My 17 yr old daughter.

[love2kiss00]

Hi all...yes i'm looking for feedback from females..

I"m a 45 yr old male...single parent...

I've been divorced from my daughters mom for 11 years now and i've had my daugter the whole time...

I'm been very lucky...she's a great girl...really haven't had any problems from her at all..and we get along fine..she knows she can talked to me almost about anything..and no her real mom is really not in the picture much..she's more of a "friend to my daughter then a mom..........but...............

Im mostly just want feedback into well what to expect. from age 17 on.....i know i'll get lots of different responces to this..which i expect...Thank Goodness no two people are alike...but i would like general...ideas please...

Any ideas will be most appreciate...and im sorry now if i don't thank you after...I get on here once in awhile and read them all..respond to as many as i can...

Thanks..Dennis.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Would it be right for us to assume you don't want incest related suggestions ?

I ask that for your benefit so you dont get bombarded with inappropriate answers.

 

[love2kiss00]

omg no.

Would it be right for us to assume you don't want incest related suggestions ?

I ask that for your benefit so you dont get bombarded with inappropriate answers.

OMG NO NO NO...i had no intentions for that...wouldn't dream of it...would rather pluck my eyes out with tootpicks..then to do that to my daughter...SHE'S MY DAUGHTER...PERIOD..

Beleive me...i've never thought of that...and i know lots of people have an enjoyed it i guess...but i also realize that it can totally mess up the child....for life...she might enjoy it now but it can leave marks on the child forever...

but no no ...nothing like that please everyone do NOT respond to anything like that...

 

[Quiet_Cool]

I think he wants to prepare himself for the changes about to take place in his daughter's life and how he should deal with them...y'know, rationally, like without beating the hell out of every guy she meets.

 

[Spinaroonie]

On the thrid day of her eighteenth year, she will prick her finger on a spindle and fall into a deep slumber.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

I hope - I genuinely hope - that I was not insinuating anything, my friend.

I was just worried without confirming that , there may have been people who deluged the thread with stuff that you did not want to read.

From the sounds of it, you have done superbly up to now - carry on being the friend to her that you are. Try and think back to things that you resented about your parents. Some of those things are possibly things which you still think they did wrong - in which case try not to repeat their mistakes. Others are things which with maturity you can now see that they were right - those are the areas which may make you struggle the most and perhaps DISCUSSING with your daughter why you and your parents disagreed about certain issues will help her see both sides of the coin and maybe be less resentful towards you if you ever have to put your foot down.

As a non-parent I can't really say much more of value but the very fact you are aware of the potential problems makes me feel you are a parent who she will appreciate.

 

[love2kiss00]

thanks.

I must say i had a great childhood...both my parents showed me alot of love ....I have 3 brothers...no sisters..and because of that...really don't know in some degree what daughters and dad's go through....

I realize that I have to take it one day at a time and i'm up for that...

Like i said we have a wonderfull relationship..and i've gone thru the first boyfriend omg ..and the starting of the well period's...and that part took us awhile to be able to talk about that...but beleive me as a male..i've learned alot...and yes still learning..

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

I am the single father of a daughter who is now married. I was a non-custodial parent, but I had a lot of input into how she was raised. I think one of the most important things a parent can do at this point is learn how to let go and trust that you have raised your daughter to make the right decisions on her own. As long as she lives at home she still needs limits and needs to know what is expected of her, but do not cling to her and treat her like a child - she is almost an adult, and needs to be treated like one.

That does not mean she can have a livein boyfriend and frequent the bar scene, but she should be trusted with approrpiate activities - as long as she keeps you informed and is honest with you. If you react like my ex-wife did and try to keep her in the nest under your thumb, you can expect a lot of conflict and rebellion. Share your advice and thoughts, but let her make her own decisions about what she now wants to do with her life. That doesn't mean that she gets to live at home while she parties down - she has to hold her own either by getting a job or going to school/etc. - you know what I mean.

Support her in what she wants to do with her life, even if it seems impractical to you, or a hard row to hoe - most people make a lot of changes early on, and my 28 year old daughter is wanting to go back to college and do it over again (this time at her expense). When she graduated she wanted to be a doctor, and I supported/encouraged her, but others told her it was too hard for a woman, etc. - and she never followed through.

 

[love2kiss00]

shyguy

thanks shyguy...those were some great thuoghts and plus ...your child is also lucky to have you..

 

[love2kiss00]

bump

bump sorry

 

[Bindii]

You sound like a great father!

Its important that your daughter is able to talk with you on all levels....kids do things that we don't always agree with, make choices that we feel are wrong and as a parent you should be able to discuss these choices with her in a reasonable manner.

Don't make the mistake that my father made with me by dictating to me on nearly every aspect of my life...who my friends could be, what schooling I took, what job I did, what clothes I could wear etc We argued constantly, and in the end I rebeled, left home and did my own thing. It took years to get back on friendly terms with my father, its not that I ever hated him, its more like he has never accepted that his little girl is now grown up with a family of her own....hell he still tries to dictate to me...only now I see that it is his way of showing how much he cares.

 

[love2kiss00]

thanks.

Thanks.Bandii..

I agree with you on your comments...Oh i've bit my lips many times..on some things...not to say anything..Nothing really bad...just well as a Dad....it's hard not too ....

I'm glad you realize that your father loved and cared for you alot....it's ashame but lots of kids dont'..know that...sometimes just a simply hug or i love you does wonders...

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

he has never accepted that his little girl is now grown up with a family of her own....hell he still tries to dictate to me...only now I see that it is his way of showing how much he cares.

I believe that many such parents never accept their children as individuals separate from themselves. While I do see my daughter as an extension of myself, my immortality, I also realize and accept that she is an individual - I have from the moment she was born. Individuality and the freedom to make your own choices has always been something I value above almost all else - God gave it to us, so he must have thought it important also.

 

[Shaq]

I still have no clue regarding exactly what the thread author wants to know about...

 

[love2kiss00]

idea, thoughts..

I still have no clue regarding exactly what the thread author wants to know about...

Shaq...being a single parent...yes a male parent of a daughter..with no help from her mom and my parents are not living....i know this is not the best way to get advise...but just wanted some thoughts from people is all about the do's and dont'...what females especially didn't like...or what they thing is the best way to go about things...

 

[Shaq]

Ahh...I see....you know your best advice probably won't be how other parents deal or dealt with their daughters but how their parents dealt with them...your daughter is almost at that young woman stage and even though you have another year or so the way she perceives your role in her life may change...not the best to give advice on these matters...but I would think your influence right now should be a steadying one if that means anything....guidance and support I would imagine are the big things you have to offer....the do's and don't stage I think is reserved for prenatal care to adolescents...

 

[love2kiss00]

actually

Sorry about this post...

But actually was i was actually looking for was..

1. When does a female usually go to a ob/gyn for the first time...should her regular doctor tell me this...but all seem to say different things..

2..My daughter is 17 like i said...and has very hard periods...should i consider putting her on birth control...I've heard that it helps the periods.....No i DO not beleive that she's having sex....but would that give her a clue from me that she can..even though we've talked about it alot..and i do know her feeings about it..

These are just a couple...but i'm sure i will come up with more.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

Re: actually

 

[love2kiss00]

just shows.

My mother once told me something at 16 that makes a lot of sense.
She said " If you don't have any common sense by now, you never will" and I gained a lot of freedom. I thought alot about what she said though, and I grew up. I didnt do anything to awful after that and our relationship grew tremendously.
Youre daughter is now changing into a woman. As long as you treat her with respect and love, she will always be daddys little girl
I am still, to this day, a daddys girl. I love and respect my father. I always know he loves me, and I can tell him any problems I have
Although, he does NOT know I have a tattoo, im afraid it will break his heart.

Yes Emerald i agree with you about the common sense thing...and yes my daughter has leaned alot on her on...about different things....

I do treat her with lots of repect...and oh so much love...

and about the tattoo....just shows how much you respect him and love him....by not wanting to break his heart...

 

[love2kiss00]

thank you.

Oh goodness

I didnt' think about the insurance thing...I have great insurance so that would not be a problem..so I need to go ahead and do things now...looks like..

thank you...

 

[intrigued]

Re: actually

Sorry about this post...

But actually was i was actually looking for was..

1. When does a female usually go to a ob/gyn for the first time...should her regular doctor tell me this...but all seem to say different things..

2..My daughter is 17 like i said...and has very hard periods...should i consider putting her on birth control...I've heard that it helps the periods.....No i DO not beleive that she's having sex....but would that give her a clue from me that she can..even though we've talked about it alot..and i do know her feeings about it..

These are just a couple...but i'm sure i will come up with more.

Dennis,

As your friend, I will speak bluntly.
Your daughter, from what you have told me, is not one to see things the way you said in comment number 2...I cannot imagine that she will see it as you giving her permission to have sex, and even if she did, it does not mean that she would do so. It isn't that easy, especially for one as level headed and mature as your daughter.
Take your cues from HER....she knows her body, and if her periods are extremely hard on her, and she wants help, get it for her. Periods for young girls can be terribly painful, and there is help for her.
I totally agree with Shy Tall Guy's advice, and cannot possibly add to it. And hon, you are doing such a wonderful job, just take a good look at her, and you'll see what I mean.

I'm here....I'm not 17 anymore, but I once was.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Re: thank you.

Oh goodness

I didnt' think about the insurance thing...I have great insurance so that would not be a problem..so I need to go ahead and do things now...looks like..

Yep, girls should see an OB/Gyn probably about the time they first start having their periods, certainly by the time they are 17. Many women are more comfortable with a woman OB/Gyn too - especially young girls.

 

[Guest]

Re: thank you.

 

[love2kiss00]

thanks for comments..

ok i think i'm heading in the right direction now...

My daughter..gave me the name and phone numbers or one of her friends...gyn..and family doctor....


I will say this...one of the hardness things i've ever done was to talk to my daughter about birth controll pills.....i did that about a month ago....but i sat her down and talked to her with love and understanding....all i can do..

thanks again..everyone..........