My dog steps on my nuts

[Problem Child]

every single goddamn motherfucking time she jumps up on me whilst I'm relaxing watching the cartoon network or a good biography of Adolph Hitler's sex life on the history channel.

She is so expert at it, I have developed the habit of cupping my groin whenever she gets ready to jump, but sometimes I forget. Let's see...35 lbs concentrated on a pawprint of approximately 2 sq. inches, and that's only the static load on one testicle.

Fucking bitch. No beggin' strips for you for the rest of the weekend.

 

[Rubyfruit]

LMAO

Sorry, I can relate though. I think R's thought about wearing a cup around the house because the twins have the aim of Babe Ruth when it comes to throwing hard objects at his body.

 

[BlondGirl]

Back in my teen years, I used to have a cat that would pounce on a hardening nipple. I hated it--he would dive with claws and teeth ready to kill.

To this day, I still can't sleep without being covered. What a rude awakening! (For some reasons, my girlfriends did not sleep without being fully covered too.)

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Let's see...35 lbs concentrated on a pawprint of approximately 2 sq. inches, and that's only the static load on one testicle.

Ahhh, my ESP with your dog did work then

 

[Calamity Jane]

Poor Poor Squirrel Boy

 

[lavender]

 

[morninggirl5]

BG, are you sure you're not my former roommate. She had a cat with the exact same problem. He pounced upon any movement in the bed.

 

[PowerOfOne]

Adolph Hitler had a sex life? I always thought the lack of sex is why he was so fucked up. I really learn a lot here on Lit. Thanks again, PC. Very sorry to hear about your nuts being stepped on. And Hitler had a sex life? Imagine that!!

 

[BlondGirl]

BG, are you sure you're not my former roommate. She had a cat with the exact same problem. He pounced upon any movement in the bed.

Nah--this cat only went for nipples. If you had on a shirt and the breeze blew past, you learned to automatically cover them up if he was around. I guess they look bite sized for a cat and irresistable under a t-shirt.

Come to think of it, he liked toes too.

 

[Cheyenne]

I have a cat who insists on walking on my tits at night when I'm asleep. I wake up with bruises in the strangest places. Sometimes it hurts if he hits a tender nipple, THEN I wake up while he is standing on me.

At least he doesn't often jump on them. Ouch.

 

[The Nitelight]

Be glad you don't have a horse......

 

[Puddles The Wonder Poodle]

every single goddamn motherfucking time she jumps up on me whilst I'm relaxing watching the cartoon network or a good biography of Adolph Hitler's sex life on the history channel.

She is so expert at it, I have developed the habit of cupping my groin whenever she gets ready to jump, but sometimes I forget. Let's see...35 lbs concentrated on a pawprint of approximately 2 sq. inches, and that's only the static load on one testicle.

Fucking bitch. No beggin' strips for you for the rest of the weekend.

I knew that I should have bought you at that auction. Teach you to respect canine females. Bitch indeed!

 

[KillerMuffin]

Poor guy. Imagine a 65 pounder followed by a 42 pounder trouncing on the package. You'd think they'd know better because they're both male.

The upside is that I can kiss it and make it feel better.

 

[estevie]

Be glad you don't have a horse......

LMAO!

 

[nice lil troll]

Poor PC!

Shall I kiss it and make it better?

 

[Gingersnap]

I think we need pictures of this PC.

 

[Barb Dwyer]

I was reminded of someone's (miles?) thread awhile back about names of threads next to each other. Until I posted this reply, it was PC's "My Dog Steps on my nuts" and BlackBird's thread "Shoot the Dog"!

 

[Vanyel_Ashke]

My cats have unerring accuracy when it comes to my nuts. And only one of them is declawed.

 

[LukkyKnight]

35 lbs concentrated on a pawprint of approximately 2 sq. inches, and that's only the static load on one testicle.

Fucking bitch. No beggin' strips for you for the rest of the weekend.

This explains a great deal.

 

[modest mouse]

Beastiality and BDSM come together.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Nah--this cat only went for nipples. If you had on a shirt and the breeze blew past, you learned to automatically cover them up if he was around. I guess they look bite sized for a cat and irresistable under a t-shirt.

Come to think of it, he liked toes too.

Probably some reincarnated pervert with a toe and nipple fetish!

 

[Cath!]

every single goddamn motherfucking time she jumps up on me whilst I'm relaxing watching the cartoon network or a good biography of Adolph Hitler's sex life on the history channel.

She is so expert at it, I have developed the habit of cupping my groin whenever she gets ready to jump, but sometimes I forget. Let's see...35 lbs concentrated on a pawprint of approximately 2 sq. inches, and that's only the static load on one testicle.

Fucking bitch. No beggin' strips for you for the rest of the weekend.

Did you scream as loud as you did that other time?

 

[Renegade]

It's because of things like this which make me glad for currently only having a small five pound bunny for a pet. No bruised nuts from abusive pets over in these parts.

My suggestion would be to get some fish for pets instead of your current dog. They might be boring, but atleast they won't jump on your groin. Besides, if they do, it won't hurt and you'll be able to charge people for watching you juggle fish on your balls.

 

[patient1]

My 40lb. bitch knows the same nauseating trick. I felt your pain 2 days ago..

I seem to recall someone bitching about me posting about things that happen in the lavyland ranch because no one cared. I suppose dogs stepping on balls are more pertinent for the board than what occurs here.

But my Blue Heeler bitch twice came to my rescue when my feet were stuck in knee- deep mud, and a crazy steer was charging me from behind. I'll never reprimand her for coming to me at flying speed.

Lavvy, I'd love to read your ranch stories on your own thread.

 

[Jellybeangirl]

My cat has a habit of doing hole shots out of my husband's lap, effectively using his balls as a spring board