After the show, it had that Alaska thing, where people don't talk about "how great" the show is, they just thank us for coming to the middle of nowhere, like we were a fucking USO show or something."
And again: "Money is the root of all evil. That's why I rarely have change in my pocket - I throw it away. I'm just Sly Stone from here on in. Watch your wallets!"
And finally: "You know, I could just put this gun in my mouth right now and it would be all over." I looked at Teller and said, "This whole theater could smell just like teen spirit."
The obvious raving's of a mad man who just happened to have a bastardized spelling of my victim's! There is not such thing as consequence. Penn Jillette was definitely our man, our phantom.
Penn Jillette, the insane loon - the perfect combination of gall and cowardice - a man who thinks correlation is not causation - a man who thinks Canada is just a parking lot for Chicago - a man who donates funds to Porn Stars for Christ and in the end - a man who juggles broken bottles.
A total goofball.
Then - I wake up and I write this shit down.
Somehow, I'm a detective. World class, world renown. I'm mysteriously called to Boston by the Gillette family - yes, "that" Gillette family. I am there to assist the family heirs in solving a mystery. "Mystery is my game, truth is my fame" - that's what it says on my business card.
The mystery? Who has been stalking the family members and why?
The evidence and clues? 1) Sightings of a fleeting, phantom like, shadowy figure, tall, be'caped and probably male - on or about the modestly secure grounds of the Gillette family compound, which is composed of numerous family members' homes. 2) Strange, seemingly erratic, yet definitely "arranged" icons of sticks, stones, leaves, dirt and other readily available garden-like material found on the grounds of the compound - they are very "Blair Witch-like." There are many of these around the homes of the Gillette family members. They seem meaningless, yet must of course have some meaning. 3) Words, or messages, partials sentences and the like - "Do it again, razor boy" - "Home at last Doctor Wu" - "King skunk Baxter" - all scribed in the soft dirt around these stick/stone icons - with some kind of sharp object.
What could all this mean? I began my research………..
My research always begins with elimination. Eliminating the obvious, those who could not be a suspect - or more readily, leaving those who could be suspect. This Gillette family phantom could not be any sane person, this person had to be insane or going insane. Therefore the suspect could not be any of the family members themselves or their staffs or contractors - they were all very regular folks. The suspect was also, therefore - not a criminal of any sort - criminals are sane. No this was a mad man - or a woman posing as a man. Using the Internet as my main resource - I went to my obvious clues - the phrases or the words.
The first strike I came upon was the obvious name - "Baxter" - Jeff, Skunk Baxter. The next hit, the pop-jazz-rock band - "Steely Dan" - then, Do It Again, Razor Boy, Home at Last and Doctor Wu - all song titles theirs. Our insane perpetrator was obviously mentally focused upon that band and possibly, more importantly - on Mr. Jeff "Skunk" Baxter. Yes, things were beginning to smell fishy.
More research……
Jeff "Skunk" Baxter, the infamous guitarist, noted for work with Steely Dan, the Doobie Brothers and others - it turns out, also lime lights as a defense analyst and consultant for the US government - in the area of computer defense and missile guidance systems. Hmmmmmmm?
More research…..
The Gillette Company had recently been contract by the US government to - re-tool their assembly line in Briton, to manufacture very small, nearly microscopic, wire to be used in - hey, guess what? Electronics utilized in US missile guidance systems! The puzzle was coming together.
I then wanted to know more about the family history - so I searched for Gillette - King C. (Camp) Gillette, famous patent holder (1903 was the first one) for the double-edged safety razor - but his wealth was really not because of invention, he was really a brilliant marketing man. He would market one of the very first products that people would use everyday and throw away - and then purchase more of course. He had discovered one of the products, one of the realities which guard the Road to Utopia.
Anyway, blah, blah, blah - search, search, search……………
Then something funny happened - my dyslexia kicked in and I mis-typed the name Gillette - I ran it Jillette by mistake. Up popped the name Penn Jillette or the performing comic, magi duo - Penn & Teller. Curiously I checked their Website and looked onto their tour schedule and noticed that this past summer they had performed in Boston - twice. Hmmmmmmm?
I noticed too that Penn had kept a running, nearly daily, "tour log" of their summer tour schedule. I began to read with fascination - and soon was convinced - I had our phantom. Listen to these choice raving's…………
Penn Jillette: "I'll take you on a scatological, sexual, white-knuckle ride through the old testament featuring the violent, non-consensual sex acts of Deuteronomy 14 through 27, described in the graphic street language of the late, great, Tupac Shakur."
Penn again: "After the show, it had that Alaska thing, where people don't talk about "how great" the show is, they just thank us for coming to the middle of nowhere, like we were a fucking USO show or something."
And again: "Money is the root of all evil. That's why I rarely have change in my pocket - I throw it away. I'm just Sly Stone from here on in. Watch your wallets!"
And finally: "You know, I could just put this gun in my mouth right now and it would be all over." I looked at Teller and said, "This whole theater could smell just like teen spirit."
The obvious raving's of a mad man who just happened to have a bastardized spelling of my victim's! There is not such thing as consequence. Penn Jillette was definitely our man, our phantom.
Penn Jillette, the insane loon - the perfect combination of gall and cowardice - a man who thinks correlation is not causation - a man who thinks Canada is just a parking lot for Chicago - a man who donates funds to Porn Stars for Christ and in the end - a man who juggles broken bottles.
A total goofball.
Then - I wake up and I write this shit down.
