My 1st story

[SUPERUGLyZ4]

Hey every1. I just wrote my new story. It is titled "Anna Nicole Smith and the Teen" even though i didnt wnat that title. However if youve seen it let me know how u like it. It is under celebrities. If you havnt read it, read it and let me knwo what you think.

 

[SUPERUGLyZ4]

REPLY PLEASE

PLEASE REPLY

 

[Sexy Bi Chick]

critique

Hey there, I just read your Anna Nicole story and thought I'd post a reply for you so you don't feel so lonely. LOL
On a serious note, I have a few recommendations that I must share with you.

First and foremost, it is absolutely essential that you INCLUDE THE LINK for your story in your post when you wish to receive feedback. If you simply give the name of your story and ask for feedback, I can almost guarantee you that 9 times out of 10 the readers will not even bother checking out your story. Remember, you're asking a favor from a large community, so it's only fair that you do them a favor and make it easy for them to access your story. Include the link next time so that they can access your story with one click.

Secondly, mixing normal capitalization with full capitalization is usually not a good idea. Take the following example from your story:


Zach started eating out her pussy. "Ya, thats right eat me, suck my clit!!" she scremed. Zach then slapped her ass. "Ya, SLAP MY ASS, SPANK IT FOR NOT SWALLOWING ALL YOUR CUM *SLAP* YA FUCK, SLAP MY BIG BUTT *SLAP, SLAP*"


When you mix the capitalization like that, it can be confusing and sometimes annoying to the reader. The following passage is even more out of tune:


"Shit, fuck ANNA NICOLE SMITHS BIG BUTT, FUCK ANNA NICOLES BUTT, FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF MY SHITHOLE, YES CRAM YOUR DICK UP MY BUTTHOLE, FUCK ANNA NICOLE UP HER BIG BUTT, FUCK ME UP MY BIG BUTT, FUCK MY BIG BOOTY! FUCK MY BUTT!!FUCK MY ASS!! FUCK MY BUTT!!" Anna screamed.


Too many caps in my opinion. When you overdo it like that, it makes the dialogue seem somewhat cartoonish. It is very hard to get into a story and be excited about it's content when the focus is thrown off.

That said, you should continue to write, I can tell you're having fun with it! Take my critique and use it to motivate yourself to improve your writing skills. It takes much practice and time to elevate your writing abilities to a substantial level. Good luck with all your future works!

Sincerely, Sexy Bi Chick