Mutual Masterbation
- Thread starter westpete
- Start date
MagicFingers
Literotica Guru
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- Jan 27, 2003
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I'd like to read it. If you'd post the link to it here it would make it easier for people to find. I don't have time to search for it right now. Gotta go.westpete said:
And, you could put a link to your bio page in your sig line area so people can find all the info about you, including this and all future stories.
I like Mut.Mast. hope it's good!
MagicFingers
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2003
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Here's the link
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=173438
And congratulations on the little red "H"!
That means at least 9 out of 10 people like it a lot.
Way to go.
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=173438
And congratulations on the little red "H"!
That means at least 9 out of 10 people like it a lot.
Way to go.
Life_Isa_Fantasy
Virgin
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2004
- Posts
- 10
westpete said:
Incredibly hot! I absolutely loved it!
I think mutual masturbation is a hot button issue for a lot of people. An issue that will garner very passionate responses, both pro and con. I'm sure it's been done, but would also make a great poll. I'm most deffinately pro!
Congratulations on the response so far, I think this story will do very well.
Pete, First off, I love your stories, the plots and characters. Let me offer a little constructive criticism here. Please don't take it wrong, as I'd love to see more stories from you in the future.
Please start using a spellchecker. Your current grammer and spelling leave ALOT to be desired. Maybe it's just me, but it kind of breaks the mood when you're reading the story and you have to re-read a line or two to figure out what exactly you're trying to convey.
I've included some examples below.
Again, don't get me wrong, I'd love to see more of your work in the future. I actually wouldn't have said anything about it, but I've read all 3 of your stories and they all have the same errors as this one. Sure it's little stuff, but once you polish up on these, your works will be even better.
If you don't have or don't want to take the time for editing future stories, let me know and I'd be more than happy to proofread your work before it's posted. Send me a message and I'll let you know my email address.
---------------------------
"Not that I hadn't been thinking about it from the day we meet" [met]
"With that Debbie ground herself into me press hard on my ragging erection." [and pressed...you're using present tense instead of past]
"It had been along" [a long]
""Not to worry" she said, "There are other ways we came make love to each other"" [can]
"Since I don't wear underwear she easily reached in and started stoking" [stroking]
"I cupped ans massaged her" [and]
"Standing in front of me, she removed blouse and undid her bra. Again a perfect B-cup and hard nipples" [nipples should be singular not plural in this context....how about this instead:
"Another perfect B-cup and hard nipple emerged, pointing skyward."]
"I stood up and my jeans fell to the floor. Debbie unbuttoned my shirt and slide it off my shoulders." [Past/present strikes again...slid]
I would go on, but I believe you get the picture...
Looking forward to more stories!
Please start using a spellchecker. Your current grammer and spelling leave ALOT to be desired. Maybe it's just me, but it kind of breaks the mood when you're reading the story and you have to re-read a line or two to figure out what exactly you're trying to convey.
I've included some examples below.
Again, don't get me wrong, I'd love to see more of your work in the future. I actually wouldn't have said anything about it, but I've read all 3 of your stories and they all have the same errors as this one. Sure it's little stuff, but once you polish up on these, your works will be even better.
If you don't have or don't want to take the time for editing future stories, let me know and I'd be more than happy to proofread your work before it's posted. Send me a message and I'll let you know my email address.
---------------------------
"Not that I hadn't been thinking about it from the day we meet" [met]
"With that Debbie ground herself into me press hard on my ragging erection." [and pressed...you're using present tense instead of past]
"It had been along" [a long]
""Not to worry" she said, "There are other ways we came make love to each other"" [can]
"Since I don't wear underwear she easily reached in and started stoking" [stroking]
"I cupped ans massaged her" [and]
"Standing in front of me, she removed blouse and undid her bra. Again a perfect B-cup and hard nipples" [nipples should be singular not plural in this context....how about this instead:
"Another perfect B-cup and hard nipple emerged, pointing skyward."]
"I stood up and my jeans fell to the floor. Debbie unbuttoned my shirt and slide it off my shoulders." [Past/present strikes again...slid]
I would go on, but I believe you get the picture...
Looking forward to more stories!
westpete said:
Last edited:
FlyontheWall99
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2003
- Posts
- 113
I thought it was a very good story on a very hot idea. But I agree with deathwish, the grammar and spelling errors can take away from the reader's enjoyment of the story overall. Still good little read.
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